Twitter Thread Spins Tale Of Macho Men, Urine, And A Single Jellyfish

It’s been a while since we shared an entertaining Twitter story with y’all, and we’re happy to be able to change that today. Twitter user @enswelljones shared this hilarious tale from his teenage years last Friday, and it’s responsible for the kind of serious out-loud laughter we wish happened more often. The scuba-diving anecdote is the perfect kind of humbling hilarity that we love to see played out in real life. Reading this amazing takedown of masculinity is almost as satisfying as seeing it in person.

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Text - Chris Jones @EnswellJones I want to say I was 16, maybe. My family went to Florida. I was-and still am-a passionate SCUBA diver. The water is the only place I feel graceful. I went by myself on a dive boat. There was me and maybe six other divers- all big, brawny men. I felt very small and hairless. 1:01 PM · 17 Jul 20 · Twitter Web App 5,448 Retweets and comments 13.3K Likes Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d Replying to @EnswellJones You have to understand dive culture. Some people like the f

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Text - Chris Jones @EnswellJones · 1d This boat was filled with those meatheads. On our way out to the dive site, I was like, Are we invading Bermuda? They were all strapped and wearing four-foot fins, telling tales about how they routinely dived to 300 feet and fought sharks. Several confessed underwater murders. 2 27 27 1,475 Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d Today l'd be like, Sorry about your shitty childhoods. But being a teenage boy is hard in some ways. I was sort of intimidated and wanted bad

3.

Text - Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d Anyway, we dived, and the biggest Chet of the bunch got a wicked jellyfish sting on his face, like he'd been slashed with broken glass. Whether any of his other stories were true, I had no idea. But now he had a true story about the time a jellyfish turned his lips into sausages. 3 27 19 1,457 Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d We scrambled back onto the boat. The guy was screaming through his gritted teeth, so pretty quickly, he was laid out flat on the deck. Back

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Text - Chris Jones @EnswellJones · 1d I shouldered into the circle and peed on him, too. I didn't just take a tinkle on this dude, either. If you've ever gone diving, you know that you absorb or swallow half the ocean. You have to piss like a racehorse. It was like l was a bilge pump. I emptied a bucket on this guy. 27 37 1,804 Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d I was reminded, years earlier, of going to Cleveland Municipal Stadium, maybe? Some ballpark that had circular urinals. I had to stand there

5.

Text - Chris Jones @EnswellJones 1d We doused that guy like he was on fire-there was more urine on that boat deck than in the ball pit at IKEA. And then we all acted like the biggest fucking heroes in the world, giving each other high fives and shit. It was the weirdest thing. These guys were JACKED. 27 26 1,595 Chris Jones @EnswellJones · 1d We headed back to shore. Pissboy sat alone, staring out to sea. I remember thinking, He doesn't look okay. It wasn't just the jellyfish sting. That trip ch

6.

Text - Chris Jones L @EnswellJones We got back and said goodbye: six strangers brought together by fate to urinate all over another stranger's face. My parents asked me how my dive had gone. "Great," I said. I didn't tell them I had peed on a man for the first time. I just ate my ice cream. It was reward enough. 1:10 PM · 17 Jul 20 · Twitter Web App

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Fifteen Salty People Talk About The Times They Got Effed Over In School

Everyone has an experience they’ll never get over from their schooling years. Maybe you got punished once for something you didn’t do, or maybe it was that time that your first grade teacher yelled at you in front of the class for getting a math question wrong (looking at you, Ms. Anderson). The following people took to Twitter to reveal the things they’re still pissed off about, and we can’t say we blame them.

Everyone has an experience they’ll never get over from their schooling years. Maybe you got punished once for something you didn’t do, or maybe it was that time that your first grade teacher yelled at you in front of the class for getting a math question wrong (looking at you, Ms. Anderson). The following people took to Twitter to reveal the things they’re still pissed off about, and we can’t say we blame them.

1.

Text - Justin Boldaji u @justinboldaji I became radicalized when I was in 4th grade & I took a science test & studied hard for it & ended up completely acing it but when I was done with the test I was bored & drew monsters in the margins of the paper & my teacher gave me a 90 out of 100 because of the monsters

2.

Text - Karlie Marks @KarlieMarks · 9h my senior thesis had a point knocked off for using the word "wed" instead of "married" even though wed fit the sentence structure better than married. also teach said she "didn't believe in perfect papers" and was really just looking for a place to dock my grade. 27 8 534 O BISEXUAL BITCH| @_aurely · 9h NTIAU My history teacher would often take points away from me for having a "correct answer but not the one I'm looking for" 360

3.

Text - Choo Choo, Motherfucker @valiscariot · 6h At some point in grade school I failed a math test because I answered questions that went negative correctly instead of writing "no answer" because the class hadn't been taught that yet. Pretty sure I haven't tried since then 43 Choo Choo, Motherfucker @valiscariot · 5h I should add I had no way of knowing the class hadn't been taught that; I had just gotten back from Disneyworld 26

4.

Text - @guttermice My 5th grade teacher used to bully me in front of the whole class and would make me cry and tell me to get thicker skin. I requested to get transferred from her class and she said ok go to another class so I grabbed my stuff and she laughed and said jk I hope she gets coughed on 15:56 · 09 May 20 · Twitter for iPhone

5.

Text - Don't Call Me Lady @cornmaes Replying to @justinboldaji 4th grade teacher called me to the front of the class to tell me that no one was going to want to marry me because I was so annoying. I was being bullied hard- core and she didn't believe me when I told her so she tried to convince my mom I had schizophrenia and was hearing shit

6.

Text - Leah @ubersle In 4th grade, I answered the quiz question, "What do you call an animal that eats only plants?" as herbivore. My teacher marked it wrong and said it was 'vegetarian.' I'd have taken that to the Supreme Court such was my wrath. 18:11 · 09 May 20 · Twitter for iPhone

7.

Text - pj * @noloveformylove in 3rd grade i got a 100% on a test but i forgot to put my name on it. it was my first time forgetting my name but i was the only one who forgot to put my name so she knew it was mine, but she wanted to 'make an example' of me so she ripped it up in front of everyone. i got an F. 20:50 · 09 May 20 · Twitter for iPhone

8.

Text - wicker the baby tree @InkstoneWicker oh also i was forced to sit outside the classroom in the hall because i was reading better than my peers and, apparently, making them feel bad. i was singled out and isolated because i liked to read as a hobby. they made me a spectacle. i got so bullied, i had to switch schools. 19:02 · 09 May 20 Twitter for Android 1 Retweet 22 Likes

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Text - Chaos Goblin @AvroArlo When my brother was in the first grade, they were told they had 60 seconds to get outside during a fire drill. When another student asked how long that was, my brother said "it's a minute". Cue my parents getting called to the school over "teaching him outside of class" 18:01 · 09 May 20 · Twitter Web App

10.

Text - HTTPaladin @HTTPaladin · 5h Chamon My second grade teacher kept a desk in the back that only had a puzzle that only I worked on that I was able to use whenever I finished my work early. In the third gradeI got told to stay in my seat, bored, until everyone else finished. Rage. 27 37 Christina Winds @ChristinaWinds · 2h I credit teachers like this for becoming a writer. I would read after I finished my work - except shitty teachers would take away my books bcuz I should be 'focusing on cla

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Text - Mike Provencher @RevilFox 1h Replying to @justinboldaji My 6th grade Home Room teacher had a deal where if you do all of your homework for 14 straight days, for every class, and get it signed off by every teacher, she would buy you McDonald's for lunch. I did it, and when I showed her she said, "Yeah, this deal isn't for you." 4 27 kris @thegirlkris · 47m Wow I hope she fucking chokes O 3

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Text - quarantined fka O, fka @coopercooperco I once went to the principal's office in like first or second grade for “holding a pretzel stick in my mouth like a cigarette." They made me call my parents. 14:19 · 09 May 20 · Twitter for iPhone 107 Likes

13.

Text - Just Your Local Anime Guy @Mendinso Replying to @justinboldaji and @YorPalSal I got a 3 hour detention because a kid harassed me in classroom, screamed at him in response, teacher walked in, had us both go to the office. Kid got jack shit. I got a detention for "disrupting the class". Teacher even bought the kid's excuse for wanting to show "his snake".

14.

Text - Meredith Schwartz @Kalendaries · 8h When I was in 8th grade my social studies teacher told us to write a two page paper on a Russian historical figure as if it were an autobiography. I got Tolstoy. I read War and Peace in a weekend and turned in a 21 page paper in my best pastiche of Tolstoy's style.. 2 27 3 100 Meredith Schwartz @Kalendaries· 8h ..and got a grade taken off because I left the ragged edges on my notebook paper 27 3 155 Kaila @Kaila20250315 · 4h Give me your teacher's numbe

15.

Text - Cough On Kelly Loeffler @sydneymsteingm1 This makes me think of my 8th grade English teacher who would NEVER give a 100 on essays because she “didn't believe in the perfect paper". She gave me a 95 once bc the words weren't close enough to the margin 17:05 · 09 May 20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Guy Witnesses Full-On Karen Panic At Olive Garden On Mother’s Day

Unfortunately for service industry employees everywhere, Karens have decided not to take any days off during the pandemic. In fact, it seems that they’ve even ramped up their antics, according to this amusing Twitter thread written by a guy observing the sheer panic taking place at an Olive Garden in Cranberry, Pennsylvania on Mother’s Day. Who knew soup, salad, and breadsticks warranted screaming at minimum-wage restaurant employees!

1.

Text - Kevin Horne @KevinHornePSU I am about to witness a full on riot at the Cranberry, Pennsylvania Olive Garden. Suburban Karens with husbands who are the CFOs of mid-size floor tile companies vs the staff, which is 90-120 minutes behind order time. Will report back.

2.

Land vehicle - Kevin Horne @KevinHornePSU · 10h There are approximately 200 cars in the parking lot of people exactly like this absolutely losing their minds. I am among them, but remaining calm, as there is no one to blame but ourselves for deciding on Olive Garden in the first place. 27 10 420

3.

Vehicle - Kevin Horne @KevinHornePSU · 9h The line of cars to get in extends out to the road but there are very few spots remaining in the entire lot. Other folks have decided to start tailgating while having unpleasant conversations with their families waiting at home. 27 3 129 Chow tlbi throod 3.

4.

Adaptation - Kevin Horne @KevinHornePSU · 9h Folks are now just blatantly disregarding the signs and jumping the person who comes out with the food every 5 or so minutes like it's first come first serve, even though the order is tied to a name. Olive LOlve Coren vaplmb. CRUZAN FOR EVERYONES SAFETY PLEASE STAY IN YoUr CAR E We WILL BE OUT To GREET You 6. 27 10 165

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Selfie - Kevin Horne @KevinHornePSU · 9h Word just got passed around that they ran out of salad. live Garden TALIAN ITEHER 27 10 173

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Text - Kevin Horne @KevinHornePSU · 9h Fear levels are high that only the 4 p.m. pickup time orders, who have largely not been served, will have breadsticks. Cancelations occurring en masse. I am 5 p.m. but holding out hope. Kru 27 4 129

7.

Motor vehicle - Kevin Horne @KevinHornePSU · 9h The person who is directing traffic has been identified as the manager or owner. He is the one who has been throwing out the "only a 30 minute delay" line to folks since 4 p.m. and is now paying the price. 27 3 124

8.

Land vehicle - Kevin Horne @KevinHornePSU · 9h The workers have returned with salad from Giant Eagle. "I love my life," this kind spirited employee exclaimed. %3D 8. 27 5 303

9.

Property - Kevin Horne @KevinHornePSU · 9h I have now been called inside –I am the first person l've seen get invited in that hasn't complained. Seemed promising, but 3 different employees have now asked for my name. It's not clear if they actually have the order, despite being checked in 80 minutes age. Olive Canden 27 2 ♡ 125

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Text - Kevin Horne @KevinHornePSU · 8h UPDATE: "Food" secured. I'm afraid the no breadsticks rumor was true, and a number of the entrees appear to be missing. They did cobble together a salad with Giant Eagle ingredients procured from the back of an employees car. They offered a $10 gift card for the trouble. Olive Canden ITALIAN KITCHEN ORDER O ogte 174 4.

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Text - Mary Kate @MmmkayDo Replying to @KevinHornePSU As someone that's worked in restaurants for going on years, there were prob 3 people cooking the food. Restaurants, like other businesses, run with as little 10 people as possible to make as much $$ as they can. AND there's a pandemic on & it's Mother's Day. Understanding is

12.

Text - Daniel Schall @dsschall Replying to @KevinHornePSU I read each tweet of this thread with the same anticipation that I await each new episode of "Last Dance." "Cobble together," "procured," "mid-size floor tile company"-well played. Thanks for the entertainment. I'd give you breadsticks if could.

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Hilarious Twitter Thread Details A Totally Insane Christian Action Movie

Strap in folks, cause you’re in for a wild ride. PhD candidate Laura Robinson took to Twitter to detail a totally ridiculous movie she watched with her husband. The movie, entitled Assassin 33 AD, has pretty much everything including time travel, machine guns, and a frat house in heaven. 

And the best part of this movie is that it isn’t ironic at all. You can watch the trailer here if  you dare – it’s really…something. But if you’d rather have a text rundown of the whole movie then scroll down. Godspeed.

1.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn There is a deadly serious Christian action movie about Muslims who invent time travel so they can go back in time and kill Jesus so he can't die for our sins and of course my husband bought it because he's an actual monster.

2.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 14h My husband finds this hilarious. I have cringed myself in to a back injury from which I will never recover. 94 ♡ 109

3.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 14h As an adult convert to Christianity, Jon has never run in the circles in which this would be considered a great movie. I have. We are experiencing this film very differently. 123

4.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 14h US Marshalls just mowed down the disciples with machine guns. I am not making this up. 81

5.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 14h A doubting Christian just shot Jesus in the head with an automatic pistol. The doubting Christian acknowledged that when Jesus died, he was speaking English. Q4 O 70

6.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h I would bet that the science research involved in this movie came from watching LOST. 3 73

7.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn 13h The love interest was just shot in the abdomen. Our hero took off all his clothes but his tighty-whities and sneakers to make a bandage. Again, I am not making any of this up. 70

8.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h You can't imagine how offensive the black character is. Q2 64

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Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h That said, the black guy is confessing to Jesus right now that he doesn't like the movie Passion of the Christ and it's pretty funny but also looks like a South Park scene. ♡ 77 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h I am so uncomfortable. 01 O 61 <] <]

10.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn Jesus and the black guy are now casually referring to Passion of the Christ as "my movie/your movie." Jesus knows about the movie Passion of the Christ and he really likes it.

11.

Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h Replying to @LauraRbnsn There's another hour left of this movie so there's plenty of time for me to find a divorce lawyer. 03 O 95

12.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn - 13h A time traveller just had his watch stolen by a Roman. 62

13.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h I'm actually eliminating some key plot surprises from this twitter thread because I want you guys to experience the insane surprises for yourselves. 59

14.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn 13h I cannot overstate the deranged audacity with which these apparently pious filmmakers rewrote the story of the Passion and Resurrection to accommodate time travelers and their equipment. 67 <]

15.

Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h My jaw is on the floor. Whatever you're imagining right now, it's so much crazier than you think. 58

16.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h Also the black guy just said "mucho gracias" to Mary Magdalene because she said "Rabboni." 63

17.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn 13h A man holds his dying friend in his arms. "God has a place for you in heaven! It's a frat house! *sob* With lots of beer!" 49

18.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn 13h This movie is painfully, worshipfully committed to the glory of the Lord, and is completely committed to the idea that Jesus' resurrection had nothing to do with God and everything to with American time travelers. 04 O 60

19.

Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h Turns out you can forgive someone in one timeline and stab them to death for killing your girlfriend in another and Jesus still counts it. ♡ 44

20.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h "Use your Bible app!" - An action movie. 42

21.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn 12h I am gobsmacked. That movie truly has to be seen to be believed. Jim Carroll, I expect a cut from the proceeds of people who will rent that on my "recommendation," as it were. That was a wild and (unfortunately) unforgettable ride. 91 44

22.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 12h The movie is honestly charming in how it is both thoroughly sincere in its obvious love for Jesus, and also the most blasphemous thing ever made by filmmakers.

23.

Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 1h Oh, one more thing: despite the thoroughgoing Islamophobia, there's an interesting detail where a character says that Muslims wouldn't kill Jesus because of his prophetic status, and someone corrects her that the villains "aren't Muslims, they're extremists." 01

24.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 1h I don't know if that was a cynical line thrown in to say "Look, we aren't Islamophobic" or expresses the genuine conviction of the filmmakers, but either way it was very noticeable. Q2

25.

Text - Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 27m Anyway, the movie is Assassin 33 AD. With a content warning for gun violence and Islamophobia, I actually recommend the hell out of it. It's a wild and thoroughly impious mix between Jesus of Montreal, Lost, and Birdemic. 6.

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Twitter Thread Tells The Story Of A Muslim Key-Keeper At A Holy Site In Jerusalem

For the first time since the Black Death in 1349, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem was closed amid coronavirus fears. Journalist David Videcette took to Twitter to tell the story of the Muslim family that has guarded the keys to the church since the seventh century. 

Scroll down for your history lesson for the day, but if you’re craving more educational content, click here for some history memes!

For the first time since the Black Death in 1349, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem was closed amid coronavirus fears. Journalist David Videcette took to Twitter to tell the story of the Muslim family that has guarded the keys to the church since the seventh century. 

Scroll down for your history lesson for the day, but if you’re craving more educational content, click here for some history memes!

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Woman Plays Wholesome Game With Her Dad In This Amusing Twitter Story

Every family does weird stuff; it’s just a fact of life. Actor and writer Bridie Connell shared an adorable, yet nonsensical game that she and her dad have been playing for 15 years called “pinch and a punch, first day of the month.” Neither of them have any idea how it started, but it’s cute and amusing nonetheless!

Every family does weird stuff; it’s just a fact of life. Actor and writer Bridie Connell shared an adorable, yet nonsensical game that she and her dad have been playing for 15 years called “pinch and a punch, first day of the month.” Neither of them have any idea how it started, but it’s cute and amusing nonetheless!

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Naked Woman Gets Locked Out Of German Spa In This Nightmarish Twitter Tale

If you think your most embarrassing story is bad, just wait til you read writer Anbara Salam‘s mortifying Twitter story. Let’s just say, it involves nudity, a language barrier, and a whole lot of crying. Get ready to cringe. 

Head on over to Fail Blog to read even more embarrassing moments!

If you think your most embarrassing story is bad, just wait til you read writer Anbara Salam‘s mortifying Twitter story. Let’s just say, it involves nudity, a language barrier, and a whole lot of crying. Get ready to cringe. 

Head on over to Fail Blog to read even more embarrassing moments!

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Chilling Twitter Story About Kid Sneaking Food And Discovering A Trespasser

There’s been a lot of talk about Bong Joon-Ho’s Oscar-winning Parasite, but this true and incredibly disturbing story kind of trumps it. Horror writer Grady Hendrixshared a chilling tale back in October about innocent food-sneaking gone incredibly wrong. Kids are known for sneaking around, and one night when Hendrix intended to sneak-eat his family’s leftovers, he discovered a strange man in his kitchen consuming the contents of the family fridge. It doesn’t stop there. His family didn’t believe him, but later, some disturbing proof of his “run-in” comes to light. And we are not envious of the experience. 

There’s been a lot of talk about Bong Joon-Ho’s Oscar-winning Parasite, but this true and incredibly disturbing story kind of trumps it. Horror writer Grady Hendrixshared a chilling tale back in October about innocent food-sneaking gone incredibly wrong. Kids are known for sneaking around, and one night when Hendrix intended to sneak-eat his family’s leftovers, he discovered a strange man in his kitchen consuming the contents of the family fridge. It doesn’t stop there. His family didn’t believe him, but later, some disturbing proof of his “run-in” comes to light. And we are not envious of the experience. 

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Woman’s Heartbreaking Story Details Major Problems With Health Insurance Companies

Many of us have dealt with the “joys” of the American healthcare system firsthand, whether that be the inability to afford an astronomical bill from a trip to the emergency room, or the high costs of necessary medication. 

Michelle DuBarry dealt with one of the most unimaginable horrors a person could experience – the loss of a child, and her nightmarish experience with the health insurance company directly after.

On a bit of a lighter note, here are some amusing memes about the American healthcare system that will make you laugh and then feel sad again.

Many of us have dealt with the “joys” of the American healthcare system firsthand, whether that be the inability to afford an astronomical bill from a trip to the emergency room, or the high costs of necessary medication. 

Michelle DuBarry dealt with one of the most unimaginable horrors a person could experience – the loss of a child, and her nightmarish experience with the health insurance company directly after.

On a bit of a lighter note, here are some amusing memes about the American healthcare system that will make you laugh and then feel sad again.

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Twitter Users Describe The Dumbest Family Fights They’ve Been In

Families are almost always dysfunctional as is, and when you spend enough time around the same people, emotions can run haywire. Jimmy Fallon asked Twitter about the most moronic fights they’ve ever been in with their families, and they did not disappoint. If you’re a weird one and you feel like you need even more family-related content, click here for some memes!

Families are almost always dysfunctional as is, and when you spend enough time around the same people, emotions can run haywire. Jimmy Fallon asked Twitter about the most moronic fights they’ve ever been in with their families, and they did not disappoint. If you’re a weird one and you feel like you need even more family-related content, click here for some memes!

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Accidental Yarn Purchase Inspires Hilarious Pun-Filled Twitter Thread

Let’s hear it for happy accidents. Twitter user Dan Sheehan ordered what he thought was a sweater à la Chris Evans in Knives Out, and instead received all the materials required to actually knit it himself. He took to the website to share the amusing anecdote, and his followers came through with loads of puns and jokes that turned this mistake into a hilarious Twitter threadthat we’re glad we didn’t miss it. 

Let’s hear it for happy accidents. Twitter user Dan Sheehan ordered what he thought was a sweater à la Chris Evans in Knives Out, and instead received all the materials required to actually knit it himself. He took to the website to share the amusing anecdote, and his followers came through with loads of puns and jokes that turned this mistake into a hilarious Twitter threadthat we’re glad we didn’t miss it. 

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Awkward Encounters With Celebrities, As Told By Mortified Twitter Users

Awkward encounters happen to everyone, but unfortunately sometimes they involve famous people. Imagine meeting Keanu Reeves and the only memory he has of you is that you accidentally spilled your drink on him – it’s a horrifying thought, to say the least. 

The following Twitter users unfortunately experienced similar situations with other celebrities.

Awkward encounters happen to everyone, but unfortunately sometimes they involve famous people. Imagine meeting Keanu Reeves and the only memory he has of you is that you accidentally spilled your drink on him – it’s a horrifying thought, to say the least. 

The following Twitter users unfortunately experienced similar situations with other celebrities.

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Depressing Twitter Thread Details The High Costs Of Education In America

Getting a college education in America can completely ruin a person financially, as times just aren’t what they used to be when our Baby Boomer parents were our age. This Twitter thread is depressing as hell, but highlights the reality of being in an outrageous amount of student debt.

The solution to all of this? It may be time to encourage today’s high school kids not to attend traditional college and go to trade school or community college instead!

Getting a college education in America can completely ruin a person financially, as times just aren’t what they used to be when our Baby Boomer parents were our age. This Twitter thread is depressing as hell, but highlights the reality of being in an outrageous amount of student debt.

The solution to all of this? It may be time to encourage today’s high school kids not to attend traditional college and go to trade school or community college instead!

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Train Conductor Goes Full Sherlock On Fare-Evading Passenger

Train travel can be surprisingly expensive – sometimes it costs more than a flight. On a recent rail trip to Edinburgh, Scotland, comedian Ignacio Lopez witnessed a fellow passenger attempt to lie his way out of his proper fare. Unfortunately for the cheapskate, the train conductor (train guard in Brit-speak) was a hell of a lot smarter than expected. 

Train travel can be surprisingly expensive – sometimes it costs more than a flight. On a recent rail trip to Edinburgh, Scotland, comedian Ignacio Lopez witnessed a fellow passenger attempt to lie his way out of his proper fare. Unfortunately for the cheapskate, the train conductor (train guard in Brit-speak) was a hell of a lot smarter than expected. 

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Roundup Of Completely True Stories That Sound Made-Up

Some stories that exist out there sound like they’re straight out of a movie. They can’t possibly be true, right? Not so – writer Aidan Moher tweeted out the other day asking people to share their most unbelievable true stories, and let us just say…the people delivered.

Some stories that exist out there sound like they’re straight out of a movie. They can’t possibly be true, right? Not so – writer Aidan Moher tweeted out the other day asking people to share their most unbelievable true stories, and let us just say…the people delivered.

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Miraculous Story About A Stroke Patient Restored Our Faith In Humanity

Stroke expert Liam Healy tweeted out a story about an Irish stroke patient who made a miraculous recovery when the odds of her survival were incredibly low. Needless to say, the story gave us some hope in a world full of constant bad news. Is it time for us to finally start believing in miracles?

Stroke expert Liam Healy tweeted out a story about an Irish stroke patient who made a miraculous recovery when the odds of her survival were incredibly low. Needless to say, the story gave us some hope in a world full of constant bad news. Is it time for us to finally start believing in miracles?

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Insufferable Hipster Dude Ruins Party In This Hilarious Twitter Thread

There are some people in this world who have absolutely no self-awareness whatsoever, and this vinegar-loving hipster dude is a prime example of that. Luckily for us, writer Sarah Gailey documented the story on Twitter to entertain us, and for that we’re grateful. 

Seriously, who the absolute f*ck puts beans or vinegar in a smoothie, let alone both?

There are some people in this world who have absolutely no self-awareness whatsoever, and this vinegar-loving hipster dude is a prime example of that. Luckily for us, writer Sarah Gailey documented the story on Twitter to entertain us, and for that we’re grateful. 

Seriously, who the absolute f*ck puts beans or vinegar in a smoothie, let alone both?

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Embarrassing Twitter Story About An Oblivious Woman In A Cafe Is All Of Us

Literally everyone experiences embarrassment from time to time. Of course, some more than others, and we feel for those poor souls. This Twitter user documented her experience with a fellow cafe patron that kind of just sums up those awkward run-ins that make one immediately go red in the face.

Literally everyone experiences embarrassment from time to time. Of course, some more than others, and we feel for those poor souls. This Twitter user documented her experience with a fellow cafe patron that kind of just sums up those awkward run-ins that make one immediately go red in the face.

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Doctor Tries To Figure Out Where To Put A Defibrillator On A Centaur

While eating cold pizza one night, Dr. Fred Wu began to ponder something unusual: where on earth would one put a defibrillator on a centaur, should they go into cardiac arrest? He tweeted about the predicament and fellow doctors began offering their ideas on the topic. 

Below are some of the amusing responses!

While eating cold pizza one night, Dr. Fred Wu began to ponder something unusual: where on earth would one put a defibrillator on a centaur, should they go into cardiac arrest? He tweeted about the predicament and fellow doctors began offering their ideas on the topic. 

Below are some of the amusing responses!

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Ex-Cigna VP Exposes The Health Insurance Industry’s Illusion Of ‘Choice’

On Monday, former vice president Wendell Potter of the insurance company Cigna came clean on Twitter to dispel myths about health insurance in America and why politicians aren’t being totally honest about it. He explains why the concept of “choice” is incorrect and propagated by insurance insiders, Republicans, and Democrats alike. 

Pretty eye-opening if you ask us!

On Monday, former vice president Wendell Potter of the insurance company Cigna came clean on Twitter to dispel myths about health insurance in America and why politicians aren’t being totally honest about it. He explains why the concept of “choice” is incorrect and propagated by insurance insiders, Republicans, and Democrats alike. 

Pretty eye-opening if you ask us!

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Twenty-Two Hilariously Disturbing Stories Of Family Antics

We’re not sure if kidsare nuts because of their imaginations or if they’re just regular people without a seasoned moral compass. Either way, this Twitter thread from @lukasbattleleaves us feeling like our families are very, very normal. From tales of sleepwalking sisters wielding knives, to locking tying a little brother in the basement, these stories are sure to make you laugh – and may very well creep you out.  

We’re not sure if kidsare nuts because of their imaginations or if they’re just regular people without a seasoned moral compass. Either way, this Twitter thread from @lukasbattleleaves us feeling like our families are very, very normal. From tales of sleepwalking sisters wielding knives, to locking tying a little brother in the basement, these stories are sure to make you laugh – and may very well creep you out.  

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Potluck Twitter Story Is A Cringey Tale Of Zero Seasoning & Extra Salmonella

The whole “white people don’t season their food” thing sometimes feels offensive to those of us who lack melanin and worship the spice cabinet, but this Twitter story is proof that the stereotype exists for good reason. Twitter user @cavebeauty experienced the horror first-hand at a company potluck when her colleague brought raw chicken and a deep fryer to the event. Not only did he decline seasoning the chicken before frying it, but he was handling the chicken with his bare hands and touching stuff without washing them. Disturbing. Hopefully you’ll read this nightmare long after digging into lunch. 

The whole “white people don’t season their food” thing sometimes feels offensive to those of us who lack melanin and worship the spice cabinet, but this Twitter story is proof that the stereotype exists for good reason. Twitter user @cavebeauty experienced the horror first-hand at a company potluck when her colleague brought raw chicken and a deep fryer to the event. Not only did he decline seasoning the chicken before frying it, but he was handling the chicken with his bare hands and touching stuff without washing them. Disturbing. Hopefully you’ll read this nightmare long after digging into lunch. 

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Dude’s Twitter Story Is A Saga Involving Kevin Hart, A Stripper, And Narrowly Avoiding Death

Buckle up folks, this is one hell of a wild ride! Twitter user and comedian @avitable took to the social media site to regale us with a story of narrowly avoiding death at the hand of an unhinged stripper. It starts innocently enough with a Kevin Hart show, and ends with some seriously unfortunate mug shots. While we appreciate the insanity of his story, we’re mostly just glad he made it out alive.

Buckle up folks, this is one hell of a wild ride! Twitter user and comedian @avitable took to the social media site to regale us with a story of narrowly avoiding death at the hand of an unhinged stripper. It starts innocently enough with a Kevin Hart show, and ends with some seriously unfortunate mug shots. While we appreciate the insanity of his story, we’re mostly just glad he made it out alive.

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Bunch Of Drunk Scots Come Together Over ‘Miracle Bread’ In This Entertaining Twitter Thread

Who knew that a simple loaf of bread could bring so many Scottish drunkards together? We certainly didn’t, but you know what they say: you never know when you’ll find a holy symbol in something so ordinary. Okay, no one really says that but you get what we mean, right? Anyway, please enjoy this story brought to you by Jimmy Watkins.

Who knew that a simple loaf of bread could bring so many Scottish drunkards together? We certainly didn’t, but you know what they say: you never know when you’ll find a holy symbol in something so ordinary. Okay, no one really says that but you get what we mean, right? Anyway, please enjoy this story brought to you by Jimmy Watkins.

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Twitter Thread Of A Dopey Sled Dog Named Grinch

Remember the story of the sled dog team we shared a couple weeks ago? You briefly got to meet Grinch, the dopiest member of the team with a brain equivalent to a box of rocks. Well, Grinch’s mom Blair Braverman just shared this adorable story about his sledding mishaps that warmed our icy hearts right up.

Remember the story of the sled dog team we shared a couple weeks ago? You briefly got to meet Grinch, the dopiest member of the team with a brain equivalent to a box of rocks. Well, Grinch’s mom Blair Braverman just shared this adorable story about his sledding mishaps that warmed our icy hearts right up.

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College Girl’s Story Of Her Comically Large Pencil Is Hilariously Awkward

Twitter user Oscarewilde proved she’s an evil genius when she decided to lend out an absurdly large pencil she received as a gift. The result of lending the thing out is often quite awkward, as you’d imagine. You gotta find some use for a ridiculous gag gift like that after all, right?

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Twitter Story Chronicles Dude’s Plot To Expose Neighbor’s Cheating Boyfriend

Missing R. Kelly’s Trapped In The Closet but feeling guilty because he’s a scumbag? Have no fear! Twitter user @TheeDreadGod (a true master of the Twitter ‘story time’) is here with what can almost be considered a real-life version of the R&B singer’s series. This dramatic twitter thread is full of twists, turns, and a whole lot of pizza. If you enjoy what you read below, give @TheeDreadGod a follow. He’s got loads more stories where this one came from. 

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Educational Twitter Thread Tells Tale Of Epic Historical Slave Revolt

Writer Michael Harriot dropped some serious history knowledge on Twitter this past Saturday and left us with slightly bigger brains and some serious chills. The Bahamas have been heavily featured in the news following the devastation of Hurricane Dorian, and this Twitter thread gives some powerful background on the history of the storm-ravaged island nation. Michael Harriot’s expert storytelling (even when limited to 280 characters) gives serious oomph to an already compelling black history narrative of slaves and ex-slaves sticking it to the man. 

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Millennials Aren’t The Worst Generation When Compared To Historical Disciplinary Records, Says This Twitter Thread

It’s a tradition that the older generations have to hate on the younger generations for absolutely any reason they can think of. Doesn’t matter what for, because it was just “better back in the day,” in their logic. 

Self-described “recovering academic” Jenny Bann pulled up some hilariously enlightening historical records of the behavioral problems exhibited by 18th century male students in Scotland. 

Let’s just say they’re…less than wholesome and make Millennials look angelic in comparison!

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