If it ain’t me

Funny tweet about staying up late as revenge

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Assorted Tweets For The Scroll-Hungry Masses

Want to enjoy the brief relatable magic of a well-worded tweetwithout having to enter the hideous war zone that is Twitter? We’ve got you covered. These tweets are a great mishmash of exhausted parenting anecdotes, self-deprecating tidbits, and mildly funny musings. And they’re guaranteed to help occupy your mind for a solid five minutes. Enjoy!

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Astronaut - nat @natbalda two happy people getting the fuck out of this world. 61 12:14 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone 0:

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Skin - colleen @Coll3enG one year since the worst spray tan of my life <3

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Text - Participation Trophy Wife Y @TrophyWifeDayna TiphyW I found a gray hair on my head, so l brought out the tweezers to pluck it. Except I didn't squeeze hard enough and the tweezers just ended up sliding the whole way down the hair and curled it like a ribbon. 3:41 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Food - Dave Cactus @dave_cactus PBJ check. You've CuR And angther And anether Signatu FUEL the FUN MINT JELLY SKIPP CREAMY UTTER 2:26 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

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Text - California Dreaming @Desert_Musings |am at my most sexiest when I have to wash my hair twice in one day because I got ranch dressing in my hair from eating wings for dinner. Line forms to the left, gentlemen. 10:37 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets @gfishandnuggets Today I learned that by rebranding chicken parmesan as "spaghetti chicken nuggets with cheese," the likelihood that my kids will eat it increases at least 5,000%. 5:32 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Jessie @mommajessiec If you put your ear up to an old tool box, you can hear wives of long ago nagging their husbands about when they're going to finally fix the kitchen sink. 4:18 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix Child: I can't wait to be a grown-up. Me [tweezing my ear hairs after paying 42 credit card bills]: yeah it's fantastic 1:34 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix SpaceX has reusable rockets that can launch, orbit the Earth, re-enter our atmosphere and land perfectly but here I am in this parking lot watching a guy try to back his F-250 into a parking spot for 20 minutes. 12:06 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Laura Marie @Imegordon My son asked to play chess against me because "mommies aren't good at chess," so naturally I just kicked his ass. Checkmate, son. 5:30 PM · 5/29/20 · Twitter for Android

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Text - Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface Went onto the dark web the other day and nobody there sells lawn darts, what a load of bullshit 6:30 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Dad That Writes @dadthatwrites If you've never stacked the deck so Candy Land is over in three turns, are you even a parent? 3:39 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

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Text - Dan Regan @Social_Mime I don't remember someone's name ten minutes after meeting them, but I can tell you the name of a dog I met once at a friend's house in second grade. 1:05 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

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Text - M @Love_bug1016 · 1d Which wine pairs best with I'm so over this fucking year? Q 397 27628 ♡ 2,242 WTF @Mhmm_ok_sure · 13h TOO A Tequila. ♡ 2

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Text - grace spelman @GraceSpelman started a playlist a few months ago of songs I think are truly "perfect" and al Thave right now is the Darth Vader march and "Sweet Emotion" by Aerosmith 12:14 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix I'm at that age where the most pain- free method of putting on socks is to just throw them at my feet and hope for the best. 4:11 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - elena is hibjørnating @ElenaBjxrn Today I discovered BOTH of my brothers thought that panty liners/ sanitary towels were stuck directly onto the wearer's flaps, not to their underwear. Apparently they thought the adhesive was to "seal it shut". One of them is married. 1:48 PM · 5/28/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Mitten d'Amour @MittenDAmour Thing I miss most about life pre- lockdown? Not the pubs, not the socialising, not the holidays. Feeling pretty. 12:31 PM · 5/30/20 · Tweetbot for iOS

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Text - Stephanie Wyeld @steph_the_twit Tjust sent my kids into the house alone to make hot chocolate and I'm enjoying nature in peace for a few minutes before I need to go inside and clean marshmallows out of my hairdryer or something 12:21 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

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Text - No Idea: Daddy Blog @byclintedwards Shopping in 2020 be like: I'm 60% sure I know that person, but I can't completely tell because they are wearing a mask, and l'm too socially awkward to wave because l might be wrong about knowing them, so l'll just look at the ground. 12:56 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman SIRI YOU RUDE AS HELL GET OUTTA HERE L TL Saturday, May 30 NOTES | SIRI SUGGESTION Help me on dating apps 12:45 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Adaptation - cluedont @cluedont | always said If I won the lottery I wouldn't do anything crazy, but that was before I saw this. 0:42 5.5M views · From Buitengebieden 7:56 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Andy Milonakis O @andymilonakis Congratulations to the Astronauts that left Earth today. Good choice

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Text - Jess Carpenter @JessCarpWrites My husband told me he had a nightmare that someone poured concrete on top of his grass that he's worked so hard to grow and if that ain't the daddest dreams of all dad dreams 9:08 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Magnificently Messy @Musings_of_wine Have kids they said... 1 week's worth of groceries. 1.75 lb @ 1 lb /1.77 PAE C3338308838 F 3.10 N DDLE2 2.58 N PEAS ROH PREMR 003354495841 CORONA PREMR 003354495044 068113132877 F 8.99 T 15.99 T TOTAL 543.02 WAITING FOR TOTAL AMOUNT Cancel iSC Touch 250 1.oz 2 ABC 3 DEF Cancel 4 GHI 5 JKL 6 MNO Clear 7 PRS 8 TUV 9 WXY Enter O*#,. 8:22 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

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People - Macho Man Andy Savage @The_Andy_Brown Angel: Alright God, you're up. How's the year 2020 going so far? God: I thought it was gonna be a hit! It turns out it fucking sucks! 9:05 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

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Text - Positively R@ndi @ICantEven001 19 just came running in my room panicked! His 6 foot carpet python escaped last night and we can't find him anywhere!!! There is only one logical solution to this...I'm moving! 10:17 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Cat - cluedont @cluedont Me: How would you summarise 2020 so far? Му cat: 10:43 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - meghan @shehas_freckles i'm doing what any reasonable 32 year old woman does on a thursday evening.. drinking beers & playing Mario Kart. alone. 5:13 PM · 5/28/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Eddie Random @stereofiasco McDonald's is considered 'fast food' but when I ask them to hold the Canadian bacon from my Egg McMuffin I have to pull forward as it's considered a "special order" even though I'm literally giving them permission to skip a step. 3:21 PM · 3/9/19 · Twitter Web Client

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Text - Adam At A Distance @adamof_alltrade I'll be 33 next week and I still can't figure out how I ever sat cross-legged comfortably. 4:49 AM · 5/29/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Eddie Random @stereofiasco I've always thought 'chupacabra' sounded like one of those bullshit meal items Taco Bell invents to sell the same combination of beans, meat, tortillas, and nonsense. 8:45 AM · 5/28/20 · Twitter Web App

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Fresh Tweets That Are As Funny As They Are Brief

Want a little short and sweet humorwithout braving the veritable minefield that is Twitter these days? We don’t blame you. The political cacophony is the last thing we need at a time when pain and sufferingare being nonchalantly shoved down our throats. That’s why we’ve gathered this healthy handful of brevity-boasting tweets to give you the humor you crave. Happy scrolling.

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Fresh Twitter Gems To Amuse The Masses

What if we told you that you could enjoy fresh amusement from Twitter without seeing all the crazies and wannabe politicians doing their thing? That’s what our Twitter galleries are all about. We put together theshort and sweet gemsso you can avoid the minefield that is social media.There’s something here for everyone, whether you’re looking for memes or simple one-liners. Happy scrolling!

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Rock - bug @crevicedwelling She made friends with an avocado

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Face - Kim Jong Undead @lickitoff Damn when black mirror saying shit is too wild shit is too wild IndieWire O @IndieWire 13h IndieWre #BlackMirror Creator Says the World Is Too Bleak Right Now for Season 6 bit.ly/3frZzKX

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Text - J. @_JJada_ $51,000? A YEAR?! and i'm out here doing this for FREE? honorary marlian @ayoobby1 · 2d damn being a clown don't seem that bad $51,000 a year Average Full-Time Clown Salary

4.

Text - Don't wake me @MamaBear2_0 Got a salad for lunch to be healthy. 2.5 hours later l'm eating chips and salsa because I was so good at lunch. Balance, right? 2:42 PM · 5/11/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Product - rozhan @stylebyrxg can't wait to walk down the aisle

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Text - sarafcarter @sarafcarter Me: why can't I quiet my mind when it's time to go to sleep? Also me: *spends my whole night watching TV while texting and scrolling through Instagram*

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Text - BOLLOCKS @itsallbollocks Me: i miss my friends My friends: let's video call Me: no

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Text - virgil @fuckpercs bitches be sleeping with 8 pillows and 5 covers, with the fan on ... naked ..

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Text - Steady Flyer @SteadyFlyer What we study in class vs. what's on the exam paper fishball membrane fishballeolus lime fishball coral pasta cabbage strands of hair mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell pickled ginger matcha pepper orange peel

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Text - Ron Iver @ronnui_ This tweet is for dudes who learned guitar specifically to pick up girls ONLY- guys what happened I really thought this would work for us 11:20 AM · 5/11/20 · Twitter for Android

11.

Infrastructure - Chelsea Peretti @chelseapereti ..thus proving that squats and push- ups can be done anywhere..? 8 WFLA NEWS @WFLA · 1d WATCH: Protesters calling for gyms to reopen in Florida are doing squats and push-ups outside the Clearwater courthouse 8.wfla.com/2L9NDUQ #Florida #COVID19 Show this thread HAPPENING NOW: CLEARWATER GYM PROTEST Wwfla.com NOW NEW WFLA FANS RET ESTILL, ANTHONY MCCOMSEY, ANN NEVENI SANZ, CYNDI DANG, AMY GOMEZ, KAM 1-800 ASK-GARY 10:59 AM · 5/11/20 · Twitter for iP

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Text - the drake gatsby @DrakeGatsby Having a vasectomy is just the real life version of putting your Sims in the pool and deleting the ladder 7:45 PM · 5/11/20 · Twitter for iPhone

13.

Text - Jessie @mommajessiec Tjust gave my 2 weeks notice to 2020. 5:03 PM · 5/11/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix Bars are going to make a fortune when they reopen because everyone's alcohol tolerance is through the roof right now 6:33 AM · 5/11/20 · Twitter Web App

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Text - @telushk My moms are both remarried so I have like 4 moms. Not to mention the large number of other lesbians they raised me in community with. What is the name for a group of lesbians? A riverbank? A Lilith's Brood? I know this is already a thing, someone give me the correct answer 2:44 PM · 5/10/20 · Twitter for iPhone

16.

Face - Adrian @adrnmrp me buying stuff online: "you don't need that, you're just bored"

17.

Product - pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" @pixelatedboat Getting through this together Me Some website I ordered an HDMI cable from 6 years ago

18.

Text - cancela lansbury @gossipbabies Companies be like " Now more than ever , we will let you buy our product"

19.

Text - Alex Dragicevich @alexdrag_ Sorry I didn't respond to your text, I was on my phone

20.

Text - Jared Freid @jtrain56 Fighting a hangover with alcohol is why I'm not ready to be a parent. 7:12 PM · 5/6/20 · Twitter Web App

21.

Text - sarafcarter @sarafcarter People keep saying that when this is over, we should have no problem deciding where to eat. No. Can you imagine the amount of artificial pressure l'm gonna place on myself to pick the "right" restaurant now?? This is no ordinary Friday night, this is the First Supper

22.

Text - Cletus Van Damme IG: @goobertron_prime Never date a girl who carries a tiny purse or even worse no purse at all. She doesn't need you or anything else to survive.

23.

Text - Cletus Van Damme @GoobertronPrime The government can't fade me. Women been telling me I'm non-essential my whole life.

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Text - Cletus Van Damme IG: @goobertron_prime @eriannaloves I can fall in love with a dog immediately. However, it takes me approximately 7 to 10 years, 56 obstacle courses and weekly visits to the therapist to love a person.

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Text - SARA BUCKLEY @nottheworstmom Well-rested me: motherhood is a gift Tired me: fuck these kids

26.

Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Me: You have school tomorrow. 9-year-old: Real school or school with you? Me: School with me is real school. 9: Real teachers know math.

27.

Text - wittyidiot @stephenszczerba Catch feelings? In THIS economy?!?

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Skin - @sg_rose_ Quarantine day ???: the cat is trying to communicate

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Text - sarafcarter @sarafcarter Feel like if we dated and I drove you everywhere, cleaned up after you, and paid for all your shit, the least I could get is a Happy Mother's Day text

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Legendary Cat Brings Owner Stolen Baked Doughnut (Tweets)

Cats are the cutest little thieves! And usually, the things they bring us as “gift” are mementos (of their hunt) and we humans aren’t so pleased to receive. 

This cat owner, @aliceyarr, has probably received one of the only cat “gifts” that’s actually pretty darn awesome — a doughnut. 

Yes, it was a stolen doughnut but imagine this, you’re at home — a doughnut-less home — and all of a sudden your cat wanders in with a doughnut! It sounds like a dream, to be honest. After sharing the story on Twitter, a few users had to share their thieving cat experiences. 

Cats are the cutest little thieves! And usually, the things they bring us as “gift” are mementos (of their hunt) and we humans aren’t so pleased to receive. 

This cat owner, @aliceyarr, has probably received one of the only cat “gifts” that’s actually pretty darn awesome — a doughnut. 

Yes, it was a stolen doughnut but imagine this, you’re at home — a doughnut-less home — and all of a sudden your cat wanders in with a doughnut! It sounds like a dream, to be honest. After sharing the story on Twitter, a few users had to share their thieving cat experiences. 

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Photo caption - alice @AliceYarr So Jim came in this morning and he was SOAKING wet, we reckon a neighbour sprayed him with a hose and we were so sad for his lil face. Then 5 mins later he returns with a fucking whole doughnut in his mouth. We didn't have any in the house. I think I know why Jim got sprayed. 2:57 PM - Apr 11, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 996 Retweets 8.5K Likes

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Text - alice @AliceYarr Some cats bring back dead animals as a gift for their owners. Jim brings back stolen baked goods. We were made for each other. 3:02 PM · Apr 11, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 19 Retweets 972 Likes

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Cat - alice @AliceYarr The only thing I can't figure out is whether he stole a doughnut and so got sprayed, or got sprayed and went back for a revenge doughnut steal. Either way, what a man 3:04 PM · Apr 11, 2020 . Twitter for iPhone 59 Retweets 1.7K Likes

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Cat - alice @AliceYarr I'm glad Chief Jim Hopper is bringing some joy into your lives. I will give him extra scritches from you all (p.s. stay at home, wash your hands, listen to @MyFavMurder/@replyall/@JensenandHoles, check out @yelyahwilliams' new songs, dance around to @bleachersmusic 8:45 PM · Apr 11, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 5 Retweets 442 Likes

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Text - ellis @loveifwemadeit Replying to @AliceYarr My cat brought HERSELF home - When I was like 8 we had to rehome our cat Annie cause we were really struggling with money, she turned up on our doorstep a year later. No idea how she found her way back, she just sauntered back in and lived with us til she was 16 and passed e 9:45 PM - Apr 11, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Hong Kong Hermit @HongKongHermit Replying to @AliceYarr and @stavvers Holy shit! And to think we worried about the lack of compelling new drama stories with the cinemas being closed. 4:47 PM - Apr 11, 2020 - Twitter for iPad

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Face - Kaye Symington @kayesymington Replying to @AliceYarr My son, also called Jim, stole half a doughnut from my plate yesterday, do you think a switch has been flipped to affect all Jim's? 4:45 PM Apr 11, 2020 - Twitter for Android 1 Retweet 16 Likes alice @AliceYarr Apr 11 Replying to @kayesymington When he sees the donut left unattended GIF 22

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Text - Jojo @MaRaineyBlues Replying to @AliceYarr I had a Siamese cat that would roam the streets looking for a way into kitchens. He once stole an entire Sunday roast chicken, cooked, then ran off down the street dragging it along. The man who cooked it was running behind! 6:09 PM - Apr 11, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 6 Retweets 157 Likes

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Font - ROU Frank Exchange of Wooloos @mockferret Replying to @AliceYarr There was a great dane who lived in the house over the back from us. One of our cats used to go on daring raids into their garden and steal his biscuits New 7:21 PM - Apr 11, 2020 · Twitter Web App

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Cat - Leon @Toxophiliteleon Replying to @AliceYarr Maisie here brings us bees. Live bees. In her mouth. Every day. Especially exciting as my wife is allergic to bee stings. Maisie has never been stung. Cats. GOM 11:38 AM - Apr 12, 2020 - Twitter for Android

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Twitter Users Describe Cute And Funny Pet Stories (21 Tweets)

When Twitter user @AbriltheDuchess shared a story about her dog coco living in an apartment that was not pet friendly, it created a lovely thread of other users sharing hilarious and adorable stories about their dogs as well.

Turns out, dogs are pretty mischievous… who knew right? 

Enjoy the stories of their shenanigans! 

When Twitter user @AbriltheDuchess shared a story about her dog coco living in an apartment that was not pet friendly, it created a lovely thread of other users sharing hilarious and adorable stories about their dogs as well.

Turns out, dogs are pretty mischievous… who knew right? 

Enjoy the stories of their shenanigans! 

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Text - New thread: share your best story involving pets. For example: When Coco was still a baby, we were not allowed to have pets in our apartments. One day, the landlord rang the bell and Coco barked, so she asked: "Do I hear a dog barking?" and I answered: "No, that was me." A mom will do anything for her child.

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Text - My dog ate an entire collection of soap and his butt was like a bubble blower for like a week.

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Text - I was pretending to cry to see if my dog would pay attention to me... When he finally did, he went to my bed to lie down, and started to cry with me. In our family, even the dog has issues.

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Text - When people come to my place, my dog steals stuff from their pockets: money, wallets, papers. He must have been a thief in a previous life.

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Canidae - We went to the beach on a family trip and when we came back, our dog was gone. Instead, a brand new brown dog appeared. It turns out that he dyed his fur by taking a mud bath. You can see what he normally looks like in the first picture.

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Dog - My aunt had a bad day at work, so she came back home saying that she was stressed and that everything went wrong that day. She then said: "The only thing that could make this day worse would be if a dog peed on me." Then Chato came by and peed on her shoes.

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Dog - When we took this picture, Mila was 3 and we had just bought meat for the whole week. She opened the fridge and ate everything. Both of us were almost thrown out of our apartment.

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Mammal - This is Bianca. She's always eating pebbles, clothes, dirt, leaves, grass, paper, and anything that crosses her path. We always run after her to make sure she's not eating whatever she grabs with her mouth, and she even shows it off. We rescued her by leaving a dog food trail behind us when she was trying to break out of our place.

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Dog - Lulu ate my biology notes before my final exam. She was to her stomach... clearly sick

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Dog - When this tiny thing was 3 months old, she asked me to lift her to get on the couch. What for, you ask? To fart and then leave. Even now that she's already 10 months old, she still does it. I love her anyway.

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Text - I went to the store, and on my way back, I turned the corner and saw Nina's head sticking out of the window. I ran back home shouting for her to not jump, but when I came inside, she did jump.

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Dog - 2 kids happily playing together. They cannot do it anymore because they've nearly tripled their size, haha.

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Mammal - This is Little Baby. I once gave him an ice cube and now he's obsesed with ice. We can't even touch the freezer because evey time we do, he starts crying and shaking. HE WANTS ICE.

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Dog - When Pancho was still a puppy, we left him home alone and when we came back we found him in front of the TV (that was on) with a half-chewed remote. Now he's 12. Storms make him cry and he barks at you if you confront him.

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Canidae - At home we used to keep the eggs on the counter, next to the fridge. When Rocky was still a baby, we left him alone at home and when we came back, we found the carton of eggs on the floor (we had just bought it). Except that there weren't any broken eggs or shells on the floor. The dog had eaten the whole dozen eggs – shells and all!

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Mammal - The first timeI had to leave my dog alone at home, he ate my mother's foundation. When we came back home, at first we thought he was bleeding, but then we cleaned him. He kept this pinkish color for 2 months.

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Canidae - My dog had something in his eye, so I had to take him to the vet. When we got into the waiting room, a poodle barked at him and he started to cry. This is my dog-child:

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Dog - He used to sneak into the bathroom's trash can until his head got stuck in the lid.

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Dog - My boyfriend traveled 250 miles by bus to pick up our new dog and bring it back to our place in a backpack, because we couldn't manage to find anyone who'd bring it by car.

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Snout - This is Junior, and once he took my sister's toothbrush. She was so mad because she had to throw her toothbrush away, but he just wanted to keep his teeth clean, hahaha..

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Dog - Hutch first came to live with us back when I started having anxiety attacks. Every time I cried, he would sit beside me, and give me kisses so that I would cheer up. He still does. Here's a picture of this angel.

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Adele Reveals Dramatic Weight Loss And Obviously Every Twitter User Has A Take

It’s no secret that there’s an unhealthy preoccupation with the physical form where showbiz is concerned. Tabloids seem to thrive on sharing poorly-lit photos of cellulite-dappled thighs and speculate pregnancy when a star might just be bloated or is photographed at an awkward angle. Award-winning singer-songwriter Adele has dealt with this for much of her career. After making a return to Instagram to thank first responders and essential workers for their help during the crisis, most people could only focus on her dramatic weight loss. 

As usual, everyone on Twitter had something to say about the matter. Adele’s transformation has women decrying the media’s focus on the body, people reminding the world of the star’s talents and accomplishments, and then, of course, there are the comedians. We’ve included a handful here, but if you’re looking for more, head over to Twitter. Frankly, we could care less about Adele’s weight. We just hope she’s happy and keeps pumping out that sweet, sweet music. 

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Text - Katie Meehan @_katiemeehan Can we please not celebrate Adele for losing weight like it's the ultimate achievement? The news articles & tweets are disgusting 3:36 AM - 5/6/20 · Twitter for iPhone 1,756 Retweets 16.9K Likes Katie Meehan @_katiemeehan 5h v Replying to @_katiemeehan I'd like to clarify that Adele has accomplished many amazing things in her career, of which she SHOULD be celebrated for. Her body should not be spoken about as if it's her only asset. It's cruel and unfair. All b

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Text - Melissa Blake O @melissablake I see that Adele is trending because people are saying how gorgeous she is since she lost weight. Y'all, we've been over this... Your weight doesn't determine your beauty. Your appearance doesn't determine your beauty. The number on the scale doesn't make you worthy or unworthy. 4:09 AM · 5/6/20· Twitter Web App

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Text - Audrey @almostfuckingdo please stop saying Adele had a "glow up" we have no idea what her health was/is like and this is just reinforcing the "skinny ideal" or the concept that the skinnier you get the prettier you get 1:25 AM · 5/6/20 · Twitter for iPhone *.....

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Text - Emma Kelly O @TooManyEmmas Yes Adele looks amazing, Adele looked amazing before she lost weight too, Adele is amazing 2:02 AM · 5/6/20 · TweetDeck

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Text - jack @imchained2katy yes adele has lost a lot of weight, but she has always been beautiful regardless 1:56 AM 5/6/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - a baekhyun event. @longlivelisa rest assured, Adele was ALWAYS a gorgeous woman regardless of size. She was always EATING a magazine shoot UP and the world literally loves her. She has zero haters and does no wrong 1:46 AM · 5/6/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Hanna Ines Flint @HannaFlint Adele losing weight doesn't mean that she wasn't beautiful at any size and complimenting her appearance now doesn't take away from that fact! Her body, her choice for how it looks. You do you, girl! Happy birthday, May sister MERCUY PRZE PHA PRZE PRIZ 2:15 AM 5/6/20 Twitter for Android

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Text - Roisin Ingle O @roisiningle Adele is the same person she was. Not a better person. Nota more acceptable person. The same. The growth is on the inside. She is a strong, brilliant, talented woman. 5:50 AM · 5/6/20 · Twitter Web App

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Text - @JoeSaunders Never mind Adele's weight loss, her achievements so far are MAD: 120 million records, 15 Grammys, 18 Billboard Awards, 5 AMAS, an Oscar, a Golden Globe, the fastest selling album in iTunes history and the best selling album of the year 4 times in a decade. Happy 32nd, Queen

11.

Text - Tim Dillon @TimJDillon Adele must gain 600 lbs to be a true queen. She must be massive, a planet, a cruise ship. She must be lowered onto the stage by a crane. Anything less is immoral. 12:52 PM · 5/6/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Clothing - DADDY MOON BAE Jimin Jr. @EliLiberty_ someone said "Adele went from Hello to WTF DO YOU WANT?!?!??"

13.

Text - La breta @bret_delevingne The most beautiful part of this picture isn't Adele bein skinny. Its Adele's smile.

14.

Text - A+ Jay @jayrotoole The only comments we should be reading about Adele is how incredibly talented she is: Superb talent: Superb talent: Natiode MERCURY PRIZE Natioide MERCURY PRIZE CURY CURY 1:47 PM · 5/6/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Twenty-Six Highly Relatable Twitter Truths

Twitter has a knack of taking those little tics we thought were weird and unique and helping us realize that we’re not alone. While thesetweetsmay feel (to some) like a personal attack, to us they’re a much-needed reminder of the normalcy we miss so dearly. 

1.

Text - b.b @benoobrown You ever lay next to someone and try to breath like them and almost die???

2.

Text - Lover Boy @gilineezy Does anyone else pack underwear for a trip like they're planning on shitting themselves twice for every day they're gone?

3.

Text - Gabby Lizzul @gabbylizzul Do u ever drive like a solid 5 min while thinking about something incredibly random and stupid and then ur like we're any of those lights I passed green how did I get here WTF

4.

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5.

Text - @cocomkan You never realize how long a minute is until you're exercising 4/11/18, 2:11 AM

6.

Text - Fred The Fish BestMemes @FredTheFish8 If you had 6 minutes left to live, what's the last song you'd listen to? connor @connorhannigan4 l'd spend the whole 6 minutes trying to pick a song

7.

Text - Osama @osamawho Why is it so awkward walking back after you bowl in bowling aGe

8.

Text - Thread Blaine @_BlaineB if I wake up at 8:27 and my alarm was set for 8:30 you can bet 100% imma close my eyes and go back to sleep for those 3 minutes

9.

Product - me home alone blasting my music on full volume but stopping it every 5 seconds bc i think i hear a noise

10.

Text - cammy t @badboycammyt you ever just get a sharp stabbing pain in one of ur organs and u think ah fuck its finally happening

11.

Text - Ann Mark @annmarkk Do you ever just forget to hide your expressions for a minute and then you're like woah I did not mean to make that face out loud

12.

Text - j @JaredHixx do u ever zone out but ur aware that you zoned out but ur too lazy to zone back in

13.

Text - Dakota @Dakotawells57 You ever hit a pothole so hard you apologize to you car?

14.

Text - bk @BrandiKiger When medication says "do not operate heavy machinery" they're probably mainly referring to cars, but my mind always goes to forklift.

15.

Text - Bay @i_BAYlooknurway Ok but how fukin TIGHT was it rearranging your room when you were younger and it feeling like a different space and you'd show your parents and they'd be like wow very nice and you'd be like FUCK yes new room new me

16.

Text - Jordan Rutledge @JordanRutledge yea breakups are rough but have you ever played a card you thought was hilarious in cards against humanity and no one laughed

17.

Text - Rubber chief @Rubber_chief When you ask how much something is and it's expensive you pretend you're interested even though spiritually you're already on the bus home.

18.

Text - College Student @CollegeStudent using microsoft word *moves an image 1 mm to the left* all text and images shift. 4 new pages appear. in the distance, sirens.

19.

Text - PRINCE$$ @dejathompsonn Do y'all ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone about to piss you the hell off.

20.

Text - zander @alezander The worst part about online shopping is having to get up and get your card

21.

Text - Deyonce @deelalz Yall ever try to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so bystanders don't hear you fighting for your life

22.

Text - mae @letmybabyst4y me in my room in the dark at 3am tryna figure out whether that's my jacket or a headless man standing VERY stll 33

23.

Text - rav @Doughbvy If you drive past horses and don't say "horses" you're a psychopath

24.

Text - @stfualfie Does anyone else ever pull their phone out to check the time but then have to do it again cuz they forgot to actually look at the clock or am I just stupid

25.

Text - Katie Bergey @katiebergey When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved

26.

Text - jenna death @dumper_pupper69 sometimes i get really concerned about things very suddenly like i'll be chillin then all the sudden be like "o shit where's my birth certificate"

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Polite Blue Tobacco Hornworn Won’t Pupate, Only Wants Noms (Tweets)

Meet the Dr Manhattan of Caterpillars! This big guy is a Blue Tobacco Hornworn, and a big one! 

His owner, Twitter user @stringmousey shared some adorable pics of the big fella claiming he won’t pupate — only eat. 

Not that we can blame him, food is delicious and all we think about. The tweet went viral due to the massive size of the caterpillar but also because one of the images looks so polite that everyone had something to say! And those who didn’t know what to say drew instead. 

Check out the fun thread below! 

Meet the Dr Manhattan of Caterpillars! This big guy is a Blue Tobacco Hornworn, and a big one! 

His owner, Twitter user @stringmousey shared some adorable pics of the big fella claiming he won’t pupate — only eat. 

Not that we can blame him, food is delicious and all we think about. The tweet went viral due to the massive size of the caterpillar but also because one of the images looks so polite that everyone had something to say! And those who didn’t know what to say drew instead. 

Check out the fun thread below! 

1.

Caterpillar - stringmouse @stringmousey This dude does not want to pupate. I think he's enjoying being a caterpillar too much. All he wants to do is eat and he's gotten enormous. 6:52 PM · Apr 14, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 30.7K Retweets 218.1K Likes

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Caterpillar

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Lizard

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Turquoise

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Turquoise - viviana @urpapichulx Replying to @stringmousey and @mild3wvein he literally said LET HIM EAT 9:38 AM · Apr 15, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 1.5K Retweets 25.2K Likes

6.

Text - Holy Boot @The_HolyBoot Replying to @urpapichulx @stringmousey and @mild3wvein 8:21 PM Apr 15, 2020 - Twitter Web App 210 Retweets 5.5K Likes

7.

Turquoise - What day is it? @akikoscuties Replying to @stringmousey please sir, can i have some leaves??? 11:58 PM Apr 14, 2020 Twitter for Android 661 Retweets 13.8K Likes

8.

Text - ratfish, sudden fan of cat pee @girlyratfish Replying to @akikoscuties and @stringmousey look at his polite little hands. 6:06 AM Apr 15, 2020 · Twitter for iPad 39 Retweets 5.3K Likes

9.

Text - Expandus Abdomonous @VybrantChonk Replying to @stringmousey and @FlummoxedCat How old is it? From what I can find this is a Blue Tabacco Hornworm and they generally get pretty big before slowly shrinking to get ready to pupate 3 dags 18 days 12 dass 13 duys 15 gans grans 15 days 5gams 21 days 20 days 6 prams 18 dags 10 goms 19 days Pre Pupa EattyPupa Pupa 4:52 AM Apr 15, 2020 - Twitter for Android 193 Retweets 6.8K Likes paopu @cleffairies_x · Apr 15 Replying to @VybrantChonk Oh no. I fee

10.

Text - it rabbu @redrabbu Replying to @stringmousey NO PUPATE, ONLY GRUB 6:28 AM - Apr 15, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 90 Retweets 4.5K Likes Melamcholyblack @melancholycafe_ Apr 15 Replying to @redrabbu and @stringmousey You damned legged worm I swear to God mega morph, transform, evolve! t3 47 O 2.4K

11.

Text - stringmouse @stringmousey Replying to @InsanityPilgrim I'm not sure how they "decide" its time but at some point they will usually stop eating, start wandering around, and the vein in the body becomes visible and begins pulsating. It's a noticeable change. This guy is just lagging. 6:54 AM - Apr 15, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 50 Retweets 3.ЗK Likes

12.

Turquoise - Lizbeth Eden @ ONLYFANS @LizbethEden Replying to @stringmousey rarrrr ima shark 9:37 AM Apr 15, 2020 Twitter for iPhone 61 Retweets 2K Likes

13.

Turquoise - Kaiser Tia @kaisertia Replying to @stringmousey and @thebiologistisn 10:14 AM - Apr 15, 2020 - Twitter for Android 66 Retweets 1.2K Likes

14.

Text - øbzidion @Spac3Trash Replying to @stringmousey and @Charlies_Scene That's the homie from Alice in wonderland fam 8:16 AM - Apr 15, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 12 Retweets 982 Likes øbzidion @Spac3Trash Apr 15 Replying to @Spac3Trash @stringmousey and @Charlies Scene GIF 11 22 1.6K 7.

15.

Organism - Sailor Mini Bitch @CascasTiddies Replying to @stringmousey and @potionsparkles Someday I'll be a beautiful butterfly, GIF 6:59 PM - Apr 14, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 184 Retweets 7.9K Likes

16.

Text - Sugar Gay Dude @ghostkiie Replying to @stringmousey let him be chonky 9:51 PM Apr 14, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 19 Retweets 1.9K Likes

17.

Text - I Am Lyna's Mom and I Am Proud of Her (oOwo0) @iguananon Replying to @stringmousey I had to draw them, they are too cute! 6:15 PM - Apr 15, 2020 · Twitter Web App

18.

Text - S.E. Tonx @lmSETonx Replying to @stringmousey I had to do it. HEY, PUPATE. No, v 12:06 AM - Apr 16, 2020 · Twitter Web App

19. Update #1

Caterpillar - stringmouse @stringmousey Update from your boy 7:28 PM Apr 16, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 199 Retweets 1.8K Likes

20. Update #2! Good luck on your journey!

Text - Artifact - stringmouse @stringmousey It's on everybody! Wish them luck. 8:08 PM : Apr 18, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 27 Retweets 292 Likes

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Fall Into The Foxhole (50 Pics, Gifs, And Memes)

Bring on the foxy foxes! We humans have a weird love for foxes and we think we know exactly why, they are the perfectly hybrid of a dog and a cat. 

The more you think about it, the more true it seems. 

Get ready to fall deep into the foxhole! With 50 pics, gifs, memes, and just all things fox-related! 

Bring on the foxy foxes! We humans have a weird love for foxes and we think we know exactly why, they are the perfectly hybrid of a dog and a cat. 

The more you think about it, the more true it seems. 

Get ready to fall deep into the foxhole! With 50 pics, gifs, memes, and just all things fox-related! 

1.

Adaptation - foxpost-generator Octopuses can fit through any gap larger than their beak. R9Pe Story mone GIF by gif87a-com therebloggening What a beautiful octopus. Source: foxpost-generator

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Canidae

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Mammal

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Red fox

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Mammal

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Red fox

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Canidae - Helen Dale @_HelenDale The fox I planted last year is coming along nicely.

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Cat

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Mammal - umm lemme shniff shnoff shniff *shnoff alternative forest doggo u ok? doin me an aprehensive

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Mammal - A. ©KuUm FELISRANDOMIS

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Mammal - OBRITTANYCROSSMAN.COMI

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Child - Ansan de Cor-Hanemepu. МАЛЕНЬКИЙ ПРИНЦ MAAEHLKHt NPHHU A

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Child - AwonkCae ALAAEHLAH TIPHHLI MAAEHE TOHI

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Mammal

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Dog

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Red fox - Jason Noack Photography

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Vertebrate - uoue) Canon ом

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Mammal - Tricksy Thinker Fanciful Sound Peepers. Triangles -Nom Seeker Snaggly Toof Floofy Wiggler Stylish Stockings -Den Diggers

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Canidae

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Cat

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Tagged: aww , foxes , pics , gifs , fox , cute , Memes , tweets , funny

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Miniature Collection Of Animal Wholesomeness And Silliness

These tweets and images ought to get a few smiles out of you! It’s the perfect blend of wholesome-cute and downright silly. 

It may be a small collection but don’t underestimate it’s mightiness. 

15 feel-good images (and one video) all for you to enjoy! 

These tweets and images ought to get a few smiles out of you! It’s the perfect blend of wholesome-cute and downright silly. 

It may be a small collection but don’t underestimate it’s mightiness. 

15 feel-good images (and one video) all for you to enjoy! 

1.

Text - Text - America Needs to Get Back To Work Why Not Work From Home Forever? AS AMERICA debates a re- turn to work, it's important not to rush. We need to balance the ENOUGH IS enough. Ameri- can business has taken a historic plunge over the past month. It's BY A DOG BY A CAT economy against the ex- tremely valid concerns about public health time to con- sider a practi- cal plan for protecting public health-while also allowing for a return to work and, hope- and protecting lives. And walks. W

2.

Dog - Field Yates @FieldYates This is Cisco. He's taken four naps on his first day home. He also likes to chew things. My wife says he's the man of the house already. 14/10I do agree. cico brewers cisco

3.

Wildlife - foxpost-generator Octopuses can fit through any gap larger than their beak. 292e Story mone GIF by gif87a-com therebloggening What a beautiful octopus. Source: foxpost-generator

4.

Honeybee - reply bi Follow @BUGPOSTING always thinking about how the US Geological Survey couldn't classify this bee so they put its genus and species into their official government files as "bee cute furry face" bee cute furry face, m argentina. angle_2014-08-07-181.05 25 PMax Meutecotettes, Unanown Haiyeye Ber, cofecedin Argentine What an attiactive boe, unforturately. that s about all we cansay about tna species other than tis foundin the wostem semporste regions of Soum Americn n bolongs to

5.

Reptile - My mom made a bearded dragon coaster for his favourite window spote

6.

Dog breed - Lin-Manuel Miranda @Lin_Manuel Gmorning caffeine has entered the chat 7:18 AM · 4/9/20 · Twitter for iPhone

7.

Vertebrate - On average, a Panda feeds for approximately 12 hours per day. This is the same as an adult at home under quarantine, which is why we call it a "Pandemic"

8.

Adaptation - 'Doodlebug', an orphaned baby kangaroo was found abandoned on the side of the road when he walked up to a human, held out his arms, and asked to picked up. His rescuer later gave him a teddy bear, and he wouldn't stop hugging it.

9.

Text - Lejla McCready @LejlaMcCready @dog_rates I what kind of dog is this? Never noticed it before

10.

Product - "When my boyfriend's dog drinks water, it gets splashed all around. So, I made a small garden for around the bowl." © kuchka70 / pikabu

11.

Cat - Catherine Cavender @cat_apult Mochi is appalled Winnie is still here 6:36 AM - 4/2/20 · Twitter for iPhone

12.

Text - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates pup, pup, and away my friends 10:22 AM · 4/6/20 · Twitter for iPhone

13.

Dog - Catherine Cavender @cat_apult When in quarantine it's important to relay important messages @dog_rates TELE YOUR 2 WeRateDogs® 7:50 AM · 3/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

14.

Text - Cayayine @cayayine Replying to @dog_rates Just so I would understand from the dog's point of view, I tried going down the stairs on all four. I get it. 10:48 AM · 4/10/20 · Twitter Web App

15. Untitled

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Tagged: aww , wholesome , dogs , cute , tweets , Cats , funny , animals

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Insightful Thread About “Long Stringy Thingy” Discovered In The Ocean (Tweets)

It’s scientifically called a “siphonophore Apolemia” but everyone is calling it the world’s longest “long stringy stingy thingy.”

Which, honestly, is way more catchy. 

International ocean researchers may have just discovered the longest living… thing… in the known world. Captured in a haunting video and explained upon in a Twitter thread by biologist Rebecca Helm, who specializes in studying jellyfish at the University of North Carolina Asheville.

Helm calls the footage gave her “chills.” Find out why below. 

It’s scientifically called a “siphonophore Apolemia” but everyone is calling it the world’s longest “long stringy stingy thingy.”

Which, honestly, is way more catchy. 

International ocean researchers may have just discovered the longest living… thing… in the known world. Captured in a haunting video and explained upon in a Twitter thread by biologist Rebecca Helm, who specializes in studying jellyfish at the University of North Carolina Asheville.

Helm calls the footage gave her “chills.” Find out why below. 

1. Untitled

2.

Text - Open Ocean Exploration @RebeccaRHelm This animal is a kind of jelly, called a siphonophore. It's made of millions of interconnected clones, like if the Borg and the Clone Wars had a baby together. There are about a dozen different jobs a clone can do in the colony, & each clone is specialized to a particular task.. 10:05 PM Apr 6, 2020 - Twitter Web App

3.

Text - Open Ocean Exploration @RebeccaRHelm .most of the siphonophore colonies I've seen are maybe a 20cm long, maybe a meter. But THIS animal is massive. AND not just massive, the colony is exhibiting a stunning behavior: it's hunting.. 10:07 PM Apr 6, 2020 - Twitter Web App

4.

Text - Open Ocean Exploration @RebeccaRHelm Some of the clones specialize in catching prey. Their slender bodies hang with a single long tentacle dangling like a hook-studded fishing line. Like the frilled tentacles of another siphonophore pictured below.. (pic: @SchmidtOcean bit.ly/2JLKWMS) 10:09 PM · Apr 6, 2020 · Twitter Web App

5.

Text - Open Ocean Exploration @RebeccaRHelm A siphonophore colony in a line creates a curtain of deadly tentacles in the open ocean, but in THIS case, the animal is hunting in a galaxy-like spiral, the long wisp-like tentacles draped below. And the colony does not need to move to feed. 10:10 PM · Apr 6, 2020 Twitter Web App

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Text - Open Ocean Exploration @RebeccaRHelm .they'll send the nutrients through a long digestive tract that travels down the whole colony, so that every other clone can use the nutrients. In this way, this siphonophore may remain still and feed for a long time, and I mean LONG... 10:17 PM Apr 6, 2020 · Twitter Web App

8.

Text - Open Ocean Exploration @RebeccaRHelm .There is no good way to age siphonophores, but everything in the deep sea grows incredibly slowly. It's only a few degrees above freezing, life takes time to grow. This animal could be tens, possibly HUNDREDS of years old. And most of the time.. 10:17 PM · Apr 6, 2020 · Twitter Web App

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Text - Open Ocean Exploration @RebeccaRHelm Is one of the largest and most stunning and pristine siphonophores that l've ever seen. And to think... 10:21 PM Apr 6, 2020 - Twitter Web App

11.

Text - Open Ocean Exploration @RebeccaRHelm There are millions, probably billions of underwater siphonophore galaxies out there just like this one. Siphonophores are not rare, just fragile and remote. As we explore the ocean's more, who knows what other creatures we will see. [End of Thread] 10:22 PM · Apr 6, 2020 Twitter Web App

12.

Text - & sara @ #GRUNCHWEEK @pyramidserum Replying to @RebeccaRHelm so its like that snake game? 2:32 AM Apr 7, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone

13.

Text - Rob Rainbolt @Rob_Rainbolt Replying to @RebeccaRHelm There is nothing weirder than the ocean. And it's right here on Earth! 10:11 PM Apr 6, 2020 Twitter Web Client

14.

Text - Ok, O Boomer Mine @the_jemster Replying to @RebeccaRHelm and @hostworm me: the fuck is a siphonononpho aopelmiaafdsh wikipedia: me: ah yes that clears it up Apolemia uvaria, commonly known as string jellyfish, barbed wire jellyfish, 1 and long stringy stingy thingy 2l is a siphonophore in the family Apolemiidae.131 5:50 AM - Apr 7, 2020 - Twitter Web App

15.

Text - Elizabeth Loupe @elizabeth_loupe Replying to @RebeccaRHelm Would you be willing to explain to someone who Does Not Get it what the difference between a siphonophore and a normal animal is? Aren't pretty much all of our cells just specialized clones? Like, a siphonophore's stinger is a specialized cell, but so is a cardiac muscle cell. 12:36 AM Apr 7, 2020 · Twitter for Android 7 Retweets 344 Likes Open Ocean Exploration @RebeccaRHelm Apr 7 Replying to @elizabeth_loupe Brilliant! Yes, all

16.

Text - Iris @lrisOConnor Replying to @RebeccaRHelm So, it's like really really really long piece of string with bits attached to it that can do independent things? 10:43 PM Apr 6, 2020 - Twitter Web App 3 Retweets 181 Likes 27 Open Ocean Exploration @RebeccaRHelm Apr 6 Replying to @IrisOConnor YEP! That's exactly like what it is :D (the string has a gut inside that the bits can pass nutrients through) ta 3 254

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Source Pheromones

Sanity Break With Emergency Dose Of Kittens

Just checking in to make sure you’re all doing all right! And if you need a break from the chaos of the world, we’re here to help. 

Today, we bring you an ultra-awwdorable dose of some emergency kittens because.. 

1. It’s Monday

2. Things are still crazy

3. Monday and craziness? That’s a recipe for a breakdown. 

But not today! With this dose, you’ll get through this day and this time with a smile on your lovely face. Stay optimistic, people!  

Just checking in to make sure you’re all doing all right! And if you need a break from the chaos of the world, we’re here to help. 

Today, we bring you an ultra-awwdorable dose of some emergency kittens because.. 

1. It’s Monday

2. Things are still crazy

3. Monday and craziness? That’s a recipe for a breakdown. 

But not today! With this dose, you’ll get through this day and this time with a smile on your lovely face. Stay optimistic, people!  

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Cat - Emergency Kittens @EmrgencyKittens Cuteness overload 11:00 PM · Apr 3, 2020 - Twitter Media Studio

3.

Cat - Emergency Kittens @EmrgencyKittens The circle of life 10:00 PM - Mar 24, 2020 - Twitter Media Studio

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Cat - Emergency Kittens @EmrgencyKittens Whatcha readin'? he 4:00 PM · Mar 21, 2020 · Twitter Media Studio

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Cat - Emergency Kittens @EmrgencyKittens Afternoon tea Home is where your CAT is! 10:00 PM - Mar 20, 2020 - Twitter Media Studio

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Cat - Emergency Kittens @EmrgencyKittens 4:00 PM Mar 20, 2020 . Twitter Media Studio

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Cat - Emergency Kittens @EmrgencyKittens "She's mine!" 10:00 PM Mar 19, 2020 - Twitter Media Studio

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Cat - Emergency Kittens @EmrgencyKittens Coming along for the ride 4:00 PM - Mar 19, 2020 - Twitter Media Studio

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Cat - Emergency Kittens @EmrgencyKittens 10:00 PM - Mar 14, 2020 - Twitter Media Studio

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Cat - Emergency Kittens @EmrgencyKittens It's a catapalooza! 10:00 PM - Mar 13, 2020 - Twitter Media Studio

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Wildlife - Emergency Kittens @EmrgencyKittens Look at this little potato 4:00 PM - Mar 13 , 2020 . Twitter Media Studio

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Cat - Emergency Kittens @EmrgencyKittens Priorities 10:00 PM - Mar 12, 2020 - Twitter Media Studio

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Uplifting The World One Doggo Rate At A Time (New Tweets)

Heckin’ adorable and righteous rating system… 15/10 always. 

Nothing brings out the pure wholesomeness and joy like “We Rate Dogs” does! Just let the happiness and warmth of all these pupperinos wash over you.

Heckin’ adorable and righteous rating system… 15/10 always. 

Nothing brings out the pure wholesomeness and joy like “We Rate Dogs” does! Just let the happiness and warmth of all these pupperinos wash over you.

1.

Dog - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates This is Nellie. She's an astronaut. Please don't interrupt her spacewalk. 13/10 6:45 PM · Apr 6, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 31.6K Retweets 258.9K Likes

2.

Vertebrate - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates We only rate dogs. These are perfectly synchronized wild horses. Please learn the difference. Thank you.. both 13/10 7:07 PM - Apr 7, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 8.4K Retweets 122.5K Likes

3.

Dog - WeRateDogs @dog_rates This is Sushi. She knows it's been a long day. Offering to split her pancake with you. 14/10 thank you Sushi that's very kind Baileigh Mitchell 3:24 AM Apr 9, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 12.6K Retweets 115.5K Likes

4.

Dog - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates This is Pepper. She thinks the world is a little scary. Plans to stay in her bag for a bit. 12/10 would ask if there's room in there for one more Danielle Utz 3:44 AM - Apr 8, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 16K Retweets 168.2K Likes

5.

French bulldog - WeRateDogs @dog_rates This is Hulk and Stitch. Stitch was not a fan of acquiring a little brother. Now they won't stop cuddling. Both 13/10 madsss 3:36 AM - Apr 3, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 15.3K Retweets 143.5K Likes

6.

Dog - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates This is Duke. He recently started his own lawn care company. Relies on rufferals so please share. 12/10 accepts pats as payment Rachel Marie 3:32 AM Mar 31, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 10K Retweets 105.3K Likes

7.

Dog - WeRateDogs® @dog_rates This is Peach. She doesn't even need a haircut. Just likes that the chair spins in circles. 13/10 please spin her 2 OhMyDog 6:58 PM Mar 26, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 10.7K Retweets 118.7K Likes

8.

Dog - WeRateDogs @dog_rates This is Mac. Sometimes he misplaces his ears. Always finds them though. 13/10 2:09 AM - Mar 26, 2020 Twitter for iPhone 15.4K Retweets 157.6K Likes

9.

Dog - WeRateDogs @dog_rates This is Finn. He just went through a break-pup. Decided to get bangs. Now more confident than ever. 13/10 she doesn't deserve you king Belinda Rae 6:02 PM Mar 24, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 15.1K Retweets 142.7K Likes

10.

Product - WeRateDogs @dog_rates he has every right to be there. 13/10 TAYLOR @CALM_Taylor Mar 19 Why is there a Dog in the drive thru??? Show this thread 6:04 PM Mar 19, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 14.2K Retweets 146.1K Likes

11.

Canidae - WeRateDogs @dog_rates This is Sarge. He helps save injured and orphaned wildlife in his area. I'm told he loves all animals, but gets the most attached to fawns. 14/10 good boy Sarge OHIO Statehouse News 8:01 PM Mar 18, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 23.9K Retweets 157.3K Likes

12.

Canidae - WeRateDogs @dog_rates This is Andi and Olli. They fell asleep arguing over who gets to cuddle the chicken toy. 13/10 for both Rachel Kagan 3:00 AM - Mar 18, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 13.3K Retweets 104.7K Likes

13.

Dog - WeRateDogs @dog_rates This is Tonka. It's his first time at the park and he's a little shy. Was wondering if you'd be his friend. 12/10 I've never wanted anything so bad 2:30 AM - Mar 10, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone 21.3K Retweets 207.6K Likes

14.

Canidae - WeRateDogs @dog_rates This is Ned. He'll be conducting your check-pup today. Please don't giggle when you see him. He's $232,000 in debt from medical school and would appreciate some respect. 13/10 2 Megan 6:04 PM - Mar 9, 2020 - Twitter for iPhone 35.1K Retweets 223.5K Likes

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Simply An Assortment Of Semi-Humorous Memes

While some of you might not know what day it is, we’re still keeping track. Because we’re still working hard to provide y’all with some decent to moderately amusing memes. As we ease ourselves out of Thursday, we want ’em to keep your spirits high. There might be a dumb toilet paper shortage stateside, but we’re here to promise that there will never be a meme shortage. And that’s something to take comfort in.

While some of you might not know what day it is, we’re still keeping track. Because we’re still working hard to provide y’all with some decent to moderately amusing memes. As we ease ourselves out of Thursday, we want ’em to keep your spirits high. There might be a dumb toilet paper shortage stateside, but we’re here to promise that there will never be a meme shortage. And that’s something to take comfort in.

1.

Mammal - when you finally get what you want but it doesn't make you feel any better and just ruins your life more

2.

Text - SHE BELIEVED SHE COULD, BUT SHE WAS TIRED. . So SHE RESTED ¢ yOu KNOW WHATE THE WORLD WENT ON ¢ IT WAS OK. SHE KNEN SHE COMLD TRY AGAIN TOMORROW.

3.

Face - When the sink is full of dirty dishes, the trash needs to go out, and the washer and dryer are full THE DAD I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it

4.

Food - ZINNIA Follow @sailoremma A little something to take the edge off

5.

Text - I don't have a lot of money or gadgets but if my childhood self heard I own my own Wifi network, HD widescreen TV, all the music and movies I want via streaming, he'd think I had Bill Gates money. You never realize how much you have sometimes until you put yourself in perspective.

6.

Cartoon - I'M SAD I'M SAD. LEAVE ME ALONE. THANK YOU. NO. #11 HEYBUDDY COMICS O ft

7.

White - THE CREATURE ACCEPTS GENTLE HANDPATS I WAS ATTEMPTING NOT TO APPEAR DESPERATE You FAILED THANK YOU NATHANWPYLE

8.

Cartoon - I DUNNO WHAT IT NO. IS, I'VE JUST NEVER ENJOYED KALE. HAVE YOU TRIED IT BAKED? Cyanide and Happiness Explosm.net Ifunny.ce

9.

Hair - LIKED NINE INCH NAILS BEFORE THEY WERE A BAND RIEMURASIA.NET

10.

Text - BOTW 2 HYLIAN BOOGALOO @BugCatcherWill Things strict parents think they're teaching you: -How to behave What they actually teach you: -How to listen for footsteps -How to appear busy -How to manipulate someone into calming down -How to lie on the spot

11.

Text - When you're dead inside but love nature CLASSICAL ART MEMES ucebook.com/classicalartimumes

12.

Text - Words From Darran @ShinraAlpha Read a thing on Tumblr the other day about how "punishable with a fine" means "legal for rich people" and it's lodged in my head firmly. 6/30/18, 5:05 AM

13.

Cat - Hookers don't fart, they let out little prosti-toots

14.

Face - Me during my current phase Me during my emo phase. where I'm 1000x more sad, but dress normal for work. lol

15.

Cartoon - Me every time 16 year olds make a new word like yeet and I have to look on urban dictionary

16.

Text - killstiles: [holds my breasts for comfort] securititties

17.

Text - b @curseoffeeling my whole life consists of people asking me if i've seen this movie and me telling them no i haven't seen that movie and then them telling me i should see that movie and then me telling them i'll add it to the list but there is no list and i won't watch that movie

18.

Text - whospilledthebongwater : yroxis : Personality: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK Anxiety: I do No post has ever described my life as accurately as this one

19.

Line art - wanna do nothing? ye. Pellopudge

20.

Text - Thread luis @ShineMyShit u ever call ur dog n they huff like ur gettin on their last nerve

21.

Text - Cat: that's a nice boob you got there. Be a real shame if someone were to step directly on it and then not move, putting all their weight on a single paw.

22.

Text - im-prada--u-nada Paracosm @WompWizard Did you really have a bad day or did you have 10-20 minutes where you let your thoughts run undisciplined which Led you to a bad vibe that you let carry you away? Cmon, bro.. you run this shit. Pay attention. 03.08.18, 02:59 pettydavis this is a very fifth eye open galaxy brain mood

23.

Text - alex medina @mrmedina So your 30s is basically cleaning up after your irresponsible health, financial, spiritual, emotional, and mental decision of your 20s? 1:37 PM · 5/21/19 · Twitter for iPhone

24.

Projection screen - BE WHO You NEEDED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER.

25.

Sky - Start by doing 1 push up. Start by drinking 1 cup of water. Start by paying toward 1 debt. Start by reading 1 page. Start by making 1 sale. Start by deleting 1 old contact. Start by walking 1 lap. Start by attending 1 event. Start by writing 1 paragraph. Start today. Repeat tomorrow.

26.

Text - Pros and cons of making food Pros: food Cons: making

27.

Text - C.M. Galdre A @CMGaldre Wild bee: just getting snack Me: no prob bee Mason bee: just make house Me: build a way bị Honey bee:jus sampling the lavenders Me: you know I got an assortment Bumble bee: hey *bonk* I jus *bonk* I h Me: *holds flower still* Wasp: I'LL SEE U IN HELL Me: U TELL THEM WHO SENT U 3:41 AM · 08 Jul 18

28.

Clip art - Life is like roasting a marshmallow. You have to keep it moving, so it cooks evenly. It takes time And patience. F*ck%NG $H*4! LittleHikerBird

29.

Cartoon - I THOUGHT You I SAVED MY PROGRESS. QUIT DRINKING LAST WEEK. Cyanide and Happiness © Explosm.net

30.

Text - Thomas Pluck @thomaspluck Steps for reading articles: 1. Accept cookies 2. Block notifications 3. Deny location to website 4. Decline invitation to subscribe 5. Stop auto-playing video ads/mute sound 6. Dismiss reminder of free articles remaining 7. Shrink drop down banner 8. Click "read more" 9. Give up 2:33 AM · 12/6/19 · Twitter for Android

31.

Text - Rebecca Mix @rebeccarmix me before exercising: I'm going to hate this me, exercising: I hate this I hate this I hate this me after exercising: athena herself has blessed me. no man can defeat me. fire runs through my blood and my bones are crafted from steel. tremble, mortals, for I shall LIVE FOREVER

32.

Text - Kien Lam @MeanMisterKien saying "you need to calm down" - lacking in empathy - a rude command - stating the obvious saying "good, good, let the hate flow through you" - affirmative of their feelings - confirms it's normal to be upset - helps them embrace the unlimited potential of the dark side

33.

Text - OA nicky the friendly shark @mostlysharks new mother: would you like to hold the baby? me: honestly i would hate that

34.

Text - Little Tunny @little_tunny I do not exist to be viewed, to be considered sexy, desirable, I am but a vessel for pasta, and that is valid 3:35 · 27 Apr 19 · Twitter Web App 5,874 Retweets 15.4K Likes 27

35.

Text - adamisfat If anyone tells you that you can't be badass, and also girly, don't forget to tell them that one of the most beloved Norse goddesses, Freyja, was the goddess of beauty, sexuality, and fertility, but she was also the goddess of sorcery, war and death. tastefulnerd Also she did all this while riding a chariot pulled by cats. Source: adamisfat

36.

Cartoon - When you were afraid of Scar as a kid but relate to him on a personal level as an adult O'm surrounded by idiots.

37.

Text - im a huge fan of who im becoming. shes good, she's happy, she's trying to do great things. i like her

38.

Text - Some people finish college and start their careers at age 22, only to find themselves unhappy and starting over when they are 35. Others start working a minimum wage job at age 16 and work their way up the company ladder, retiring happily at age 50. Some people get married at age 25 only to divorce at age 27. Others marry when they are 50 and spend 40 years with their soulmate. Some women are ridiculed for becoming teen moms but end up living to meet their great great grandchildren. Other

39.

Text - I want a simple life. I want to get up late, drink tea, and read old books. I also want a spaceship and a pet dragon.

40.

Cartoon - Me trying to excel in my career, maintain a social life, drink enough water, exercise, text everyone back, stay sane, survive and be happy

41.

Text - THE MAIN THING TWANT TO ASK *IG YOGA INFLUENCERS" IS.. tiniest thong exposed botty Super-chunky double knit Pull-over (midriff length) *Extra x warm head feature thigh high extřa thick Woolly socks @indiey ogalife ARE YOU HOT? www.chedyer.com нот? OR ARE YOU COLD?

42.

Cartoon - IVE FINALLY FOUND IT... AFTER 15 YEARS THE SCROLL OF TRUTH! totcomics NTEHHH You must burn more calories than you consume to lose weight

43.

Cartoon - I love the work. I love my job! love the people. The only thing I don't love... Is lying to myself to get through the day. ©2019 Jeff Lofvers Don't Hit Save - donthitsave.com

44.

Text - Things I want: snuggles Things I receive: struggles

45.

Music artist - IT'S OK IF YOU FALL APART SOMETIMES THE MINDUNLEASHED TACOS FALL APART AND WE STILLLOVE THEM

46.

Text - Start by doing 1 push up Start by drinking a cup of water Start by paying toward 1 debt Start by reading 1 page Start by making 1 sale Start by deleting 1 old contact Start by walking 1 lap Start by attending 1 event Start by writing 1 paragraph Start today

47.

Text - bigbootywaifutrash @bigbootywaifut1 I need to either dye my hair Get a piercing Or get a tattoo. To, you know – appease the mental breakdown gods. 5:38 PM · 7/11/19 · Twitter for iPhone ili View Tweet activity

48.

Text - Gret¢hen @wokkax3 Don't ever be sad on a Saturday. Wait till Monday. You fucking cry on the clock. Don't let capitalism win.

49.

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Image Of Hidden Pug Goes Viral (Tweets)

A major thank you to Twitter user @yesworryya for bringing this picture into our lives. 

It’s exactly the thing we needed right now — to search an image for a hidden pug. 

Don’t spoil the fun for others though — keep those comments free of any spoilers! 

Here are some of our favorite reactions to this Twitter thread:

A major thank you to Twitter user @yesworryya for bringing this picture into our lives. 

It’s exactly the thing we needed right now — to search an image for a hidden pug. 

Don’t spoil the fun for others though — keep those comments free of any spoilers! 

Here are some of our favorite reactions to this Twitter thread:

Source Pheromones

Twitter Page Reveals Which Games Allow Users To Virtually Pet Animals

Here’s a page we have no idea existed, Can You Pet The Dog?, is a Twitter page all about whether or not you can pet various animals within different computer games. 

And since it’s discovery, we have a sudden urge to acquire all these games….just to pet some graphic animal.

If you’re wondering if you can pet a certain animal in a certain game — this is the Twitter page for you! We’ve already done some of the dirty work for you, just scroll down and see if your favorite game comes with a pet-petting ability!  

Here’s a page we have no idea existed, Can You Pet The Dog?, is a Twitter page all about whether or not you can pet various animals within different computer games. 

And since it’s discovery, we have a sudden urge to acquire all these games….just to pet some graphic animal.

If you’re wondering if you can pet a certain animal in a certain game — this is the Twitter page for you! We’ve already done some of the dirty work for you, just scroll down and see if your favorite game comes with a pet-petting ability!  

Source Pheromones

Sandra The Orangutan Puts Us All To Shame With Her Diligent Hand-washing

Sandra puts us all to shame with her diligent hand-washing! Look at her washing her hands so thoroughly, checking her nails and all! 

That’s surgeon prepping for surgery level, if you ask us… 

Take notes, everyone. Wash your hands and be more like Sandra. 

You might remember Sandra from a previous sad story. Sandra was isolated and imprisoned at an inhumane zoo for 25 year, in a cell-like enclosure in Argentina. Today. thankfully, Sandra is now living a wonderful life at the Center of Great Apes, a Great Ape Sanctuary, and is living with other orangutans. 

Video originally by Center for Great Apes. And if you wish to learn more about the incredible Sandra, look no further than here! 

Sandra puts us all to shame with her diligent hand-washing! Look at her washing her hands so thoroughly, checking her nails and all! 

That’s surgeon prepping for surgery level, if you ask us… 

Take notes, everyone. Wash your hands and be more like Sandra. 

You might remember Sandra from a previous sad story. Sandra was isolated and imprisoned at an inhumane zoo for 25 year, in a cell-like enclosure in Argentina. Today. thankfully, Sandra is now living a wonderful life at the Center of Great Apes, a Great Ape Sanctuary, and is living with other orangutans. 

Video originally by Center for Great Apes. And if you wish to learn more about the incredible Sandra, look no further than here! 

Source Pheromones

Wellington The Penguin Meets Beluga Whales

If you guys aren’t following @shedd_aquarium on Twitter, you’re definitely missing out on some under the sea magic! 

The staff are currently letting the penguins roam the empty aquarium and documenting their adventures!

And on March 31st, Wellington the Penguin meet beluga whales — for the very first time! And the belugas are northern hemisphere animals, so they likely have never seen a penguin either!

Which explains the second belugas curiosity as it presses its head against the glass for a better look! 

If you guys aren’t following @shedd_aquarium on Twitter, you’re definitely missing out on some under the sea magic! 

The staff are currently letting the penguins roam the empty aquarium and documenting their adventures!

And on March 31st, Wellington the Penguin meet beluga whales — for the very first time! And the belugas are northern hemisphere animals, so they likely have never seen a penguin either!

Which explains the second belugas curiosity as it presses its head against the glass for a better look! 

Source Pheromones