Superman That Hoe

Funny tweet that makes puns out of Soulja Boy, Dr. Dre, and Adele | Demic Soulja Boy not even a Soldier, Dr. Dre aint even a Doctor. Keep it going! @Mattmateee Adele isn't even a computer

Clever.

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Wordy Memes & Humor For The Cunning Linguists

It’s easy to take communication for granted. And we shouldn’t. The ins and outs of language are actually fascinating, whether you’re talking about the written or spoken word. And there are so many jokes to be made about the words we use to convey information. Some of the examples in this gallery are pretty terrible puns, but there’s also a lot of cleverness. You may even learn something new.

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Text - Mitch @HxOvAx just discovered the joy of pronouncing all words ending with "cles" like "heracles". obstacles. tentacles. motorcycles. testicles. microparticles. popsicles. debacles. i love words and sounds

2.

Text - MARINE BIOLOGY PROFESSOR: So an octopus can change its color to mimic its surroundings. When octopi do this it's called- ME: An octo-lie. PROFESSOR: ...Metachrosis. МЕ: PROFESSOR: ME: Mocktopus.

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Text - rabbiteclair fun projects you can do at home convince all your friends that a single piece of macaroni is called a macaronus Source: rabbiteclair 23,206 notes A

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Text - BEES ACTIVE IN THIS AREA ENTRANCE EMPLOYEE MUST WASH HANDS "E.R." NEW underwear 50 THE CLUNK IN THE ELEVATOR.. BEWARE OF DOG" EK EACH WILL NOT HARM YOU!L "LIVE" LOBSTERŞ "RESTROOMS" LOCATED ON WOMEN OTHER SIDE OF BUILDING vlals unnecessary quotation mark appreciation board prettypinkdork There are few things as profoundly funny as unnecessary/ominous quotations.

5.

Text - The Correct Way to Spell Potato If GH can stand for P as in 'hiccough,' If OUGH can stand for O as in 'dough,' If PHTH can stand for T as in 'phthisis,' If EIGH can stand for A as in 'neighbour,' If TTE can stand for T as in 'gazette,' If EAU can stand for O as in 'plateau,' Then the correct way to spell potato would be GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU.

6.

Text - Andrew Collin @AndrewTCollin A diss track is just two grown men sitting in separate rooms, writing poems about each other.

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Text - BANANA GRAMMAR 2323 BANANA BABA ANANNANA NANABA АВBА B AN NAB ANNA BANANNA BBBBBBBAN AAAAAAA NBA ΒΑNΑNA? NANANANANANANANA BANBAAA OERRAINEON

9.

Text - MARINE BIOLOGY PROFESSOR: So an octopus can change its color to mimic its surroundings. When octopi do this it's called- ME: An octo-lie. PROFESSOR: ...Metachrosis. МЕ: PROFESSOR: ME: Mocktopus.

10.

Text - Hannalore Gerling-Dunsmore @JoyofPhysics Me, as an undergrad, just starting upper level courses: THERE IS A PROFOUNDLY BEAUTIFUL REASON FOR ALL LAWS OF PHYSIOCS Me, as a perpetual graduate student: Light goes that fast because it wants to 1:19 PM · Jan 17, 2020 - Twitter Web App 4.1K Retweets 46.8K Likes Hannalore Gerling-Dunsmore @JoyofPhysics 20h Replying to @JoyofPhysics Me, now: light redshifts because it gets tired and blueshifts because it goes weeeeee going down the gravitational p

11.

Text - During the Cold War, the CIA considered airdropping XL condoms labeled "Medium" over the Soviet Union to demoralize the Soviet male population and make them feel anatomically inferior and afraid to fight the US. @americanaf Dammit, Ilove this country so much.

12.

Text - penny-anna In LOTR the word 'man' is only used for human men so now l'm imagining like Someone: are you a man or a woman? Pippin: I'm a hobbit Someone: but what's in your trousers Pippin: mostly snacks

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Text - Baby Boomer Juggalo Concerned Millennial Juggalos Won't Promote Same Dope- Ass Juggavalues Full story: thehardtimes.net

14.

Text - Brown Recluse @EISangito i quit doing comedy too but not because of PC culture or whatever but because most of us will never be as funny as this sign Walgreens phamacy drive thru GET YOUR SHONGLES SHIT TODAY 7:06 PM - Oct 3, 2019 - Twitter for iPhone 8.2K Retweets 39.3K Likes

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Headgear - British people when they hear 'kilometres per hour' instead of 'cups of tea per colonised nation' u/Educated Echidna *Earl Grey flavoured confusion*

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Text - setheverman all letters in my name are actually silent setheverman it's pronounced like *gust of wind* emeraldembers Are we talking a poetic autumn breeze or a fart here setheverman depends on your accent

17.

Text - Chat: "Can't" Email: "I cannot" Essay of 3,000 words: "Henceforth, I am unable to can"

18.

Fashion - Me walking into the scholastic book fair with $20 in my pocket about to buy 6 goosebumps and a lamborghini poster s MCL McL. SAT A IVE ON PA MA Vs M. SAT EO AYWEATHE OTION Mo CREG IVE

19.

Text - Art from Online @the_omega_sin I love that "take out" means food, dating, and murder. 07/03/2018, 05:53

20.

Pink - bitchycode neapolitan neaneanea polipolipoli tantantan neapolipoli neaneapoli politantan polipolitan neatantan neaneatan neaneapolitanpolineatanp mexipika Come get yalls neaneanea, tantantan, and polipolipoli Bregers Bregers Bregers NO SOSES naamahdarling I don't understand why this makes me angry instead of satisfies me, but it does

21.

Text - Brian Firenzi @mrbrianfirenzi In 1999, the movie Dick (about Nixon) came out, and it didn't stop playing at this drive-in theater all year long EDRIVE-IN EDRIVE-IN THE HAUNTING DICK MUPPETS FROM SPACE ANALYZE THIS DICK BIG DADDY EDRIVE-IN EDRIVE-IN 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU BRINGING OUT THE DEAD DICK DICK VIRUS MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

22.

Font - GOD Save THE QUEEN

23.

Text - Henry Sotheran Ltd @Sotherans ART COLLECTORS: my vault is hermetically sealed COMIC COLLECTORS: everything is ordered by issue and in plastic TOY COLLECTORS: I've never even opened this box BOOK COLLECTORS: (erupts from a pile of books) I have no idea what I was looking for when I started 11:34 AM 12 Feb 20

24.

Cartoon - HEAVENLY FATHER, THE HUMANS HAVE STARTED DOING SEX FOR ENJOYMENT. THE'VE ALSO STARTED SCREAMING YOUR NAME WHEN THEY CLIMAX. HMM... IT DOES TURN ME ON А ВТ. NOT GONNA LI... War and Peas 卡

25.

Text - COLLECTIVE NOUNS FOR ANIMAL GROUPS An exaltation of larks A leap of leopards A pride of lions A congregation of alligators A nest, army, colony, or swarm of ants A shrewdness or troop of apes A pace, herd, or drove of asses A troop of baboons A cete of badgers sloth or sieuth of bears A lounge of lizards A tiding of magpies A nest of mice A labor of moles A family or colony of beavers A grist, swarm, nest, or hive of bees A sounder or singular of boars An obstinacy, herd, troop, or gang o

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Text - lieutenant-sapphic Follow shakespeare is not pretentious. fans of shakespeare are pretentious. shakespeare is twelve hundred dirty jokes strung together by increasingly ridiculous plotlines and increasingly homosexual characters. don't let the archaic language fool you #textpostin' #shakespeare 61,129 notes A

28.

Text - FlatFootFox @FlatFootFox We don't deserve librarians. Pflugerville Library 8 hrs · O ATTENTION - there will be no snakes at this Friday's Anti Prom at the library. There was a typo in a local paper that said we will have snakes. We will have snacks. Snacks is what we will have. Not to say we have anything against snakes. In fact, snakes will be at the library in May during the Teen De-Stressing Day: Reptile Hangout, https://bit.ly/ 2D2BEjm. So, just to summarize: April 12. No snakes. 2, X

29.

Text - Kieran @KieranMSimpson common English mistakes: -mixing up there, their and they're -using the wrong too, to or two -using apostrophes for plurals -enslaving innocent people -putting commas in the wrong place

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Line art - NEW THINGS DEET! SNAFFF 27/8/14 B

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Text - THE CHRISTMAS WITCH @melaniefoxfire I'm not dyslexic you're dyslexic CLOTH GOWNS ONLY

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Text - Workin 9 to 9 For a man whose eye is creepy That's why I decide To assault him when he's sleepy But his heart still beats In the floorboards where I set it It's enough to drive me Crazy if I let it! Carolyn KelloggO @paperhaus - 1/19/20 Happy birthday to Edgar Allan Poe and Dolly Parton!

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Text - remsJ@ frostsmitten @enbyjirou calling your friend "brother from another mother" or "sister from another mister" - kinda boring - overdone - no gender neutral alternative calling your friend "a clown from the same circus" - grabs ur attention - what circus? tell me more - gender neutral - bond like no other

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Pelican - maverick-ornithography: pelcan Mouth perfec t size for put baby in to n\ap! inside very Soft and Comfort baby sleep soundly put baby in Pelican Mouth. Put Baby In Pelican Mouth. no problems ever in peliccan mouth because good Shape and Support for baby neck weak of big baby head. Apelican Mouth yes a place for a baby put baby in pelican mouth can trust pelican for giveing good love to baby. friend pelican this was written by a pelican

35.

Text - Gemma Milne @gemmamilne Just learnt that 'spinster' was originally the word for a woman so good at weaving that she was financially independent. HOW INTERESTING.

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Text - "MILLENNIAL SPEAK' IS NOTHING NEW, AS THESE ANCIENT LATIN PHRASES SHOW: 10 HORT AT Conscientia - Woke VST SIL Vere Bonum - On Fleek Increduli - Shook Itaaaaaaa - Yaaaaaaas Quis es? - Who dis? Adfectus - Feels Incendium - Lit Incendium In Excelsis - Lit AF Non Possum... - I can't even... Theatrum et Coitus Netflix and Chill The Mitish Bruseum

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Text - kisskissfallanddie 2 keep-calm-and-watch-... Follow iamscienceside: Science fact: The world around you is made up of protons, neutrons, morons, and electrons. 66,142 notes

38.

Text - kellhorreur: sadjadewithcake: French: ...Sixty-seven, sixty-eight, sixty-nine, sixty-ten... Other languages: **stares** French: **stares back** French: ...sixty-eleven, sixty-twelve, sixty-thirteen... French: ...sixty-sixteen, sixty-ten-seven... Other languages: *shutting eyes* French: ...sixty-ten-eight, sixty-ten-nine... Other languages: *hands over face* French: ...four twenties! :) Four twenties one...

39.

Cartoon - Norse German English Latin French Greek What the hell is this?

40.

Text - Hanne Blank @hanneblank WHY One of my students has used the word "fucktangular" in an informal essay to describe a situation that was complicated and messy in multiple unpleasant and difficult ways. Ilam in the presence of greatness and I am stealing this word.

41.

Text - Dewald @katvis5034 I slipper my finger inside her hole... I could immediately feel she was wet... Ipulled my finger out and within seconds she was going down on me... "I really need a new fucking boat!" | thought to myself 11:38 PM · 12/9/19 · Twitter for Android

42.

Text - I'm pronouncing females the same way as tamales from now on. Try to stop me

43.

Text - shoresoftheshadowla... starborn... Source: fuckyeahraget... mers witiI DEtter pIOPer ties Imeali sofme older materi nples are plastic buckets and carbon fibre tennis rack ene is a monomer used to make polyethene. erent monomers produce different polymers. macafena eh (polyethylenetetraphthalate) a low density and does not sh ymer chains can be altered by replacing hydrogen ato eh new polymer has its own set of properties and uses. lternative davemakesmybrokorogodirkydirky: WHY AM I LAUGHI

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Text - 16th Century: Thou art the reason 20th Century: You are the reason 21st Century: im crying Why you is the because

45.

Text - skinks the penalty box in hockey is such a funny concept to me. big fighty men go in the naughty cube. imprisoned for sports crimes runcibility Go to the terrarium and think about your punching, you knife-footed ice-gremlin

46.

Text - also michelangelo painted a baby angel flipping off the pope the blond one, you see his right hand? that's called the fig and it's an old world european gesture for 'fuck you" because apparently Pope Juluis II was a total raging asshole and everyone hated him but nobody ever noticed this little fucker because the ceiling was so high and then thirty years later they called michelangelo back to paint the wall behind the altar and he wasted no time in painting the gates of hell behind the po

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Text - Zoey Jordan Salsbury @zoeyjsalsbury I NEED SOMEONE TO GEEK OUT WITH ME ABOUT THESE BUSINESS CARDS me Website maggie@singingbearshop.com instagram email

48.

Text - ONE SHEEP TWO SHEEP BAAH ONE BAAH AMANDAPANDACOMICS.COM fIO @amandapandacomics @amanda_comics

49.

Text - officialunitedstates wife is pregnant, due any day suddenly the contractions start "CAN'T, WON'T, I'M, HAVEN'T, DON'T, ISN'T" she says mememic-bry "doc, it appears the contractions are worsening," the nurse says. in between breaths, the wife gasps and screeches, "Y'ALL'D'VE" Source: officialunitedstates 69,659 notes L

50.

Photo caption - In the 90s Arsenal Soccer Club had a player called David Dicks. When he was injured, the Newspaper wrote"Arsenal to play without Dicks". The coach was upset so the Newspaper changed the headline to read "Arsenal to play with Dicks out"... A record number of women attended the match. imgflip.com

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Eighteen Groan-Worthy Pun Memes

These pun-laden memes are for people who like terrible jokes. So whether you’re a dad or a dad at heart, we think you’ll definitely find these worth an eye-roll and a hearty chuckle. And lastly, we want to thank PunHub for many of these, so go check ’em out here!

1.

Grocery store - You wanna box for those, Sir? Soy Jerky Nah, I hate violence. Is it cool if I just pay with my card?

2.

Product - 2/5 Do you have any books on turtles? Hard back? Yeah, with little heads. Pun hub

3.

Product - Me: *making out with girlfriend on the couch* Her: You wanna take this to the bedroom? Me: Aight l'll grab this end, you get the other

4.

Facial expression - I'm sorry sir, your dad was pronounced dead. @PunHubOnline I can't believe i've been pronouncing it wrong all this time. Pun hub

5.

Facial expression - Will you be long? I'm coming over Yes.

6.

Product - What seems to be the problem, Mary? It hurts when I do this Then don't do that

7.

Hair dryer - You know the drill, right? Yes Milwaukee 12 Hi, it's nice to see you again

8.

Product - Is this good for wasps? No, it kills them. WASP NEST

9.

Meal - Please could you go to the shop and get a carton of milk, if they have avacados get six They had avacodos

10.

Product - How do you think we keep the cars here so shiny? Polish? Sorry sir, Jak myślisz, jak trzymamysamochody tutaj tak błyszczące? buts

11.

Facial expression - My wife is going into labour what should i do? Is this her first child? OPuniHubOnline No, this is her husband Pun hub

12.

Clothing - When someone asks how much money I have in the bank:

13.

Job - Can you perform under pressure? No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody OPuntubonline Pun hub

14.

Face - What is your favourite month? July PonHubontine Why july? I didn't lie Pur

15.

Facial expression - @PunHubOnline Have you met my daughter Beth? And what's Beth short for? Because she's only three. Pun AMERICASBESTPICS.COM

16.

Police officer - Cop: seen anything unusual? Me: a dolphin with a hat once Cop: I mean around here Me: nah they live in water

17.

Face - Oh No! our neighbour died! Who, Ray? I don't think cheering is appropriate, Karen

18.

People - Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? @Puntubonline No sun

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Witty and Stupid Jokes that are Technically Right

While we don’t always have the intended answers, we can at least be smart asses about things. Technically correct jokes have the benefit of making the teller feel smart while there’s not really any new information needed. These silly puns and clever jokes are technically accurate, so you can’t say they’re completely wrong.

While we don’t always have the intended answers, we can at least be smart asses about things. Technically correct jokes have the benefit of making the teller feel smart while there’s not really any new information needed. These silly puns and clever jokes are technically accurate, so you can’t say they’re completely wrong.

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“Pixie and Brutus” Artist Draws Punny Star Wars Comic Featuring Birds

Star Wars Day continues with this awesome and very punny comic by the talented @PetFoolery

You might know @PetFoolery due to the popular “Pixie and Brutus” comics, but there’s more animal comics featured on this artist’s instagram page than just “Pixie and Brutus.” 

In the spirit of May the 4th, we share @Pet_Foolery’s latest comic! Enjoy! 

Star Wars Day continues with this awesome and very punny comic by the talented @PetFoolery

You might know @PetFoolery due to the popular “Pixie and Brutus” comics, but there’s more animal comics featured on this artist’s instagram page than just “Pixie and Brutus.” 

In the spirit of May the 4th, we share @Pet_Foolery’s latest comic! Enjoy! 

1.

Bird - Kylo Wren Finch TRAITOR!!! O @pet_foolery

2.

Cartoon - Quail-Gon Jinn Darth Mowl asquawk! O @pet_foolery

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Bird - Princess Rhea You stuck-up half-witted scruffy-looking nerf herder! Han Swallow Psh, whateve's sweetheart. O @pet_foolery

4.

Line art - Hmmm... Kestrel-lennium? No that's dumb. Millennium millennium... Oh! Mil-lark-ium fal-...no, that doesn't fit either. Aw well, I got nothin', moving on. O @pet_foolery

5.

Cartoon - Darth Vulture Luke Skyhawker No, I am your father. No... no, that's not true! That's impossible! ... seriously tho. O @pet_foolery

6.

Cartoon - Obi-Swan Kenobi General Grebe-ous Hello there. G-general Kenobi! You are a big one- I mean BOLD one! O @pet_foolery

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Corny Memes & Puns For Lovers Of Dad Jokes

Listen. We’re all about clever humor and sharp wit. But sometimes nothing is quite as satisfying as an incredibly dumb dad joke, or a cringeworthy pun. This gallery is filled with both. May the memes help your inner-dad tingle with joy. 

1.

Text - PLEASE ENJOY MY HILN NON RELIGIOUS, NON POLITICAL, NON CONTROVERSIAL POSTS

2.

Text - We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the... Minneapolis.

3.

Text - IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN PUNS TO KLEPTOMANIACS BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS TAKE THINGS LITERALLY.

4.

Text - Joe Gilmour Visual Storyteller · Saturday at 9:34 AM · O Tonce tried to row across the Atlantic single-handed... But I just kept going round in circles. 29 12 Comments 15 Shares O Like Comment Share

5.

Cartoon - He's cured. CARTOONSTOCK .com Search ID: dre0605 Reynolda

6.

Box - OK. You don't have to laugh. But some of us are easily amused. I'm laughing. Matt Finish Invisible Tape 1,300 in/33 ANrfaURPen B87¢ et

7.

Road - OPEN RANGE

8.

Font - Doing crunches twice a day now. Captain in the morning. Nestle in the afternoon.

9.

Cartoon - MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU'LL TRYA LITTLE SUNSCREEN...

10.

Text - Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the pool? coffee and jelly beans They kept dropping their trunks. COFFEE AND JELLY BEANS

11.

Vehicle - Drove my Chevy, to the levee, and that levee song lied ZO

12.

Skin - Not a magician but i got a couple twix up my sleeve

13.

Brick - SKOKY 200 Delicious MIk Chocolate/Crinp Butter Tolfee CALIRNA SKOR SKOR SKOR Delicious MIk Chocolate/Crisp Buttor Toffee 200 Delicious Mlk Chocolato/Criso Buttor Tottee 200 Delicious Milk Chocolate/Crisp Butter Totfee 200 AND SEVEN YEARS AGO.

14.

Dog - THE NEIGHBOUR TELLS ME YOU ARE CHASING PEOPLE ON A BICYCLE... HE'S LYING... I DON'T EVEN HAVE A BICYCLE!

15.

Snow - NDIAN HILLC COMMUNITY CENTER AND IN THE END MANKIND USED SO MUCH TOILET PAPER, THEY WIPED THEMSELVES OUT

16.

Toy - DON T FORGET TO WASH YOUR HANDS

17.

Vertebrate - JUST LIKE ME, THEY LONG TO BE CLOSE TO YOU. RAINY DAYS AND MONDAYS ALWAYS GET ME DOWN WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN- CRAP. WE'VE GOT CARPENTER ANTS. C & S Pet Care

18.

Plastic bottle - Found a Serious Leek under the sink ati ash

19.

Blackboard - Last night I dreamt Chat Id writon the Lord of the Rings. Tolkien in my sleep. was UKY

20.

Text - Ithought my dad spent all his savings on an expensive wig. But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee

21.

Text - Alan Olswing April 17, 2017· O StayThefuckHome i'm so happy about spring that I wet my plants! 24 11 Shares

22.

Sheep - WHAT-DO YOU CALL A HERD OF SHEEP TUMBLING DOWN A HILL? A LAMBSLIDE

23.

Cartoon - WASH YOUR HANDS WELL THIS IS GOINGTO TAKE FOREVER... e MATRON DESIGN

24.

Dog - when you don't want to be recognized so you go indognito made with mematic

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Cartoon - What is the longest word in the English language? "Smiles" because there is a mile between it's first and last letters!

26.

Text - I MAY BE 14.0067 7 167.259 68 162.500 66 Er Dy NITROGEN ERBIUM DYSPROSIUM BUT ONLY PERIODICALLY

27.

Text - I tayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

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Vertebrate - STOP MAKING ME LAUGH YOU'LL MAKE ME PUMA PANTS iede on tngur

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Nature reserve - INDIAN HILLS COMMUNITY CENTER THE PROBLEM WITH POLITICAL JOKES IS THAT THEY SOMETIMES GET ELECTED

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Ostrich - THATS EMUSING

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Horse - CAN I TROUBLE YOU FOR A GLASS OF WATER? I'MA LITTLE HOARSE ouickmeme o

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Text - mand (206 Go4-4296) New Sut ader Trina einer O 75 Atvancement Chamentev einer 220-73n Den Leader Sta Smith ( 7-) New Scit Atider Sherl homan 80- pet Unit ponsored by TETON STABE LINES PIST ne for Donan Harrington (20-ao os dy 11 ater COME TO OUR OPEN HOUSE 5 North 550 West, Blackfoot Thursday, July 11th, from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm EALE ster ree go SNOC SHAW BAKE CHAF SHERRO THE BLU WALT 4AM THESE PUNS ARE TEARABLE ONING GIN www.TearabiePuns.org # 1 email: O RICE CURRY & Deckad erecserch Once

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Head - davidstrider which american president was least guilty davidstrider lincoln WE TRUST GOD LIBERTY 2010 he was in a cent

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Wind - BAD PUNS? IM A BIG FAN

35.

Games - WHO YOU GONNA CALL? casteOAT9201 TER St $ 9.99 ATS BU

36.

Text - Allison @AllieLia A woman is sitting at her deceased husband's funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?". "No, go right ahead", the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says "Plethora", and sits back down. "Thanks", the woman says, "that means a lot"

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14 People Share Their Best Jokes That Flew Completely Over People’s Heads

For those of us who aren’t professional comics, attaining perfect comedic timing and delivery is a moment to be relished and appreciated. Unfortunately for the Redditors taking part in this thread, their brilliance went woefully unnoticed. We’re here to bring them the glory that they so deserve. 

1.

Text - thaidystopia 1T 37.4K 16h I was in America (I'm British) and met this dude whose name was Miles. He introduced himself to me infront of a group of people saying "Hey my name is Miles" but he pronounced it "Mi-uhls" like it was two separate syllables. I commented how I'd never heard anyone say it like that, and someone said, oh yeah? How do you say it in the UK? and without skipping a beat I said Kilometres. one dude lost his shit, 5 others kind of missed it and carried on talking Oh well!

2.

Text - Mangledhippo97 135.4K 2 .15h I was at a friend's house while she was having a friendly argument with her mum about being old enough to do what she likes. At one point the mother says "hey I brought you into this world and I can send you back up from where you came" at that point I shouted out in a parental tone "yeah, go to your womb!" No reaction at all.. just carried on with their conversation.

3.

Text - MulliganMG 21.6K 14h 2 My office had just redone the gym. They did a great job too, new machines, free weights, carpeting, locker rooms, etc. etc. It was unrecognizable. I'm down there, gettin swole (lol) when the CFO walks in and says, "wow, this is fancy." So I replied "yeah, in fact we're not calling it the gym anymore, now it's called the James." and he just turns around and walks out without even so much as a smirk. I was furious. The timing and cleverness of it was on point and this

4.

Text - 12h casualreader22 121.0K Senior year religion class at a Catholic High School. Our Deacon teacher asks us "Whats the two words you're not supposed to say to a Jehova's Witness?" The class was a wasteland of boredom. I, figuring what the hell, raised my hand and responded "Come In." Dead. Silence. Might as well as have had a tumbleweed rolling by. For the record the answer was "Happy Birthday."

5.

Text - ajcpullcom 20.0K 14h My wife and I were in a birthing class with about eight other pregnant couples. The teacher asked us to go around the room and say what we were most afraid of. Every other couple said the same thing: they just wanted their baby to be healthy. When it was my turn, I said, "We're terrified our baby won't be cute." Nobody laughed and everyone thought I was serious. I heard someone in the back whisper something like "he won't be good father." My wife and I laughed hysteri

6.

Text - 444thatsfour4s 116.3K *14h We were in 1st year of college studying our aircraft maintenance engineering apprenticeship and a guy asked, "is it true that when you flush the toilet on a plane it all gets sucked out of the back?". The lecturer said "no, think about it. At 35,000 ft a lump of number 2 would freeze instantly at -56C and solidify and get sucked into the engine and do a lot of damage". Then I said, "then the shit would hit the fan"

7.

Text - .16h ICameForMotorcity 114.4K I was in highschool, before first period, so the teacher wasn't even there yet. It was me, and three other girls I don't even remember the names of. One of them was going on and bragging about her boyfriend. Apparently, this dude cheated on her four times, and she's STILL with him As her two friends try to tell her to just drop him, the girl digs through her phone for pics of him. As she's scrolling, she kinda flirtily goes, "Oops, gotta find one that's PG ;)

8.

Text - 14h seraferous 1T 12.3K My husband and I were at Jeanettes Pier on the Outer Banks and there were stuffed eels in the gift shop. My husband said "What kind of eel do you think that is?"I responded with a question. "Do you love it?" I asked. He said yes, to which replied, " then.....t's a moray." That was 4 years ago, he still won't speak to me.

9.

Text - lucyanide 1 12.1K 17h One time I was in the car with my mum and I went to open the boo.. She warned me to be careful, that there was a butternut squash in there as she had just been shopping. On the spot, I replied "you'd butternut squash it" I wish I'd had more of an audience as no one else I've cracked the joke to has given me much credit but I'm glad her and I could laugh over it haha.

10.

Text - Meffrey_Dewlocks 110.9K 13h People were talking about Stephen Hawking passing away and someone mentioned he was British. Two teenage girls said they didn't realize he was from England I said "yea it's hard to tell since he lost his accent." No one laughed

11.

Text - ConsistentlyPeter 110.6K 9h Spent my lunch break doing a crossword, occasionally asking some clues out loud for people to help with - just to get them warmed up. Then, the ground having been prepared, I entered the final phase: "3 across- Overworked Postman." Someone took the bait: "How many letters?" And with a perfect deadpan delivery, I pounced on my prey: "Thousands." Nothing. NOTHING!!!

12.

Text - louislouislouis419.9K 13h Was chilling at a party when three of my friends who went to greek school together started speaking Greek to each other. My other friend showed up and asked me what they were saying. I shrugged and responded "Idk man, Its all greek to me". Joke went over his head and I still think about it daily

13.

Text - Blaspheming_Robot 19.4K 14h I have this giant Buddha statue which looks like it's made of solid stone. A friend was helping me pack for a move. She went to pick it up and almost threw it in the air commenting "I thought he would be much heavier." Without missing a second I said, "Oh, no. He's enLIGHTened." Nothing.

14.

Text - baronelectric 19.1K 13h I used to buy a couple hundred Cadbury eggs the day after Easter and eat one a day for the rest of the year. I was talking to a friend during the fall about eating one, and she says "But it's not Easter. . . "That's ok, " I reply. "I'm egg-nostic" The best pun I will ever make in my life, and I had an audience of one :-(

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A Battering of Absurdly Dumb Puns

While we accept that puns are some of the lowest form of humor, we sometimes need a smattering of puns to fill the pun void. Obscenely stupid wordplay is somewhat painful, but it’s also kind of satisfying, like spicy food. For more, here’s another bundle of beautiful stupid puns.

While we accept that puns are some of the lowest form of humor, we sometimes need a smattering of puns to fill the pun void. Obscenely stupid wordplay is somewhat painful, but it’s also kind of satisfying, like spicy food. For more, here’s another bundle of beautiful stupid puns.

1.

Text - Hijackers when they see someone named Jack

2.

Ceiling fan - Is this fan real? Or is it FANFICTION

3.

Organism - mrs-nabaja: busket: time-lord-swag A strawBEARy a friend yay

4.

Blackboard - IF You BOIL A FUNNY BONE IT BECOMES A LAUGHING STOCK.. THATS HUMERUS

5.

Transport - I don't care who your dad is, this is an illegal gathering 8.3k 59 1 Share Award BEST COMMENTS 3h Okay I swear this is the LAST one! Reply 1 146 LO

6.

Cartoon - Where are we going? You axolotl questions

7.

Shih tzu - If you have seen this dog please lettuce know

8.

Cartoon - ACADEMY CHRISTIAN CHURCH Encounters with God that Last Forever. ACADEMYCHRISTIAN.ORG PROPHECY CLASS CANCELLED DUE TO UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES adult swim] Oof! Didn't see that coming.

9.

People - BOUNTY HUNTERS

10.

Facial expression - Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week, andI have to say, I'm disappointed.

11.

Text - Beans After Dark @goodbeanalt british people be like im bri ish javeigh young-white (mango propaga... @javeighyw is it cause they drank the t

12.

Cartoon - you've heard of quentin tarantino now get ready for tintin quarantineo

13.

Text - axтxz fun fact: the word quarantine comes from quarantena, meaning "forty days", used in 14th-15th-century Venetian language (the period that all ships were required to be isolated before passengers and crew could go ashore during the Black Death plague) so 2020, or 20 + 20 = quarantine scottthegrymmaster64 dammit, we should've seen this coming codefiant well you know what they say about hindsight too-cool-for-facebook get out Source: lovesickens

14.

Nature - Can I call PunHubOnline you back... I'm just watching a live stream

15.

Text - Comments 213K 65 VIEW 2 REPLIES A BALL A FIELD Michael Ngwa • 3 years ago she shouldn't date him, he looks kinda AND ARRASS sketchy. 136K VIEW 502 REPLIES

16.

Text - Why does the Norway navy have bar codes on the side of their ships? ? So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian

17.

Text - zagreus if you c*nsor anything in a post you are l*gally required to put all of the omitted v*wels at the end as a footn*te *eeoo doctress Okay th*n. *f you'r* sure about th*s. Old Macd*nald had a farm. *eieio zagreus i'm going to shatter you like glass

18.

Text - I feel like there is some sort of untoad story behind this

19.

People - @PunHubOnline Have you met my daughter Beth? And what's Beth short for? Because she's only three. Pun hub

20.

Wood - Quarantine, day 8: even my ostrich is board.

21.

Font - Mississippi MR. SIPPY AND HIS WIFE

22.

Wood - Xylophone Yylophone

23.

Photo caption - The 2 white actors in Black Panther also played Gollum & Bilbo Baggins. Meaning, they are the two Tolkien white guys of the movie.

24.

Text - Sara Gibbs @Sara_Rose_G·23h Which word do you think would make a pretty baby name if it didn't mean what it meant? I'm going with Omelette. 18.7K 17 10.9K 133K Rona @FickleSarky · 22h I've always liked Catastrophe and Apostrophe 42 27 142 ♡ 7,734 TW @TonyW_132 Replying to @FickleSarky and @Sara_Rose_G Apostrophe was my grammar's name! 6:40 PM · 14 Apr 20 · Twitter for iPhone 506 Retweets 28.6K Likes

25.

Text - Dennis Farrell @DennisFarrell Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) tweeting a coded message

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Clever and Literal Jokes That are Technically Right

When you don’t know the actual answer to a question, it can be a saving grace to be a smart ass about it. Or it could backfire and make people think you’re a moron. Either way, here are clever and dumb jokes that are technically correct. They might not be even close to factually accurate, but hey, at least they’re technically accurate.

When you don’t know the actual answer to a question, it can be a saving grace to be a smart ass about it. Or it could backfire and make people think you’re a moron. Either way, here are clever and dumb jokes that are technically correct. They might not be even close to factually accurate, but hey, at least they’re technically accurate.

1.

Text - FLACU Fact @Fact A woman trying to commit suicide from the Eiffel Tower, landed on a car and later married the owner of the car. Bàbá ìbàdàn I @smish001 So... She fell in love?

2.

Text - Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers is that true? Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

3.

Text - The Madison @madisoncentreLA What's your idea of a perfect date?!? Shafeeq @Y2SHAF DD/MM/YYYY other formats can be confusing

4.

Statue - Disinfecting Pericles who died from the plague in 429 B.C. thestonecuttersguild It's a little late now.

5.

be me >22 yo >overweight beta loser >decide to fuck it all and get my life in control >get new clothes >go to the gym >work out harder than ever in my life >sweat dripping off me >can't feel my legs >a couple of chads walk by >hear one of them say to the other >"What a fat loser" 42,2 kB JPG >… >He's technically right >l am losing a lot of fat 3 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY Anonymous 45243502 Nice keep going man” title=”” width=”600″ height=”574″/>

6.

Text - r/Showerthoughts Posted by u/Danvik03 · 4h Uranium has about 18 billion Calories per gram so eating a grams of uranium is technically enough food to last you for the rest of your life. 1 2,5k 114 Share BEST COMMENTS SquirrelSqueak • 4h That statement is technically correct in more than one way. Reply 1 842

7.

Text - leopharry I have decided on a new constellation. I call it The Bees. If you look up at the night sky and see all those sparkly dots, congratulations. You see The Bees. I have just made astrology 10000x easier, you're welcome. quiescens those born under the sign of the bees: have emotions think thoughts is likely introverted or extroverted has at least a few friends was born at some point

8.

Lingzhi mushroom - Beer Frozen, Burnt my food and Girl friend pregnant What Im pregnant t o CHILL YOU BURE? Im sure babe m so happy Night Cummer @Leribb_ You Just can't pull anything out in time. Can you?

9.

Text - You good? Yeah. Why? What's up? I thought I heard something loud drop That was my shirt Your shirt fell and made that noise? I was inside of it It's hard to argue with his assessment.

10.

Human - Me: “Thank you" My French friend: "I call that... mercy"

11.

Facial expression - SIX without S is 9

12.

Grass - Ride on lawn mower, as new $700

13.

Mode of transport - r/Showerthoughts Posted by u/Stormfly The sentence "Don't objectify women" has "women" as the object of the sentence. It's hard to argue with his assessment.

14.

Text - TEST rtt PREP 2. Which is the best estimate for the length of a football? QI foot b all O 4 feet O 5 feet O 8 feet

15.

Text - r/AskReddit A u/EyeOfOwl • 8h What is an immediate red flag to tell if someone is fake? Discussion 792 702 1 Share BEST COMMENTS DongVonJovi • 7h 1 Award They're wearing brand new clothes in the middle of a department store, are standing on a platform, and don't have the goddamn courtesy to tell you where the bathroom is. They don't even move. Reply 3.1k

16.

Text - r/AskReddit u/Dancer9d9 9h 1 O1 1 What under $10 item is a total game changer? 15.0k 6.1k 1 Share BEST COMMENTS - Austobausto • Now Video game updates Edit

17.

Electrical wiring - For those of you who cant work out social distancing.... this is two meters apart!!

18.

Technology - * Echo Angelpaw * @EchoAngelpaw I've got myself a hot date :3 26

19.

Cartoon - Nightmares are just free horror movies that you produce, direct, and star in.

20.

Text - 167 100 years from now I will be years old. I hope some day that I will foo TBáLand own 100 Dallar Bills 100 Ponies I never wish to own 100 or 100 Vnorornes. 100 years from now I hope to be Dead

21.

Face - THEOAKLANDPRESS.COM Man tells police he stole food truck because he's a 'dumbass'

22.

Column - l TESCO ? 17:06 ThioJoe 19 hours ago IT Support 2K Home Explore Subscriptions Inbox Library

23.

Cartoon - Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake No, no. He's got a point

24.

Facial expression - "Unlockable" has a double meaning. Both that it cannot be locked and that it can be unlocked

25.

Text - r/AskReddit Posted by u/UnRealDreamsofLife • 6h 1 What's the dumbest reply to a serious question you've heard? 6,3k 1,5k Share Y BEST COMMENTS ▼ IAhawkeyes132• 2h in physics there's something called the "right hand rule" which helps you find the direction of force given the direction of the magnetic and electric fields. it's a little hard to explain how exactly, but you literally use your right hand as a model. my professor asked me in front of the class what the first thing you needed to

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Eighteen Corny Dad Memes And Jokes

What would we do without dads and their terrible jokes? We may groan and roll our eyes at them, but deep down we all know that we appreciate a good old fashioned pun-laden joke from time to time. So here’s to all the dads who we love and appreciate! Click here for even more dad memes!

What would we do without dads and their terrible jokes? We may groan and roll our eyes at them, but deep down we all know that we appreciate a good old fashioned pun-laden joke from time to time. So here’s to all the dads who we love and appreciate! 

Click here for even more dad memes!

1.

Boxing - I would help but.. ap

2.

Text - 8:03 59° LTE+ 99% WHERE DO ASTRONAUTS HANG OUT? QD

3.

Text - Dad: *Has heartattack* Dad: Call me an ambulance. Son: Uh...you're an ambulance... Dad:

4.

Branch - LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE THREW CAUTION TO THE WIND

5.

Text - m@thew @TweetPotato314 me: what makes you angry pirate: when someone steals my p 1:41 PM 21 Oct 19 Twitter for iPhone 394 Retweets 2,354 Likes

6.

Dog - Cop pulls me over says you sober man? I said no I'm a Doberman

7.

Facial expression - I hated the belt I made of watches why? it was a waist of time

8.

Drink - I poured root beer into a squared glass Now I just have beer.

9.

” title=”” width=”800″ height=”567″/>

10.

Sky - DRAW BRIDGE AHEAD

11.

Plant - You wanna' box for those, sir? U don't want these hands, bro

12.

Job - Can you perform under pressure? No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody @PunHubOnline Pun hub

13.

Text - Manager: "Why would you make a good waiter at my restaurant?" Me: "I bring a lot to the table."

14.

Chessboard - When you finish eating at an Australian Restaurant

15.

Fictional character - My master, do you know how Mace died? He went out the Windu

16.

Wood - A man tried to sell me a casket today I told him that's the last thing I need imglp.com

17.

Facial expression - How do you make a water bed more bouncy? How? Add spring water

18.

Adaptation - Dads waiting for the days when they can be 4 hours early to flights again... @classicdadmoves

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HEY PLEASE FOLLOW @lamebook ON INSTAGRAM!

HEY PLEASE FOLLOW @lamebook ON INSTAGRAM!

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Daughter Perfectly Executes Dad Joke, Making Her Dad Proud

Like father like daughter, right?

Like father like daughter, right?

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‘Kid Named X’ Memes Prove That Meme Stupidity Knows No Bounds

We’ve all seen these incredibly dumb memes (known as “Kid Named X”) floating around the internet lately that elicit a colossal amount of eye-rolling. But at the same time, we sure do love them for their cleverness. If you like ’em too, fear not, because there are loads more examples on both Know Your Meme and /r/DankMemes!

We’ve all seen these incredibly dumb memes (known as “Kid Named X”) floating around the internet lately that elicit a colossal amount of eye-rolling. But at the same time, we sure do love them for their cleverness. 

If you like ’em too, fear not, because there are loads more examples on both Know Your Meme and /r/DankMemes!

1.

Organism - Teacher: Everyone pay attention! The kid whose name is Attention: The kid whose name is Everyone: The kid whose name is Pay: [visible confusion]

2.

Text - *Fire alarm goes off Teacher: Stay calm! Kid named calm: guess l'll die

3.

Cartoon - director: exists kid named rector: fare.well.

4.

Organism - The teacher saying to eat quietly The kid named quietly

5.

Eyewear - Teacher: That's one big cockroach! Student named roach:

6.

Text - Teacher before the exam: "I want everyone to succeed" Kid named 'Ceed':

7.

Facial expression - Girls be like: "boys are so gross all they want is to have sex with us". The kid named "boys are so gross all they want is to" It's like... I was made for this.

8.

Adaptation - Teacher: "class dismissed" Kid named class: Kid named missed:

9.

Cartoon - teacher: Come get this assignment. kid named Ignment:

10.

Cartoon - Chapter Level 52 lul Lie Mju /ruma I need to be fucked by something other than my life. AUTO the guy namęd "My Life" JEP

11.

Text - *Fire alarm goes off* Teacher: Emergency! Kid named Ency: Cet whomst has awakened the ancient one there's no kid named ency Imao

12.

Organism - when teacher calls on kid called Killian Kid named killiar: Rest of class: Kid named lan:

13.

Fictional character - Coach: Stay hydrated Kid named ted: HAIL HYDRA.

14.

Cartoon - Teacher: Don't fight Anyone, you will get Detention later. Kid named Don't: Kid named Anyone: 362 HEO Kid named Detention:

15.

Text - Bully: SHUT UP nobody likes you! Kid named nobody:

16.

Sportswear - JPERMAN The kid named Erman: u/md_kaif WAZZAAAAAP?

17.

Face - Government: "Everyone has to enter Quarantine for 14 days" Guy named Quarantine: @gingerpackage

18.

Cartoon - Teacher: Will everyone please shut up Kid named Kid named Everyone: shut up:

19.

Cartoon - Kung fu fighting starts playing Kid named everybody :

20.

Text - Therapist: Stop taking things literally kid named Literally: 'll take

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People’s Favorite Jokes That No One Likes

Everyone has a slightly different sense of humor. Sometimes we get hung up on a certain jokes for seemingly no reason, even if they’re puns that we can’t tell if we love or hate. Some of us are just into Dad jokes because they’re stupid an no amount of people hating them will ever make us stop. Here are jokes that people love, despite them never ever getting a laugh.

Everyone has a slightly different sense of humor. Sometimes we get hung up on a certain jokes for seemingly no reason, even if they’re puns that we can’t tell if we love or hate. Some of us are just into Dad jokes because they’re stupid an no amount of people hating them will ever make us stop. Here are jokes that people love, despite them never ever getting a laugh.

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Witty and Stupid Jokes that are Technically Correct

Whether they’re overly literal or just a really astute observation, these clever and dumb jokes are technically correct. You could say that they make no actual sense, are the wrong way to do things, and most of them are basically stupid, but these jokes are still technically accurate.

Whether they’re overly literal or just a really astute observation, these clever and dumb jokes are technically correct. You could say that they make no actual sense, are the wrong way to do things, and most of them are basically stupid, but these jokes are still technically accurate.

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A Smattering of Puns to Fill the Pun Void

Honestly we’re not sure if we even love or hate puns. These clever jokes and witty jokes just kind of exist. Some puns satiate our wordplay cravings while others just make us mad. Some make us feel smart for liking them, others make us feel stupid. They’re just never going away.

Honestly we’re not sure if we even love or hate puns. These clever jokes and witty jokes just kind of exist. Some puns satiate our wordplay cravings while others just make us mad. Some make us feel smart for liking them, others make us feel stupid. They’re just never going away.

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Clever and Literal Jokes that are Technically Correct

There’s a time and place for overly literal puns, stupid moments and clever jokes. That time and place is here and now. Technically accurate jokes might make you feel smart, but who knows. They’re right, but kinda not. They’re just technically correct.

There’s a time and place for overly literal puns, stupid moments and clever jokes. That time and place is here and now. Technically accurate jokes might make you feel smart, but who knows. They’re right, but kinda not. They’re just technically correct.

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Quality Puns We’re Not Sure If We Even Like

We respect beautiful stupid puns but they can kind of get to be too much. That said, we can’t stay away from them for too long until we need our fix. Then we go back to hating them again. They make us feel smart and stupid at the same time. It’s hard to tell if we love or hate puns.

We respect beautiful stupid puns but they can kind of get to be too much. That said, we can’t stay away from them for too long until we need our fix. Then we go back to hating them again. They make us feel smart and stupid at the same time. It’s hard to tell if we love or hate puns.

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