Well Gosh Darn It

Funny meme that about a dad purposefully breaking his kid's toy so that it doesn't make annoying noises anymore Sarcastically Surprised Kirk | Kid: [sobbing] Something happened to my toy, Daddy! It's not making sounds any more! You:

Who could’ve done that?

Submitted by: (via Dragongurl392)

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Video Sketch Imagines How Karens Interact With Each Other In The Wild

“My husband pulls in annually $170,000 working for the LA police department.”

Submitted by: (via Cherdleys)

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Thanks, Mom And Dad

Funny meme that reads, "Everyone: why are you so negative; me: ..." above an image of a frog saying, "I exist without my consent"

So rude.

Submitted by: (via obtuserubbermoose)

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What Is This ‘Happy’ You Speak Of?

Funny tweet about a kid who tells his teacher that he wants to be happy when he grows up; teacher says to parents, "We need to talk about your son's unrealistic expectations"

Happiness isn’t real.

Submitted by: (via SayGoodbyeToTHESE)

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C’mon MOM

Funny meme that reads, "When you go to the store with your mom and she sees someone she knows and starts talking to them" above a photo of a guy sleeping in a department store

I’m bored out of my mind here!

Submitted by: (via Dzastrous)

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Video Sketch About Quarantine With A Middle Schooler Is Hilariously Accurate

Middle school-aged kids are the worst, so this whole video really checks out.

Submitted by: (via Trey Kennedy)

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Stop Asking Me

Funny dank Bernie Sanders meme about parents who ask their kids for grandchildren | parents : sex is bad also parents 23 years later : i am once again asking you for Grandchild.

Why are parents like this…

Submitted by: (via ResoluteArms)

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Kid Pranks His Mom By Giving ‘Toy Story 3’ A Morbid Ending

“What does it feel like to have trolls for kids?”

Submitted by: (via Justin Wallin)

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Fifteen Pregnancy Memes For All The Moms-To-Be

Pregnant women deserve way more recognition for the sh*t they have to go through. Seriously, y’all are superheroes or something. Scroll down and browse through the following memes about how horrible pregnancy is, and then click here after the baby is born for some memes about the “joys” of parenting!

1.

Facial expression - Other moms: OMG processed food is so bad for your baby I would NEVER Me on my second bag of Cheetos: imgflip.com

2.

Text - The Salty Mamas @saltymamas Pregnancy has apparently turned me into a person that eats cinnamon raisin bagels. I don't even know who I am anymore and I don't like it. 7:43 AM 15 May 20 Twitter for Android

3.

Cartoon - ISTHIS.A CONTRACTION? BRAXTON HICKS

4.

Spider-man - NY PO NOT EATING BECAUSE OF MORNING SICKNESS MORNING SICKNESS BECAUSE I DIDNT EAT

5.

Cartoon - LETS GET PREGNANT IN 2020! LET'S GET PREGNANT IN 2020! GLOBAL PANDEMIC imgflip.com

6.

Green - ITS JUST PREGNANCY HORMONES, NO NEED TO BE UPSET NO, SOB UNCONTROLLABLY FOR THE NEXT TWENTY MINUTES maflin com

7.

Cartoon - NOT SURE IF BABY IS KICKING OR IF I HAVE JUST HAVE GAS

8.

Text - Messages Babe Edit Hey babe Hey I have a present for you Cool. What is it? :D You'll see in 9 months ;) Cool so did you like order it overseas? :D in terms of brain cells we have no brair

9.

Photo caption - "WOW! YOU WERE ABLE TO GIVE TWO URINE SAMPLES THIS MORNING!" THAT'S MY SECRET I ALWAYS HAVE TO PEE imgflip.com

10.

Text - WHEN YOU AND YOUR FRIEND ARE PREGNANTAT THESAME TIME IMPERIALBEDROOMS Did we just become best friends? imgflip.com

11.

Cartoon - Bringing a child into the world during global pandemic, massive.unemployment, and civil unrest THIS IS FINE. mgfilip.com

12.

Cartoon - A stroller A Vista Cruz Bugaboo Turbocharge 4WD High Capacity Smooth Ride 3-in-1 Convertible Baby Transport imgflip.com

13.

Pregnancy test - Now they've invented a pregnancy test with a curved handle, so you don't get pee on your hand? FIRST pregna ID net pregnant D Listen, if you aren't ready to get pee on your hand, you definitely aren't ready for motherhood.

14.

Cartoon - IVE FINALLY FOUND IT... AFTER 15 YEARS THE SCROLL OF TRUTH! Robatatertotcomics NYEHHH Pregnancy is not an excuse to eat all the ice cream you want

15.

Face - No one: My hormones: | said we mad today

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Assorted Tweets For The Scroll-Hungry Masses

Want to enjoy the brief relatable magic of a well-worded tweetwithout having to enter the hideous war zone that is Twitter? We’ve got you covered. These tweets are a great mishmash of exhausted parenting anecdotes, self-deprecating tidbits, and mildly funny musings. And they’re guaranteed to help occupy your mind for a solid five minutes. Enjoy!

1.

Astronaut - nat @natbalda two happy people getting the fuck out of this world. 61 12:14 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone 0:

2.

Skin - colleen @Coll3enG one year since the worst spray tan of my life <3

3.

Text - Participation Trophy Wife Y @TrophyWifeDayna TiphyW I found a gray hair on my head, so l brought out the tweezers to pluck it. Except I didn't squeeze hard enough and the tweezers just ended up sliding the whole way down the hair and curled it like a ribbon. 3:41 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

4.

Food - Dave Cactus @dave_cactus PBJ check. You've CuR And angther And anether Signatu FUEL the FUN MINT JELLY SKIPP CREAMY UTTER 2:26 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

5.

Text - California Dreaming @Desert_Musings |am at my most sexiest when I have to wash my hair twice in one day because I got ranch dressing in my hair from eating wings for dinner. Line forms to the left, gentlemen. 10:37 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

6.

Text - Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets @gfishandnuggets Today I learned that by rebranding chicken parmesan as "spaghetti chicken nuggets with cheese," the likelihood that my kids will eat it increases at least 5,000%. 5:32 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

7.

Text - Jessie @mommajessiec If you put your ear up to an old tool box, you can hear wives of long ago nagging their husbands about when they're going to finally fix the kitchen sink. 4:18 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

8.

Text - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix Child: I can't wait to be a grown-up. Me [tweezing my ear hairs after paying 42 credit card bills]: yeah it's fantastic 1:34 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

9.

Text - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix SpaceX has reusable rockets that can launch, orbit the Earth, re-enter our atmosphere and land perfectly but here I am in this parking lot watching a guy try to back his F-250 into a parking spot for 20 minutes. 12:06 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

10.

Text - Laura Marie @Imegordon My son asked to play chess against me because "mommies aren't good at chess," so naturally I just kicked his ass. Checkmate, son. 5:30 PM · 5/29/20 · Twitter for Android

11.

Text - Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface Went onto the dark web the other day and nobody there sells lawn darts, what a load of bullshit 6:30 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

12.

Text - Dad That Writes @dadthatwrites If you've never stacked the deck so Candy Land is over in three turns, are you even a parent? 3:39 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

13.

Text - Dan Regan @Social_Mime I don't remember someone's name ten minutes after meeting them, but I can tell you the name of a dog I met once at a friend's house in second grade. 1:05 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

14.

Text - M @Love_bug1016 · 1d Which wine pairs best with I'm so over this fucking year? Q 397 27628 ♡ 2,242 WTF @Mhmm_ok_sure · 13h TOO A Tequila. ♡ 2

15.

Text - grace spelman @GraceSpelman started a playlist a few months ago of songs I think are truly "perfect" and al Thave right now is the Darth Vader march and "Sweet Emotion" by Aerosmith 12:14 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

16.

Text - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix I'm at that age where the most pain- free method of putting on socks is to just throw them at my feet and hope for the best. 4:11 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

17.

Text - elena is hibjørnating @ElenaBjxrn Today I discovered BOTH of my brothers thought that panty liners/ sanitary towels were stuck directly onto the wearer's flaps, not to their underwear. Apparently they thought the adhesive was to "seal it shut". One of them is married. 1:48 PM · 5/28/20 · Twitter for iPhone

18.

Text - Mitten d'Amour @MittenDAmour Thing I miss most about life pre- lockdown? Not the pubs, not the socialising, not the holidays. Feeling pretty. 12:31 PM · 5/30/20 · Tweetbot for iOS

19.

Text - Stephanie Wyeld @steph_the_twit Tjust sent my kids into the house alone to make hot chocolate and I'm enjoying nature in peace for a few minutes before I need to go inside and clean marshmallows out of my hairdryer or something 12:21 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

20.

Text - No Idea: Daddy Blog @byclintedwards Shopping in 2020 be like: I'm 60% sure I know that person, but I can't completely tell because they are wearing a mask, and l'm too socially awkward to wave because l might be wrong about knowing them, so l'll just look at the ground. 12:56 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

21.

Text - Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman SIRI YOU RUDE AS HELL GET OUTTA HERE L TL Saturday, May 30 NOTES | SIRI SUGGESTION Help me on dating apps 12:45 PM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

22.

Adaptation - cluedont @cluedont | always said If I won the lottery I wouldn't do anything crazy, but that was before I saw this. 0:42 5.5M views · From Buitengebieden 7:56 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

23.

Text - Andy Milonakis O @andymilonakis Congratulations to the Astronauts that left Earth today. Good choice

24.

Text - Jess Carpenter @JessCarpWrites My husband told me he had a nightmare that someone poured concrete on top of his grass that he's worked so hard to grow and if that ain't the daddest dreams of all dad dreams 9:08 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

25.

Text - Magnificently Messy @Musings_of_wine Have kids they said... 1 week's worth of groceries. 1.75 lb @ 1 lb /1.77 PAE C3338308838 F 3.10 N DDLE2 2.58 N PEAS ROH PREMR 003354495841 CORONA PREMR 003354495044 068113132877 F 8.99 T 15.99 T TOTAL 543.02 WAITING FOR TOTAL AMOUNT Cancel iSC Touch 250 1.oz 2 ABC 3 DEF Cancel 4 GHI 5 JKL 6 MNO Clear 7 PRS 8 TUV 9 WXY Enter O*#,. 8:22 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

26.

People - Macho Man Andy Savage @The_Andy_Brown Angel: Alright God, you're up. How's the year 2020 going so far? God: I thought it was gonna be a hit! It turns out it fucking sucks! 9:05 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for Android

27.

Text - Positively R@ndi @ICantEven001 19 just came running in my room panicked! His 6 foot carpet python escaped last night and we can't find him anywhere!!! There is only one logical solution to this...I'm moving! 10:17 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

28.

Cat - cluedont @cluedont Me: How would you summarise 2020 so far? Му cat: 10:43 AM · 5/30/20 · Twitter for iPhone

29.

Text - meghan @shehas_freckles i'm doing what any reasonable 32 year old woman does on a thursday evening.. drinking beers & playing Mario Kart. alone. 5:13 PM · 5/28/20 · Twitter for iPhone

30.

Text - Eddie Random @stereofiasco McDonald's is considered 'fast food' but when I ask them to hold the Canadian bacon from my Egg McMuffin I have to pull forward as it's considered a "special order" even though I'm literally giving them permission to skip a step. 3:21 PM · 3/9/19 · Twitter Web Client

31.

Text - Adam At A Distance @adamof_alltrade I'll be 33 next week and I still can't figure out how I ever sat cross-legged comfortably. 4:49 AM · 5/29/20 · Twitter for iPhone

32.

Text - Eddie Random @stereofiasco I've always thought 'chupacabra' sounded like one of those bullshit meal items Taco Bell invents to sell the same combination of beans, meat, tortillas, and nonsense. 8:45 AM · 5/28/20 · Twitter Web App

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Fifteen Parenting Memes For People Tired Of Their Kids

We know you love your kids, but with this “homeschool” thing, you just need a damn break for five minutes. So here’s to you, the brave parents who didn’t ask for any of this crap to happen. 

If you’re feeling so inclined, eBaum’s World has more parental content here!

1.

Product - Me: let's get dressed! My toddler: I DO IT MYSELF!! *20 mins later* @thestinkerbel

2.

Text - Me trying to recreate the conditions of the last time my baby slept through the night Nap length 2 hr 10 min total 68 degrees Dino pajamas alue Sleep sack zipped 87% Waves goodnight to houseplant 16 minute bath (plays with alligator toy only) Dinner : 3 fish sticks 27 peas F

3.

Cat - When it's my husband's turn to get up with the baby but he claims he didn't hear him crying... @they_callmemommy

4.

Text - Me: Are you pooping?! My toddler standing in the corner: @MOMMYMEMEJEANS LIV MSNE

5.

Vehicle door - It's a lovely day. I'm going to take Danny outside and wash the What a wonderful idea! car with him stock key BusinessL Monkey Busihesst

6.

Organism - Little kids tryna make sure you see them coughing

7.

Poster - Interesting, You can't find your shoes, but you can find a tiny bit of onion in your dinner. l.s

8.

Text - Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal My wife and I announce when we're going to the bathroom, but it's more a way of saying, "I'm not watching the kids, so if they die in the next 4 minutes it's all your fault."

9.

Property - Pre-Baby After Baby

10.

Car - "Why don't you want anymore kids? They are such a blessing!" My blessing: BULG

11.

Blond - How you feel after carrying your toddler around for too long @stavathomiesblog

12.

Food - Me as a parent Oh fuck Oh well

13.

Wildlife - Feeling like a bad parent? Quokkas toss their babies at predators so they can escape

14.

Face - Types of Headaches Migraine Hypertension Stress Children ONDECENTMEG @fHEDECENTMOTHER

15.

Eyewear - Kids be like "Watch this" then do a jump and spin wasting my fucking time

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Fresh Tweets That Reflect These Crazy Times

Listen. We get it. Things are pretty tough right now. We’ve all got cabin fever and are extremely tired of seeing everyone and their mom share pictures of the sourdough starters and banana bread. But. Looking at Twitter, and all its wonderfully relatable self-deprecating gems, we’re definitely not alone. We’re sure there’s a tweet or two in here that you relate to. And if not? Well, you just occupied yourself for about five minutes. Congratulations.

1.

Text - Matt. @MattTheBrand fun ways to improve your mental health (i think) - go for a walk make small useless purchases - sip coffee on a porch - pet a cute animal - - revenge | 6:48 PM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for Android

2.

Text - Simon Holland O @simoncholland Glad Marshalls is reopening, summer wouldn't have been the same without some slightly irregular fashions and obscure snacks. 5:43 AM · 5/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone

3.

Text - nige, cardigan aficionado @sensual_dad a sourdough starter is just an artisanal tamagotchi for millennials 8:08 PM · 5/21/20 · Twitter for iPhone

4.

Text - fat belly shar @Sharbillionaire My baby brother has a stutter and sometimes gives up saying what he wants to say when he sees people are getting impatient but talks my ears offf. A few days ago we're talking and he says "you understand me" with teary eyes. Guysss, idk if it's possible to feel anymore love 10:16 AM · 21 May 20 · Twitter for iPhone

5.

Text - Jessie @mommajessiec My husband said he did a double take of me when he first met me but l've also seen him do a double take of a free pile of dirt. 8:43 AM 5/8/20 - Twitter for iPhone 255 Retweets 1,467 Likes Dog Lover @DogLovinBear 8h Replying to @mommajessiec Wait, FREE dirt? 21 piscadoro @piscadoro - 8h Replying to @mommajessiec and @justmiche74 Where was the free dirt, do you think it's still there

6.

Text - tom @pilau daddy bear: who's been sleeping in my bed? mommy bear: who's been sleeping in my bed? baby bear: why are you in separate beds wtf 4:31 PM · 5/20/20 · Twitter for iPhone

7.

Text - WTFDAD @daddydoubts 3yo: look mom l'm a bartender! Wife: you're a pretend bartender? 3yo: no l'm a real bartender! Me: he's not lyin this old fashioned is on point. 5:48 PM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for iPhone

8.

Text - Anna @AnnaDoesntWant2 An Israeli professor was bored during quarantine so he invented a rapid coronavirus breathalyzer test that is 90% accurate. When I'm bored during quarantine I eat cookies. 4:43 AM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for iPhone

9.

Wildlife - Katie Didn't @Pork_Chop_Hair When a friend laughs at your joke and you are also laughing, that's the moment: That's when you go in for the kiss. 3:43 PM · 1/2/19 · Twitter for iPhone

10.

Text - The Alex Nevil @TheAlexNevil *musicians on Titanic ask panicking passengers for requests *in the distance, someone yells "Freebird" 3:17 PM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for iPhone

11.

Text - Ms Evilroyslade TM @msevilroyslade I put on mascara to go to the supermarket today, like some sort of shameless, pandemic hussy. 6:32 AM · 4/16/20 · Twitter for iPhone

12.

Fish - Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969 wife: okay, who wants the last cook- me: 12:26 PM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for iPhone

13.

Text - Son of Dad @ThugRaccoons ) The butterfly, uh uh that's old, let me see your tootsie rol| Me: Oh hell yeah! Time to hit the dance floor!! *instantly tears ACL* 7:07 AM · 1/4/18 · Twitter for iPhone

14.

Text - Steve @AnExocticBeach I walked by my scale today and relatively sure it mumbled "oh fuck no" 1:41 PM · 4/9/20 · Twitter Web App

15.

Text - Divergent Mama @Divergentmama Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the summer break beyond homeschool. 6:06 AM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for Android

16.

Text - but did u cherish @butdiducherish The best way to feel better about your kids being terrible sleepers is to surround yourself with friends whose kids sleep worse than yours. Stay tuned for more tips on pretending things are good. 7:27 AM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for iPhone

17.

Text - Mommy Needs A Life @mom_needsalife My son heard me saying that I want to get a new love seat. He keeps calling it a love couch and now it just sounds dirty. 7:45 AM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for iPhone

18.

Text - Darlin' Darla @Darlainky Coming out of lockdown with the vivaciousness of a long-hibernated, hungover, fattened-up, still tired beast. 12:08 PM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for iPhone

19.

Text - Ham on Wry @realHamOnWry I bought a volumizer shampoo to make my hair look thicker, but all it did was create a poofy edge around my bald spot like a fairy ring in the lawn. 9:33 AM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for iPhone

20.

Text - Worst Cass Scenario @WorstCassie Just once l'd like to go to the beach at sunset with a sheer bathing suit, covered in sequins and seafoam, with a professional light kit and a camera crew to capture the glorious moment a wave destroys 7 hours of hair, makeup and spray tan. 3:35 PM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for Android

21.

Text - BRIANIAC® @BGH70 Lie to me like you're an hour long infomercial. 11:30 AM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for iPhone

22.

Text - Starring Michelle @starringmichel Thelped my kids build a fort. Once established, they put up the following sign and announced "None of your features can enter these parameters! ...I don't know what that means, but I mean it!" It you need totell us Something, knock on the pin k Chair and we'll open Up.

23.

Text - Miss V @MissV12345 An out of state friend recently said to me, "Everyone in LA should have a dashcam" I responded, "We do, but we all keep them front facing to take selfies while we drive' 11:30 AM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for Android

24.

Text - Joel Hiller @joel_hiller I think if I had to sum up ldaho in one image it would be the family I just saw out in their yard with two toddlers in swimsuits. It's 45 degrees. 10:32 AM · 4/18/20 · Twitter for Android

25.

Text - Simon Holland O @simoncholland With many traditional summer activities cancelled my kids are excited for more time to dedicate to leaving the door open. 9:28 AM · 5/20/20 · Twitter for iPhone

26.

Text - Matthew A. Cherry O @MatthewACherry Mike looked like an extra in Shawshank Redemption right here KB24 Forever @FastTimesAtRF · 5/10/20 The infamous Canadian tuxedo mike had on Imao 6:16 PM · 5/10/20 · Twitter for iPhone

27.

Text - Christy @CheeseDaydreams Imiss girls' nights. Drinking tequila and telling my dog about the benefits of my current IUD just isn't the same. 1:30 PM · 5/21/20 · Twitter for Android

28.

Text - Ashley Nicole Black O @ashleyn1cole How is FedEx still trying to pull "we tried to deliver but you weren't home?" I'm the most home l've ever been. 2:57 PM · 5/22/20 · Twitter Web App

29.

Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland Me: *Staying inside all day and seeing no one because we are in quarantine* Wife: Is that what you are going to wear? 6:00 AM · 5/22/20 · Twitter for iPhone

30.

Text - Max, my name is Max @RunTheMouth I was working in a movie theatre in France, a customer started an argument with my manager, who was a highly functional alcoholic and did not give a fuck about pleasing Karens. She stupidly went "the customer is king", to which he replied "we're in France, we decapitate kings." 4:28 am · 23 May 20 · Twitter Web App

31.

Food - nathan @868nathan My plans 2020 IT 1920407 17-11 H AL DANSK ish Butter Gookies

32.

Text - daniela @ayyydaniela Me: "Im so forgiving, I dont hold grudges" Also me: 1:56 Replied to your story highlight Replied to your story highlight But all ur angles are good Double tap to like Back in 7th grade you fat shamed me and humiliated me in front of everyone pretending there was an earthquake when I fell. Replied to your story highlight Hop out of my DM's bitch

33.

Food - madison is skating @madibskatin day one of my zero waste journey! used my pasta water from breakfast to make my coffee

34.

Text - Cydni Beer @cydbeer "Quarantine has brought us closer together than we've ever been before." - My Thighs

35.

Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unic. @XplodingUnicorn 5-year-old: *makes matching friendship brackets for me and her* Me: Aww. Thank you. 5: We're in a gang now.

36.

Text - Ashley Fern O @disco_infern0 "Should I workout or drink?" | say to my dog as I pour a glass of wine

37.

Rat - NxbodyNewsTM @NxbodyNews BREAKING NEWS Meet The Rat Who's Paid Minimum Wage To Chew Holes In Kanye's $3000 T-Shirts Professor Barclay @AlbertBarclay69 Peak capitalism is not immediately knowing if this is satire

38.

Couch - origami-zombie My mom crocheted a blanket, and one of the cats kept trying to lay on it the whole time she was working on it and every time she put it down. So she used the extra yarn to make him a tiny one and he loves it so much

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Baby Discovers Her First Laugh, Wholesomeness Ensues

Witness the wonderfully wholesome moment that a baby discovers her first laugh. It’s so sweet it hurts. 

Witness the wonderfully wholesome moment that a baby discovers her first laugh. It’s so sweet it hurts. 

Submitted by: (via John Kennedy)

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Moderately Amusing Memes For Procrastination Purposes

While Fridays really don’t matter much these days, it’s still our belief that we’re obligated to celebrate the weekend. And since we can’t head to the clubs, bars, or restaurants to blow off steam, we’re trying to find other ways to chill out. So far, beyond drinking copious amounts of alcohol, scrolling through memes has been fitting the bill. And here’s a whole lot of ’em here for you.

1.

Text - My bank recently called me to let me know I had an outstanding balance. I said: "Thanks I used to do gymnastics" and hung up the phone. That was nice of them to say.

2.

Text - X: Greek letter "Chi", pronounced "Ki" Æ: Pronounced "Ai" A-12: 12th letter of the alphabet, "L" It's pronounced "Kyle" (Ki-Ai-L) Kyle Musk u/BakedPlatypus All that for a Kyle ?

3.

Bengal tiger - Other people- You're cruisin for a bruisin Me-You're askin for a Baskin

4.

Text - When ur afraid of catching COVID-19 so you download an AntiVirus and stick the USB up your ass 24 helth

5.

Product - i BABYLONBEE.COM Wife Unaware That Movie Will Answer All Her Questions If She Just Pays Attention

6.

Face - Me: don't believe everything you see on the internet smh gullible Internet: Does lightning McQueen get car insurance or life insurance Me: V31nr 30 45 60 12 V3 sin COS tan y=ax +bxtc (x, x)=-b±A 2a VT WT 4= \b-4ac

7.

Text - Nintendrick Lamario @synthandlasers *me getting captured by Jigsaw* Jigsaw: "You wasted your life drinking craft beers. Now you've been poisoned. One of these two-hundred bottles contains the antid_" Me: "Done." Jigsaw: "What..what do you mean done?" Me: "I mean *burp* fight me you tricycle-ass puppet bitch." 10/18/18, 4:04 PM

8.

Text - Spooky Mama Pajama e & @mamapjs1 Embrace your inner child. Run in a meadow. Laugh at the sun. Follow the rainbow. Pee in your pants. Get angry at the color blue. Scream because circles should be squares. Tell a stranger she looks like the lady in daddy's secret magazines. Believe in magic.

9.

Mode of transport - My gf telling the police not to arrest me Me, drunk and wondering why she's mad at the Uber driver ICE

10.

Cat - when you finally lose your shit and your kids look at you like they aren't the ones that did this to you. @mommysinsidevolce

11.

Photo caption - Well look at you, you beautiful bitch ME WHEN I SEE ANY OF MY PLANTS THRIVING

12.

Text - * kayde * @queen_kayde White girls get dream catcher tattoos and wonder why their lives are going to shit like idk Sara maybe ask the thing inked on your body that attracts bad shit you unseasoned chicken wing

13.

Nose - maaamaaaaaa uwu d-malorkas Delete this

14.

Photo caption - Teachers: Just log into Zablezoot, scroll down to the Zork! app and have the kids work through the assignments sent through Kracklezam or check the links posted in Drumblekick. Parents:

15.

Text - Relatable Randy @_relatablerandy Did 10 squats today. Don't expect me at work tomorrow - gonna call in thicc.

16.

Font - Now this is wisdom EVERY DEAD B ODY ON MT EVEREST WAS ONCE A VERY DETERMINED INDIVIDUAL S0.. MAYBE CALM DOWN

17.

Drawing - Ca wishem wishem CAW

18.

Text - me: i'm a very private person someone: hi me: so i'll start by describing some of my lighter traumas before I get into the real bad stuff

19.

Text - Too bad you can't get abs from laughing at your own jokes because l'd have a defined 8 pack by now

20.

Dinosaur - Elsie Lovelock @sweetpoffin THE STRONGFEMALE CHARACTERS ILOOKUPTO

21.

Text - Therapist: and what do we do when we feel sad? Me: War DisNEpWorld. Therapist: no

22.

Hair - Reasons why I'm writing in Rob Van Winkle for president: 1. He's patriotic (see jacket). 2. He stops. 3. He collaborates. 4. HE LISTENS. 5. If there's a problem, yo, he solves it.

23.

Text - HUNN HUNN brnchewy: Let's just take a moment to appreciate the fact that Pooh has just shoved the equivalent of his own internal organs back into his body like it was no big deal. No bothers were given that day. No bothers given. No bothers. LOOK AT ALL HUNNY THE BOTHERS I GIVE brnchewy 1,110,629 notes Feb 28th, 2017

24.

Text - NO MATTER HOW BIG YOUR HOUSE IS, HOW RECENT YOUR CAR IS, HOU BIG YOUR BANK ACCOUNT IS, OUR GRAVES WILL BE THE SAME SIZE. STAY HUNABLE. Speak for yourself Peasant

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Orangutan - When she's done her hair and makeup and spent £100 on lingerie to see me stand at the end of the bed like...

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Face - BREAKING NEWS: Eminem has just become the tirst celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus. In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was moms spaghetti.. BREAKING NEWS CNN EMINEM DIAGNOSED WITH CORONAVIRUS

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Text - Is it fucked up or genius that I taught my kids to sing a clean up song to the tune o "my neck, my back"? 'Do it now Clean it good Clean this house up like you should Your books Your blocks Pick your shoes up, and your socks' Nevermind, that's definitely genius.

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Text - Can they raise lifeguard requirements I'm sorry but i just don't trust a 19 year old 110 pound blonde named mackenzeigh wth the IQ of a mcchicken to save my life NO, NO. HE'S GOT A POINT.

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Hair - When you hate people more than the virus classicalfuck

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Text - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Stephen King has a son named Joe. I'm not joking, but he is.

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Frog - Interviewer: It says here you never went to jail. Me: Correct, I was taken.

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Product - When I hear that Coronavirus is more likely to affect men Its Ma'am SAVE AL $30 $20 UTY Please FIRST ON Wait Here CLEARANC STAR

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Adaptation - me looking at the F my kid got for the math homework i solved

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Text - do u ever set 2 alarms for the morning where the first one is like 'im gonna make myself eggs for breakfast and look like a snack today' and the second one is like 'im gonna have to deal with a snack for breakfast and look like an egg today'

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Text - me: i want vanilla ice cream ben & jerry's: try this willy nilli milli vanilli me: just regular vanilla plz ben & jerry's: here's magilla gorilla thrilla in vanilla me: ben & jerry's: chillin like a villain on a vicodin pillin with a bobby bonillin window sillin vanillin

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Organism - Never fight a dinosaur. You'll get jurasskicked. otoho dep po os depoutchole dpophotos

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Facial expression - nobody: nobody at all: me: making up scenarios in my head and taking it too far & hurting my own feelings. HACKNEYSFINEST

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Text - 2020 Mood dumb aloo @besharmi replacing my heart with a lego, step on it now bitch

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Hair - alyceoneword When you put your kid to bed an hour ago, but they keep reappearing asking for water and the meaning of life

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Photo caption - 5 seconds after changing your babys diaper Baby: @itsbabyyoda I shidded

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Text - Afro-LightskinO. @itsKARY Ineed to lose 15-20 pounds in 30 days. Send me tips. Legal & illegal. content emoji @marscuv Clean veganism, daily exercise, plenty of water, plenty of sleep, and (I can't stress this enough) cocaine

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Text - jaboukie @jaboukie how are people out here with no therapy not taking any prescribed or illicit drugs just raw dogging reality 11:36 AM · 1/23/19 · Twitter for iPhone

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19 Tweets That Prove Kids On Zoom Are Hilarious

It’s difficult to count the ways that the pandemic has uprooted our lives. Many of us are jobless. People have lost loved ones. We’re all getting cabin fever from being cooped up in our homes. But kids have got it pretty weird. And so do parents. As their studies move to the internet, children are being forced to endure “Zoom classes.” And while that seems pretty surreal and scary for many of us, kids happen to be super adaptable. And that adaptability can often translate to humor. These tweets, which come from parents eavesdropping on their children’s virtual lessons, are some seriously wholesome proof of that. 

1.

Text - Lin-Manuel Miranda @Lin_Manuel Kindergarten Zoom Dance Teacher: Yes, Sebastian, you have a question? Sebastian (unmuting himself): Yes, my little brother really likes dancing. Teacher: That's great! Sebastian: So can he do this class for me? cc: @VAMNI. 10:20 AM · 5/22/20 · Twitter Web App

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Text - Arnie Niekamp @misterarnie Overheard my daughter, doing a Zoom meeting with her kindergarten class, saying, with the weariness of an adult, "Clark, you're muted." 5:53 PM · 4/13/20 · Twitter Web App

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Text - k.liz @kathyyliz 'when i got money from the tooth fairy because my tooth came out, i decided i want to collect more money.' - a kindergartener in this Zoom class. i am ROLLING. the HUSTLE 10:48 AM · 5/21/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Imacleod @lmacleod Overheard on kindergarten zoom... Teacher: "What's 14+1?" Child: "I don't have enough fingers for that!" 8:42 AM - 5/8/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - suesalvi @suesalvi Just overheard on my 9-year-old's Zoom: "Would Santa kill a shark?" ...really got me thinking. 12:29 PM · 5/22/20 · Twitter Web App

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Hamster - Kelly Huh, Ph.D. @glaciergeek I overheard zoom kids chat the other day that if all students can wear hamster balls at schools, then it may be good to return. GIF 7:42 PM · 5/16/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Andrew Exum @ExumAM I just overheard my five-year old tell a girl in his preschool class, on Zoom, "Hey [Name],I dreamed of you last night." What a little Casanova. 9:56 AM · 4/7/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Monica Mahoney O @mmPharmD Well ... I was just shared during Kindergarten zoom show and tell "THIS IS MY MOMMY!" 2:34 PM · 5/11/20 · Twitter for Android

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Text - Karl Brophy O @KarlBrophy Overheard from the teacher on the 8 year-old's Zoom spelling test this week: "Okay class, let's not use virtual backgrounds. We don't want people being distracted." 6:35 AM · 5/1/20 · Twitter for iPad

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Text - Ryan Dilbert O @ryandilbert Overheard in my daughter's Zoom class: Go ahead and put your lizard away and we'll get started on our math. 11:43 AM · 4/28/20 from Houston, TX · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - Ranak Trivedi @RanakTrivedi Overheard on my 5 yo daughter's classroom zoom: "I have a comment and a question" #futureacademic #preparingforconferences cc: @vibhor_chhabra 12:12 PM · 5/18/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - David Enrich O @davidenrich Every Monday, my son's kindergarten class shares (via Zoom) what everyone did this weekend. Today I heard: "socially distanced picnic" "walked in the woods but it was too crowded" "wore masks" "stayed home" They're saying these phrases like they're normal. 9:33 AM - 5/18/20 · Twitter Web App

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Text - Todd Coleman @todd_coleman My daughter had a Zoom class yesterday. The teacher's internet went out, so one of the kids was made the default host. He muted everyone, pretended to teach the class, and then just said "fart" over and over until the teacher was able to join back. It was amazing. 10:12 AM · 4/29/20 · Twitter Web App

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Text - Mike Lobikis @MLfromdeep When my daughter joins her zoom class in the morning, every kid just yells "poopy" at the other kids for 5 minutes.

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Text - LazyManAndMoney @LazyManAndMoney My 7-year old's Zoom class right now... Teacher: Who wants to add a character to the story? Girl: l'd like to add a bird. My son: l'd like to add a ginormous cucumber zombie. Next kid: l'd like to add a rabbit. 9:38 AM · 5/21/20 · TweetDeck

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Text - Kiel Phegley @KielPhegley You Know, For Kids Just listened to a kid on my child's preschool class zoom call tel everyone "This is Link, the character from Zelda: Toilet Princess." 11:23 AM - 5/22/20 · Twitter Web App

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Text - Jason Isbell @Jasonlsbel| My favorite moment from quarantine has been my four year old daughter explaining fuzz tone guitar to her zoom preschool class 11:46 AM · 5/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Text - a breast of fresh air @joinez My dumb ass logged my son into his Zoom class and I ain't have no shirt on Lmaoo all I heard was 15 Lil ass voices saying ewwwww 9:06 AM · 5/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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Parenting Memes To Get You Through The Ups & Downs

As if parentingwasn’t already a slightly-gratifying nightmare, the quarantine and home-schooling are making it increasingly difficult to stay sane. If you’re suddenly feeling more violent and frustrated than usual, you’re not alone. Raising kids is already a full time job. Now there’s almost zero time to take care of yourselves. The good news is that you’re not alone. And these amusing memes about the trials and tribulations of parenthood are pretty great proof. If you’re lucky, they may even elicit a rare laugh from your exhausted body.

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Soldier - Bathroom: *Empty all day* Every member of my family within 0.002 nanoseconds of me entering it: SHERIFF SH SHEPIF

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Soldier - Restaurant: Kids under 12 eat free Dad: He's 11 Me: Actually I'm ninetee- Dad:

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Photo caption - I can relate to Ozzy Osbourne now that i have a baby don't know what planet l'm on What the fuck am I talking about. What's going on here? Who? What? Who's this? What? [phone ringing) What the fuck is that?

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Helmet - ME DEALING WITH MY DAUGHTER'S EMOTIONS

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Text - spacegirl incognito @iamspacegirl Pickin my dad up from Dadcare me: come on dad dad: no I want to play w the other dads me: Im in a hurry all dads: HI IN A HURRY me: damn it

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Text - The Dad THE DAD @thedad Dads love getting there early to "beat the rush"

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Sports - MY HILARIOUS DAD JOKES MY UNGRATEFUL FAMILY

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Nose - Dad: Tell the truth and you won't get in trouble Kid: *tells truth* Dad: You fell victim to one of the classic. blunders!

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Text - Adam Gaylord @AuthorGaylord Me Pre-Kids: I'm never gonna lie to my kids ever. Me with Kids: ljust got off the phone with Santa, the firefighter dog from Paw Patrol, and the Green Power Ranger, and they all agree, if you don't put your shoes on, they're gonna have to put down another unicorn. Public Librar

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Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland If an old dude ever gives you advice while peeling an apple with a pocket knife and eating pieces right off the blade, you should probably take it.

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Dish - My daughter's request when I wake her up at 6am for high school wiki How 8 8 Let the potato rest for five minutes.

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Face - When the sink is full of dirty dishes, the trash needs to go out, and the washer and dryer are full THE DAD I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it

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Adaptation - m3aruf @m3aruf me looking at the F my kid got for the math homework i solved

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Text - Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal Things that made my toddler cry this week: - he couldn't wear waffles to daycare -I beat him in a race - he beat me in a race - pancakes had uneven distribution of - chocolate chips - he wanted his boogers back How about your kid? 9:38 AM · 1/30/20 · Twitter Web App

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Text - Jessie @mommajessiec "My child fell down the stairs." Mommy FB groups: Why were you not watching her? Are your stairs not bubble wrapped? Are you not feeding your child organic home- grown food?DID YOU NOT DOUSE YOUR CHILD WITH ESSENTIAL OILS?! Daddy FB groups: LMFAO 10:43 PM · 1/27/20 · Twitter for iPhone 222 Retweets 1,393 Likes

16.

Text - Guy Leech @guyrleech I took my 8-year-old to the office on Take Your Child to Work Day. As we were walking around, she starting crying & getting very cranky, so I asked her what was wrong. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed, 'Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?'

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Photograph - -Mom, am I ugly? -I told you not to call me mom in front of people IG: Lei.Ying.Lo

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Grave - Me getting home after 2019 a 12 hour shift of hard labor busband, and My four year old hitting me right in the nuts

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Face - You're the parent. You're in charge. You do not have to watch another episode of Paw Patrol.

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Facial expression - my baby learning to walk WEN my baby learning to talk my baby enjoying the same movies I enjoyed as a child WF

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Desperate Sports Fan Would Almost Be Willing To Watch Own Kids Play In Backyard At This Point

BETHLEHEM, PA—Worried that the lack of professional athletic events was beginning to chip away at his very sanity, deprived sports fan Kendall Moyer confirmed Friday that he would almost be willing to watch his own kids play in the backyard at this point. “Christ, I’m so starved for sports that I caught myself on the…

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BETHLEHEM, PA—Worried that the lack of professional athletic events was beginning to chip away at his very sanity, deprived sports fan Kendall Moyer confirmed Friday that he would almost be willing to watch his own kids play in the backyard at this point. “Christ, I’m so starved for sports that I caught myself on the…

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Quick Tumblr Thread About Dad’s Silent Kindness

Poor dad is just trying to go around and spread the love and kindness, but every time he does so it inspires panic from the worried women in his house. Let’s all just appreciate the dads out there that are trying their best, and unintentionally inspiring anxiety in their confused family members. Their hearts are in the right place. 

Poor dad is just trying to go around and spread the love and kindness, but every time he does so it inspires panic from the worried women in his house. Let’s all just appreciate the dads out there that are trying their best, and unintentionally inspiring anxiety in their confused family members. Their hearts are in the right place. 

1.

Text - margotkim So I came home from work today and there was a kindle addressed to me that | did not remember ordering. I spent the afternoon trying to figure out how I accidentally purchased a kindle from Amazon, and when I came back from hanging out with Catherine, I told my parents, guys, you will not believe what I accidentally ordered for myself. "Huh," said Dad very casually. "Did you get charged for it?" I spent the next five minutes checking my bank account and came back into the living

2.

Text - It was around the time that I started to sound panicked that Dad confessed to buying it for me ("I didn't realize the mystery of it would be so terrifying"). Which was very, very sweet and slightly unfortunate because yesterday I purchased a replacement kindle for myself. So anyway, we now have a family kindle margotkim Me and Mom were talking about the kindle this morning, and she told me about how a few weeks ago, she got into her car only to discover that it had been mysteriously clean

3.

Text - "But who would do this?" she said to my father who said he was sure he had no idea. "A student? A stranger? Someone who broke into my car to steal it but felt bad about how dirty it was? WHO??" Eventually Dad was like, “Honey. It was clearly me." Poor Dad just wants to be a man who expresses his love through silent actions, but his family consists of panicked, suspicious women who apparently are very sure that strangers will ominously do nice things for us Source:andhumanslovedstories 206

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Dad Uses Son’s College Fund To Remodel Home

It’s all about the context here in this particular AITA. Dad had saved money for his son’s college fund, which ultimately didn’t end up getting used, because his son decided to drop out. Fast forward, and the son is asking his dad if he could tap into the college fund for what sounds like newlywed expenses/alleviating debt. Dad was not about it, because the whole point of the money was for it to be used for college. 

It’s all about the context here in this particular AITA. Dad had saved money for his son’s college fund, which ultimately didn’t end up getting used, because his son decided to drop out. Fast forward, and the son is asking his dad if he could tap into the college fund for what sounds like newlywed expenses/alleviating debt. Dad was not about it, because the whole point of the money was for it to be used for college. 

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