Bernie Sanders Drops Out Of Presidential Race

Bernie Sanders suspended his presidential campaign Wednesday, saying a path to victory was “virtually impossible” after falling behind former Vice President Joe Biden by nearly 300 delegates. What do you think?

Read more…

Bernie Sanders suspended his presidential campaign Wednesday, saying a path to victory was “virtually impossible” after falling behind former Vice President Joe Biden by nearly 300 delegates. What do you think?

Read more…

Source Pheromones

SeaWorld CEO Resigns After Furloughing 90% Of Workers

Citing disagreements with the board of directors, Sergio Rivera resigned this week just five months into his tenure as SeaWorld CEO and days after the company furloughed 90% of its employees due to the coronavirus pandemic. What do you think?

Read more…

Citing disagreements with the board of directors, Sergio Rivera resigned this week just five months into his tenure as SeaWorld CEO and days after the company furloughed 90% of its employees due to the coronavirus pandemic. What do you think?

“I wonder if they could’ve switched to some sort of seal-delivery model?”

Karen Umbach • Bear Linguist

Advertisement

“SeaWorld needs to make things right and appoint an orca.”

Warner Lopinski • Food Truck Janitor

“He’s in a pretty tough spot. Not too many animal abuse theme parks are hiring right now.”

Oliver Peters • Unemployed

Source Pheromones

Lady Gaga Announces Multi-Network Covid-19 Benefit Concert Telecast

Lady Gaga announced that she is curating the “One World: Together At Home” benefit concert that will air simultaneously on ABC, NBC, and CBS on April 18 and feature musical artists including Elton John, Paul McCartney, Lizzo, and Billie Eilish among others. What do you think?

Read more…

Lady Gaga announced that she is curating the “One World: Together At Home” benefit concert that will air simultaneously on ABC, NBC, and CBS on April 18 and feature musical artists including Elton John, Paul McCartney, Lizzo, and Billie Eilish among others. What do you think?

“Our complete lack of preparation has left us vulnerable to another ‘We Are The World.’”

Lavender Wishart • Apple Buyer

Advertisement

“This is really surprising given how much she supported the Zika virus a few years back.”

Kenan Brummel • Battery Tester

“I know we’ll be able to see them, but will they be able to see us?”

Zackary Cuffin • Systems Analyst

Source Pheromones

Wisconsin Holds Democratic Primary Despite Coronavirus Concerns

Wisconsin is holding its presidential primary today just hours after an executive order from Governor Tony Evers to halt the election was blocked by the state Supreme Court, a move local Democrats and voting rights groups fear will put voters in danger and greatly reduce turnout. What do you think?

Read more…

Wisconsin is holding its presidential primary today just hours after an executive order from Governor Tony Evers to halt the election was blocked by the state Supreme Court, a move local Democrats and voting rights groups fear will put voters in danger and greatly reduce turnout. What do you think?

“People died for our right to vote, so it’s only fair we die exercising it.”

Nicole Mortelecque • Beach Docent

Advertisement

“Well, it’s not every day you get to vote incumbent J. Michael Bitney back in as Barron County Circuit Court Judge Branch 2.”

Guy Lowrie • Playbill Folder

“Pretty cocky of Wisconsin Democrats to assume the virus would even want to infect them.”

Ian Crowther • Artichoke Distributor

Source Pheromones

Americans Urged To Make Their Own Face Masks

In a reversal from previous guidelines, the CDC is now urging all Americans to make masks from household fabrics like tea towels or cotton T-shirts and wear them when out in public to prevent asymptomatic individuals from spreading the disease. What do you think?

Read more…

In a reversal from previous guidelines, the CDC is now urging all Americans to make masks from household fabrics like tea towels or cotton T-shirts and wear them when out in public to prevent asymptomatic individuals from spreading the disease. What do you think?

“Nice idea, but not sure how I’m supposed to kiss strangers in that.”

Lee Swindwell • Tea Steeper

“What’s next, ordering us to stay inside to avoid transmission?”

Digby Hess • Unemployed

Advertisement

“Just direct me to the fussiest 97-step pattern Pinterest can offer.”

Maria Kerby • Pediatric Veterinarian

Source Pheromones

Coronavirus Task Force Member Receives Security Detail Following Threats

Infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, who is helping lead the White House’s response against Covid-19, has been given a security detail after receiving threats online from conspiracy theorists who believe he is attempting to hurt the president’s image during a campaign year. What do you think?

Read more…

Infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, who is helping lead the White House’s response against Covid-19, has been given a security detail after receiving threats online from conspiracy theorists who believe he is attempting to hurt the president’s image during a campaign year. What do you think?

“Fauci knew the game the minute he joined the National Institutes of Health.”

Lucy Reale • Peanut Roasting Technician

“Would an innocent person get a security detail to protect themselves from crazy people?”

John Rivera • Aerosol Can Filler

Advertisement

“Glad to see my messages have been received.”

Matthew Dolan • Unemployed

Source Pheromones

FDA Eases Restrictions On Blood Donations From Gay, Bisexual Men

Citing the need to maintain the country’s blood supply during the coronavirus pandemic, the FDA announced gay and bisexual men are eligible to donate blood if they’ve abstained from sex with other men for the previous three months. What do you think?

Read more…

Citing the need to maintain the country’s blood supply during the coronavirus pandemic, the FDA announced gay and bisexual men are eligible to donate blood if they’ve abstained from sex with other men for the previous three months. What do you think?

“The people in charge need to realize that gay and bisexual men are just as full of blood as the rest of us.”

Josette Abramsen • Rust Scraper

“Thank God. I’m sick of having to walk into blood donation centers and talk about how much I love my wife.”

Aaron Hambly • Tile Aligner

Advertisement

“Nice try, FDA, you’re not getting me out of the house.”

Seth Bundoc • Lint Remover

Source Pheromones

Bidet Sales Skyrocket During Coronavirus Pandemic

As grocery stores and online retailers struggle to keep toilet paper in stock due to Americans panic-buying paper products, bidet sales have increased up to ten times what they were before the pandemic. What do you think?

Read more…

As grocery stores and online retailers struggle to keep toilet paper in stock due to Americans panic-buying paper products, bidet sales have increased up to ten times what they were before the pandemic. What do you think?

“Wouldn’t it be simpler to just stop going to the bathroom until this whole pandemic thing blows over?”

Alan Hynde • Lotion Processor

“No thanks. I just can’t get used to the idea of cleaning yourself with water.”

Dee Bromilow • Blimp Steward

Advertisement

“I’m concerned that this will ultimately lead to us adopting the metric system.”

BJ Laroche • Bowling Pin Setter

Source Pheromones

Spotify Launches App For Children

Spotify announced a new kid-friendly app featuring over 8,000 songs, bedtime stories, lullabies, soundscapes, and themed playlists including country, Motown, Christian, and soul music. What do you think?

Read more…

Spotify announced a new kid-friendly app featuring over 8,000 songs, bedtime stories, lullabies, soundscapes, and themed playlists including country, Motown, Christian, and soul music. What do you think?

“Kudos to the folks at Spotify for successfully finding a fun, engaging way to gather data on underage users.”

Giselle Baker • Systems Analyst

“Absolutely not. Children should not be exposed to music until they’re 18.”

Warren McKay • Pasta Expert

Advertisement

“Excellent, I’ve been looking to get into some new lullabies.”

Judah Candusso • Spittoon Dumper

Source Pheromones

Zoom App Sued For Sharing User Data

The videoconferencing service Zoom is at the center of a class-action lawsuit filed this week alleging the company handed over personal information to Facebook without notifying users, while tech news sites also report the app may not be as secure as it claims. What do you think?

Read more…

The videoconferencing service Zoom is at the center of a class-action lawsuit filed this week alleging the company handed over personal information to Facebook without notifying users, while tech news sites also report the app may not be as secure as it claims. What do you think?

“I expected so much more from this service I hadn’t heard of until three weeks ago.”

Dorothea Heusler • Unemployed

“This kind of behavior gives profiting off a disaster a bad name.”

Joel Campa • Corporate Au Pair

Advertisement

“Tech companies should respect their customers’ privacy enough to briefly mention in fine print how they’ll be violating it.”

Terrence Pernice • Moss Scientist

Source Pheromones

Pandemic Lockdowns Improve Air Quality Worldwide

As global industry slows and people isolate to prevent the spread of coronavirus, scientists say air pollution and carbon emissions have dropped significantly, with levels of gases like nitrogen dioxide falling nearly 30% in some areas. What do you think?

Read more…

As global industry slows and people isolate to prevent the spread of coronavirus, scientists say air pollution and carbon emissions have dropped significantly, with levels of gases like nitrogen dioxide falling nearly 30% in some areas. What do you think?

“That will be nice to experience if I ever get to go outside again.”

Trevor Pine • Candy Peddler

“With the private sector shut down, it’s up to the government to make up for our lost carbon emissions.”

Cynthia Pressman • Pants Pleater

Advertisement

“The bad news just keeps on coming.”

Floyd Marinacci • Webcam Hacker

Source Pheromones

Perseverance Rover Will Carry Essays, List Of Names To Mars

The Perseverance Rover will bring along a microchip etched with 10.9 million names and over 150 essays on its journey to the Red Planet when it launches this summer, all part of NASA’s “Send Your Name To Mars” campaign. What do you think?

Read more…

The Perseverance Rover will bring along a microchip etched with 10.9 million names and over 150 essays on its journey to the Red Planet when it launches this summer, all part of NASA’s “Send Your Name To Mars” campaign. What do you think?

“Is it a good idea to let extraterrestrials know what a bunch of fucking nerds we are?”

Tucker Ferland • Systems Analyst

“So when will I get Mars’s feedback on my essay?”

Darcy Holt • Shoe Resole Specialist

Advertisement

“Ooh, I hope they included ‘Dennis!’”

Dennis Mount • Semi Truck Valet

Source Pheromones

Van Gogh Painting Stolen On Painter’s 167th Birthday

An early Van Gogh piece, titled The Parsonage Garden At Nuenen In Spring, was the only painting stolen from a Dutch museum during an overnight burglary on March 30th, which coincidentally would have been the artist’s 167th birthday. What do you think?

Read more…

An early Van Gogh piece, titled The Parsonage Garden At Nuenen In Spring, was the only painting stolen from a Dutch museum during an overnight burglary on March 30th, which coincidentally would have been the artist’s 167th birthday. What do you think?

“Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe it was the thief’s birthday, too?”

Taylor Khoury • Pencil Machinist

“If we’re not taking advantage of the current lawlessness, what was the outbreak even for?”

Manny Rosenblat • Mayo Bottler

Advertisement

“What a rude thing for that burglar to do!”

Steven Touzie • Road Salter

Source Pheromones

Scientists Discover Earliest Common Ancestor To All Animal Life

Researchers at the University of California say a worm-like creature that lived on the ocean floor 555 million years ago is the earliest known bilaterian, an organism that has two symmetrical sides and a distinct front and back connected by a continuous gut. What do you think?

Read more…

Researchers at the University of California say a worm-like creature that lived on the ocean floor 555 million years ago is the earliest known bilaterian, an organism that has two symmetrical sides and a distinct front and back connected by a continuous gut. What do you think?

“Being worm-like is the common bond that we all share.”

Christi Gasiewski • Systems Analyst

“As a Christian, I believe that we are all descended from Jesus’ continuous gut.”

Theo Fentress • Wallpaper Scraper

Advertisement

“It’ll be great to finally have something to talk to reptiles about.”

Bob Pandolfo • Canoe Storage Specialist

Source Pheromones

U.N. Names Finland Happiest Country For Third Year In A Row

The 2020 United Nations World Happiness Report has found Finland has the happiest citizens in the world, followed closely by other Nordic countries while the United States has bumped up one spot to number 18. What do you think?

Read more…

The 2020 United Nations World Happiness Report has found Finland has the happiest citizens in the world, followed closely by other Nordic countries while the United States has bumped up one spot to number 18. What do you think?

“Sure, it works in Finland, but I don’t think happiness is right for the U.S.”

Hattie Carpenter • Unemployed

“Good for them, but there’s more to life than winning some competition that exhaustively measures quality of life.”

Jerry Skager • Chair Expert

Advertisement

“One wonders how they thought up Angry Birds.”

Christoph Thibodeaux • Marble Slab Polisher

Source Pheromones

Woody Allen’s Memoir Released After Being Dropped By Original Publisher

Woody Allen’s memoir, Apropos Of Nothing, was released this week nearly a month after it was dropped by Hachette Book Group, who backed out of publishing the book following employee protests and an announcement by Allen’s son Ronan Farrow that he would no longer work with the company. What do you think?

Read more…

Woody Allen’s memoir, Apropos Of Nothing, was released this week nearly a month after it was dropped by Hachette Book Group, who backed out of publishing the book following employee protests and an announcement by Allen’s son Ronan Farrow that he would no longer work with the company. What do you think?

“It’s absolutely disgusting that people still write memoirs.”

Judith Petura • Mulch Bagger

“When it can briefly delay the publication of a book, cancel culture has gone too far.”

Skip Reid • Police Scanner Attendant

Advertisement

“I applaud the original publisher for taking a principled stand once their employees and clients threatened to quit.”

Bryan Novak • Watch Refurbisher

Source Pheromones

TV Shows Donate Medical Supplies To Hospitals Amid Pandemic

Medical and first-responder dramas The Resident, The Good Doctor, and Station 19 have donated personal protective equipment normally used as costumes to local hospitals as health centers struggle with supply shortages amidst the Covid-19 pandemic. What do you think?

Read more…

Medical and first-responder dramas The Resident, The Good Doctor, and Station 19 have donated personal protective equipment normally used as costumes to local hospitals as health centers struggle with supply shortages amidst the Covid-19 pandemic. What do you think?

“Maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess if we didn’t have so many medical shows hoarding supplies in the first place.”

Rod Zinberg • Forensic Arborist

“It’s in trying times like these that we find out which prime-time dramas we can really count on.“

Nicole Mendoza • Chicken Filleter

Advertisement

“If hospitals also need any extras to hang in the background, I’m happy to contribute my services.”

Chauncey Sloan • Unemployed

Source Pheromones

Aquarium Lets Penguins Take Tour Of Premises During Coronavirus Shutdown

In a video that has since gone viral, penguins at Chicago’s Shedd Aquarium were given the opportunity to explore the premises and visit animals in other exhibits this week as the facility closed its doors to the public. What do you think?

Read more…

In a video that has since gone viral, penguins at Chicago’s Shedd Aquarium were given the opportunity to explore the premises and visit animals in other exhibits this week as the facility closed its doors to the public. What do you think?

“But then they locked them back up again right?”

Jonathan Tarantina • Centipede Rehabilitator

“And here I am trapped at home with my goddamn family.”

AJ Hendershott • Scooter Engineer

Advertisement

“Did they have to pay extra for the 4D Movie experience?”

Gina Leiner • Corporate Orthodontist

Source Pheromones

Tik-Tok May Have Buried Posts From Ugly Users

Leaked documents allegedly show that the video-sharing app Tik-Tok instructed moderators to censor posts made by people deemed ugly, poor, overweight or disabled in an effort to artificially limit their audiences. What do you think?

Read more…

Leaked documents allegedly show that the video-sharing app Tik-Tok instructed moderators to censor posts made by people deemed ugly, poor, overweight or disabled in an effort to artificially limit their audiences. What do you think?

“I’ll be the judge of who’s too ugly to watch for 8 seconds, thanks.”

Marni Collado • Yogurt researcher

“Okay, but don’t attractive people deserve their day in the sun?”

Jess Maddox • Cement Mixer

Advertisement

“What a relief to know people don’t hate my videos, just my body.”

Kip Andrew • Screen Door Installer

Source Pheromones

Google Offers Virtual Tours Of World’s Museums And Cultural Sites

With the world locked down under threat of coronavirus, Google highlighted its collection of virtual tours featuring over 2,500 museums and cultural attractions from around the globe, including the Guggenheim in New York, the Palace of Versaille, Machu Picchu, and the Tokyo National Museum. What do you think?

Read more…

With the world locked down under threat of coronavirus, Google highlighted its collection of virtual tours featuring over 2,500 museums and cultural attractions from around the globe, including the Guggenheim in New York, the Palace of Versaille, Machu Picchu, and the Tokyo National Museum. What do you think?

“I guess I could check out Bartolomé Esteban Murillo’s Immaculate Conception of El Escorial while I’m waiting for Doom Eternal to download.”

Ethan Tanner • Fern Mister

“This is lovely. I’ve always wanted to see the internet.”

Adena Benoit • Makeup Removal Artist

Advertisement

“Virtual reality will never replace the thrill of being yelled at by docents for standing too close to the artwork.”

Mickey Kern • Systems Analyst

Source Pheromones