Dude Rants About Boneless Chicken Wings In City Council Meeting

This dude is REAL passionate about chicken wings.

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Can’t Even Be That Much…

Funny dank meme that reads, "The government thinking a one time check of $1,200 is enough" above a still of Lucille Bluth saying, "How much could rent cost? Ten dollars?"

Just stop being poor!

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Man Investigated By FBI For Doing His Job

Sounds like a truly nightmarish day on the job. Poor guy was just trying to do the work that he was tasked doing, and ends up walking right into a full on mess. Get the dude a raise or something for the hassle. 

Sounds like a truly nightmarish day on the job. Poor guy was just trying to do the work that he was tasked doing, and ends up walking right into a full on mess. Get the dude a raise or something for the hassle. 

1.

Text - r/tifu + JOIN u/nothintooseahear • 4d TIFU by being investigated by the FBI for doing my job This happened about a decade ago, and l'm finally comfortable sharing this anonymously to the public.

2.

Text - TL;DR I was tasked with researching a subject for my government job, and asked some questions online that led to me being investigated and eventually interrogated as a potential terrorist by the FBI and NCIS. After I graduated from college, I used to work for the Navy as an engineer and direct federal employee. During my time there I mostly worked on small budget experimental and prototype projects. At one point, our team discussed placing our prototype on an RC airplane for testing purpo

3.

Text - on my team had much experience with RC planes, but I had a little experience with multirotors from a college senior project. I gladly volunteered to research the subject as it sounded interesting. Initially, I used google to find some RC planes what would meet our requirements. Unfortunately, most RC planes at the time were sold as a frame, and required you to choose an engine, propeller, batteries and other components that affect the capabilities of the airplane. The best place to find i

4.

Text - these planes was on online forums. Each model of airplane often had its own thread with hobbyist discussing the various configurations and performance characteristics of the plane. I found a particular RC airplane that I thought would meet my team's needs. I hopped on the forum and innocently asked how much weight the plane could carrying and how fast it could go. At first, I received some genuine responses until someone said, "Wait a minute, why are you asking?!" I panicked. I baked up s

5.

Text - messaged two of the most vocal users who were certain I was a terrorist to let them know I worked for the Navy, and wasn't a terrorist. One user believed me; one called me a liar. I ultimately decided it was time to cut my losses and deleted my account from the forum. We ended up not using RC planes at the time and I thought that was that. I put it out of my mind. About 4 months later, I received a call at 4:30pm from someone I will refer to as Special Agent Smith with NCIS. On the phone,

6.

Text - Smith asked if I could come visit him at his office right then. My job, at the time, was legally required to be a 9-5. My pregnant wife was expecting me home at about 5:15pm. Sol asked Special Agent Smith how long it would be and what the nature of the visit was. He responded with, "Only about half an hour" and "I'll tell you when you get here." I sent my wife a quick text that l'd be a little late getting home, and headed over to the NCIS office. I left my cell phone at the front desk an

7.

Text - clicked away at his keyboard filling in a bunch of information into some form. The questions started simple, like, "What are your hobbies?" and "How are you liking your job?" The conversation continued casually with general get to know you questions for the next half an hour to hour. I remember the exact moment when the interview changed to an interrogation. After a short pause, Special Agent Smith changed his tone and asked me why I hadn't mentioned RC planes as a hobby and simultaneousl

8.

Text - university server. I was also shown printed out conversations from the RC forum where the conversations had occurred about the RC airplanes. The questions quickly changed to, "How do I feel about the president?" "How do I feel about the war?" The tone was no longer casual, and the questions became very pointed. The pointed questions continued for another 30 minutes. Special Agent Smith encouraged me to be completely honest because it would be better for me if I just told him everything. A

9.

Text - talked to your bosses, so I knew you weren't a terrorist. But, I had to go through the process anyway." I was also informed that from the original forum post about the airplane, someone had reported my username as a potential terrorist to the FBI. The FBI had tracked me down and discovered that I worked for the Navy and then turned the investigation over to NCIS. During the interrogation, I admitted to DMing two strangers and telling them I worked for the Navy. Because I had done this, Sp

10.

Text - clearance. At that particular location at the time, about the only way to get fired was to lose your security clearance. My wife and I had just discovered we were pregnant with our second child. Our first child left my wife extremely ill, and we had initially suspected she was pregnant because she was beginning to get sick again. Special Agent Smith told me that if I wasn't going to lose my security clearance, I wouldn't hear from him again. However, if there were any issues with my clear

11.

Text - By the time I left the NCIS office, my wife was panicking. I had disappeared off the face of the planet for a couple of hours and was not answering my cell phone. I returned home, and broke down in tears while I tried to explain to my poor, panicked wife what had happened. My wife and I anxiously waited for news about my clearance, trying not to tell anybody about what was happening out of fear of facing some sort of additional punishment. My wife's health continued to deteriorate with th

12.

Text - almost ended her life. Even after 4 months had passed, we still felt it hovering over us for quite some time. Through all of this, my bosses found the incident quite humorous. One of them laughingly told a group shortly after the questioning, "They asked me if I would be surprised if nothintooseahear flew a plane into a building tomorrow? I told them nothintooseahear was as American as apple pie!" While he told the group of his experience, I just cringed, fearing retribution from NCIS and

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Conservative Militia Group Prepares For Societal Collapse By Training As Hairstylists, Nail Technicians

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Training night and day in an abandoned strip mall complex, a conservative militia group has been preparing for societal collapse by training as hairstylists, nail technicians, and cosmetologists, sources confirmed Wednesday. “When the shit hits the fan, we’ll be the ones who are ready to take care of…

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GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Training night and day in an abandoned strip mall complex, a conservative militia group has been preparing for societal collapse by training as hairstylists, nail technicians, and cosmetologists, sources confirmed Wednesday. “When the shit hits the fan, we’ll be the ones who are ready to take care of…

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Twitter Thread: Declassified CIA Documents Go Full “Stranger Things”

Stranger Things just went real life. Apparently that character Eleven, off the show “Stranger Things”, isn’t so far off the reality that these declassified CIA documents illustrate. And that would be a very strange reality, indeed. A reality where people can move things across the room using their mind, as long as they’re in possession of a special instrument. Trippy. It’s like a remote changing the TV, but you can treat the room around you like it’s your living TV, or something. 

Stranger Things just went real life. Apparently that character Eleven, off the show “Stranger Things”, isn’t so far off the reality that these declassified CIA documents illustrate. And that would be a very strange reality, indeed. A reality where people can move things across the room using their mind, as long as they’re in possession of a special instrument. Trippy. It’s like a remote changing the TV, but you can treat the room around you like it’s your living TV, or something. 

1.

Text - Emma Best (Mx. Yzptlk) @NatSecGeek NEW: It took four years but I just got some newly declassified CIIA reports studying the Soviet Union's use of "black magic", telepathic mind control and "psychotronic generators" – devices they said turned people into psychics and let them move objects with their minds. #FOIA

2.

Text - Approved for Release: 2020/03/06 C00291638.. SECT NOFORN NTEICOICE April 1977 Soviet and East European Parapsychology Research BALE PRÉCIS Some recent US research suggests that it may be possible to use certain paranormal abilities for military or intelligence purposes. There are major uncertainties, however, about the extent to which such abilities exist, their reliability, and their mechanisms of operation. The practical utilization of these abilities has not yet been demonstrated concl

3.

Text - Black Magic ap be th About 1969 the Soviets reportedly established an official group in their covert program devoted to collecting information on black magic. This group, headed by D. G. Mirza, was given its own secret laboratory (M4 in the Appendix) in Moscow and was assigned the tasks of identifying, locating and evaluating the capabilities of sorcerers, witches, and the incantations used by such individuals. It is unlikely that this avenue of investigation has produced any applied para

4.

Text - 4. In 1979, Soviet parapsychology research spparently began to move svay from remote vieving and to focus extansively on behav- lor modification, subliminal uggestion and electromagnetie affects on physiologic behavior. In addition, a significant anount of study was devoted to the development of psychotronic generators used to dupliceta paychic effects. I sall handheld instruant at the Institute of Radio Electron- ics and Enginsering (TREE) in MOBCow which was able to move piecas of paper

5.

Text - Emma Best (Mx. Yzptlk) @NatSecGeek CIA originally denied the request, refusing to confirm or deny the existence of the records by citing "intelligence sources and methods" but we won't read too much into that

6.

Text - This is a final response to your 10 April 2016 Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request, received in the office of the Information and Privacy Coordinator on 11 April 2016, for "materials covering the Soviet/Russian parapsychology AKA ʻpsychotronic' programs, including behavior modification/mind control, remote viewing and non-local physics." We have assigned your request the reference number above. Please use this number when corresponding so that we can identify it easily. In accordanc

7.

Text - Emma Best (Mx. Yzptlk) @NatSecGeek It probably doesn't need to be said, but: The anezing thim; to ne is :hat sany prozinen: Jovie: seientisie appear so 1nvoivei pol1:/cally that :hey cre conterned oal; with Ihe pessitility of thuir own promotion and do no: see wiao: is coing on in ei: ovn laborelcr:es. Tneir recearch is very slemy and ofte: their 1eei ":1scoverics" are laier úisproven.

8.

Text - Emma Best (Mx. Yzptlk) @NatSecGeek "ESP investigators who are working on a project that has such [military] application very often disappear from the scene. They are not incarcerated but are evidently sent off to secret areas to continue their research." #FOIA in. Apparently sme of his funding in past years had come through the Soviet space proram. ESP research as soon as it seens to have any militery spplication. tiçntors uho diseppoar from the scene. He méntioned that the Soviets are us

9.

Text - Agaricus @agaricus "This group, headed by D.G. Mirza, was given its owns secret laboratory in Moscow and was assigned the task of identifying, locating, and evaluating the capabilities of sorcerers, witches, and the incantations used by such individuals." %3D

10.

Text - Jack C @enth dang but stephen king had his finger on the pulse of the zeitgeist in the late 70s. uncanny

11.

Text - Mr.Bumface (@ @misterbumface Replying to @NatSecGeek The Institute by Stephen King comes to life

12.

Text - enile @enile Replying to @NatSecGeek "A small hand-held instrument ... able to move pieces of paper on a table across the room from the person holding the device". Sounds like a fan!

13.

Text - Drew McKevitt @drewmckevitt I would watch the hell out of a tv show about this

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Pros And Cons Of Reopening America Before Coronavirus Pandemic Ends

The dramatic effects of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic on the U.S. economy have given rise to calls for America to restart, while critics warn that reopening America before the pandemic abates will have grave long-term consequences. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of reopening America before the coronavirus…

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The dramatic effects of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic on the U.S. economy have given rise to calls for America to restart, while critics warn that reopening America before the pandemic abates will have grave long-term consequences. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of reopening America before the coronavirus…

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Census Foot Soldiers Swarm Neighborhoods, Kick Down Doors To Tally Household Sizes

Every 10 years, platoons of armed soldiers from the U.S. Census Bureau burst through doors across the nation and count everyone living inside. Hear how the Bureau accomplishes this astonishing feat.

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Every 10 years, platoons of armed soldiers from the U.S. Census Bureau burst through doors across the nation and count everyone living inside. Hear how the Bureau accomplishes this astonishing feat.

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CDC Releases Instructions For All Americans To Make Their Own Hospitals

ATLANTA—Recommending that the nation’s populace act immediately to help stop the spread of Covid-19, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released instructions Wednesday for all Americans to make their own hospitals. “Staying safe during coronavirus can be difficult, especially when you lack access to…

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ATLANTA—Recommending that the nation’s populace act immediately to help stop the spread of Covid-19, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released instructions Wednesday for all Americans to make their own hospitals. “Staying safe during coronavirus can be difficult, especially when you lack access to…

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American Explains Why Americans Still Complain About America

Many Americans still feel like they’re trapped in a system that they have no control over, even though they’re told they live in the greatest, most free nation in the history of ever. It may come as a surprise to some that the United States isn’t the only country where its citizens are told that they live in the greatest country on the planet. For some outside perspective, here are some American problems people are too European to understand.

Many Americans still feel like they’re trapped in a system that they have no control over, even though they’re told they live in the greatest, most free nation in the history of ever. It may come as a surprise to some that the United States isn’t the only country where its citizens are told that they live in the greatest country on the planet. For some outside perspective, here are some American problems people are too European to understand.

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The Government Wants Us To Work From Home In These Dank Memes

In the thick of the coronavirus pandemic here in the United States, several states have implemented what’s known as a “shelter in place,” where all nonessential businesses must shut down and people must stay in their homes except for tasks like going out to get groceries or medications. 

While this all royally sucks, we’re enjoying the memes that have popped up that make fun of the government telling people to work from home in light of all the lockdowns.

In the thick of the coronavirus pandemic here in the United States, several states have implemented what’s known as a “shelter in place,” where all nonessential businesses must shut down and people must stay in their homes except for tasks like going out to get groceries or medications. 

While this all royally sucks, we’re enjoying the memes that have popped up that make fun of the government telling people to work from home in light of all the lockdowns.

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CDC Advises Americans To Protect Against Coronavirus By Piling Into This Here Tub For A Scrubbin’

ATLANTA—Reckoning that the new measure was a “mighty powerful way” to prevent the spread of the infectious disease, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention advised Americans Monday to protect against the coronavirus by piling into this here tub for a good scrubbin’. “Now listen up—we’re gonna need each and…

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Illustration for article titled CDC Advises Americans To Protect Against Coronavirus By Piling Into This Here Tub For A Scrubbin’

ATLANTA—Reckoning that the new measure was a “mighty powerful way” to prevent the spread of the infectious disease, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention advised Americans Monday to protect against the coronavirus by piling into this here tub for a good scrubbin’. “Now listen up—we’re gonna need each and every one of y’all to come on down here to the Peach State and let one of our trained health officials give you a good old-fashioned scrub down with a strong horse-bristled brush,” said CDC director Robert Redfield, wearing an apron as he heated up another tea kettle of hot water to pour into the large metal tub outside CDC headquarters in anticipation of scouring the pesky Covid-19 germs out of all 325 million Americans over the next few days. “We’ve got to act strong and quick if we want to beat this coronavirus thing, which is why the CDC is urging all Americans to drop whatever they’re doing and hop in. Don’t be shy, okay? Take off your britches and set ‘em over yonder. Make sure you really wash up every nook and cranny. We’ll get you nice and sudsy with a bar of lye soap we purchased from the general store, then I’ll dump a bucket of warm water over you and we’ll keep scrubin’ you something fierce till you’re healthy as a newborn babe. After that, we’ll give y’all a spell with the big communal towel to pat yourselves dry.” The CDC also advised all Americans to further inoculate themselves from the coronavirus by giving all their garments and linen a fearsome scrubbin’ on a washboard in the Chattahoochee River.

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Pros And Cons Of Abolishing The Senate

Established by Article 1 of the U.S. Constitution and first convened in 1789, the Senate has served as the upper chamber of Congress, but as America has grown and populations have shifted, its continued existence as a chamber that gives every state an equal number of representatives has come under scrutiny. The Onion

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Established by Article 1 of the U.S. Constitution and first convened in 1789, the Senate has served as the upper chamber of Congress, but as America has grown and populations have shifted, its continued existence as a chamber that gives every state an equal number of representatives has come under scrutiny. The Onion takes a look at the pros and cons of abolishing the Senate.


PRO

Founders devised Senate several generations before anyone could have even conceived of Oklahoma

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Haven’t abolished anything in a while

Senate building could make for some nice new downtown lofts

Could lead to formation of fun new legislative body with cool name like The Assembly or The Council of Elders


CON

Senate serves as a safety valve in case democracy functioning too well

Would be mean after Founding Fathers put so much work into it

Kind of terrifying to think about what Mitch McConnell would get up to in private sector

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Derails career track for children of current senators 

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Funny Times January 2020 Issue

Cartoons about Drinking . New Year’s Resolutions . Entertaining . Work . History . Language . Dogs . and more! Buy This Issue With cartoons by: Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Martin Bucella, Jon Carter, Dave Coverly, George Danby, J.C. Duffy, Steve Greenberg, Buddy Hickerson, Scott Hilburn, Jeff Hobbs, Cameron Harvey, Randy Klutts, Keith Knight, L.J. Kopf, Peter Kuper, …[ Read More ]

Cartoons about Drinking . New Year’s Resolutions . Entertaining . Work . History . Language . Dogs . and more!

With cartoons by: Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Martin Bucella, Jon Carter, Dave Coverly, George Danby, J.C. Duffy, Steve Greenberg, Buddy Hickerson, Scott Hilburn, Jeff Hobbs, Cameron Harvey, Randy Klutts, Keith Knight, L.J. Kopf, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Liniers, Bill Mannetti, Scott Masear, Heather McAdams, Brian McFadden, Steve McGinn, P.S. Mueller, Drew Panckeri, Mark Parisi, Joel Pett, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Graham Sale, Cristina Sampaio, Jim Shoenbill, Jen Sorensen, David Sporrong, Mark Stivers, Ward Sutton, Tom Tomorrow, Brad Veley, P.C. Vey, Bill Whitehead, Chris Wildt, Matt Wuerker, Zippy  . . .  and lots more!
When I’m 64
By Raymond Lesser

The Borowitz Report
By Andy Borowitz

My Resolutions For You
By Roz warren

Our Great National Divide
By Gretchen Volk

Tim’s Home Office News
By Tim Jones

GOP Thinking About Preparing To Consider A Ban
By Chris Hume

Confessions of A White Male
By Jack Compere

Glossary For A New Political Age
By Janet Periat

The Fifth Wheel
By Laura Boggs

The Rise Of The Dog
By Greg Schwem

Dying To Have A Clean Garage
By Bill Spencer

Driving By Houses In Cars
By Andrew Knott

FUQs: Frequently Unasked Questions
By Swami Beyondananda

PLUS:

Cartoons about Drinking At The Bar
Curmudgeon on Government
Dave Maleckar’s 100 Word Rant
News Of The Weird
Harper’s Index
Cartoons about History
News & Political Cartoons

More Funny Stuff …

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Sonny Perdue Argues Food Stamp Cuts Will Incentivize People To Get Exploitative Jobs That Won’t Exist In 5 Years

WASHINGTON—Responding to the criticism surrounding the Trump administration’s recent decision to tighten restrictions on supplemental nutrition eligibility, Secretary of Agriculture Sonny Perdue argued Thursday that the food stamp cuts will incentivize people to go out and get exploitative jobs that won’t exist in…

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WASHINGTON—Responding to the criticism surrounding the Trump administration’s recent decision to tighten restrictions on supplemental nutrition eligibility, Secretary of Agriculture Sonny Perdue argued Thursday that the food stamp cuts will incentivize people to go out and get exploitative jobs that won’t exist in five years. “Look, these cuts are not about kicking people off the food stamp rolls, but encouraging them to get off the couch and start looking for thankless, backbreaking work that will be rendered obsolete by either automation or outsourcing by 2025,” said Perdue, adding that the administration’s goal wasn’t to prevent Americans from affording food, but to create an empowering situation where U.S. citizens could barely have the means for sustenance because their degrading, short-term job, with severe physical and emotional hazards, forces them to work overtime without extra pay. “We are hoping the new directive will serve as a gentle nudge for Americans to take their lives into their own hands by signing up for one, two, or even three demanding jobs from a hellish megacorporation that only cares about their bottom line. People shouldn’t be relying on the government for free food, especially in this current Trump economy—there are tons of available positions that will push the boundaries of their physical and mental health, as well as significantly decrease their life expectancy, all in exchange for a meager subsistence that robs them and their families of their dignity.” Perdue also added that the new rules would work in tandem with the proposed cuts to Medicare, which the administration has argued will incentivize unemployed people to take up jobs that offer inhumane health care plans that don’t cover essential services.

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‘FBI Agent’ Memes Serve As A Reminder That We’re Being Watched

In case you were in the mood to feel a little more unsettled than you already were, here are twenty dank memes to remind you that literally every single one of us is being watched at every second of every day. Now browse through the memes and have fun sleeping tonight!

In case you were in the mood to feel a little more unsettled than you already were, here are twenty dank memes to remind you that literally every single one of us is being watched at every second of every day. Now browse through the memes and have fun sleeping tonight!

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Pros And Cons Of Whistleblowing

A government whistleblower who revealed President Trump discussed investigating the family of political rival Joe Biden with the president of Ukraine has put a spotlight on the controversial practice of whistleblowing, which reveals misdeeds not only in government but in businesses and other organizations. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of whistleblowing.


PRO

Better term for an adult than “tattletale.”

Get to be famous prisoner.

Receive heartfelt thanks of at least half a grateful nation.

Opportunity to see parts of world that don’t have extradition agreements with America.

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Increasingly a growth industry.


CON

Ruins it for everyone.

Annual performance review going to be super awkward.

Hard to strike right balance between drawing a line and being okay with every terrible thing up to this point.

Requires moral compass.

Could use that same information as blackmail.

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Trump Flees Government Oppression By Relocating Administration To Remote Cabin Compound In Mountains Of Idaho

PRAIRIE, ID—Trading the White House for a few small buildings in a remote wooded area only accessible by ATV, the Trump administration has fled government persecution and retreated to an off-the-grid cabin compound in the Idaho mountains, sources confirmed Friday. “This is the way Americans were meant to live,” President Trump reportedly said as he looked out across the isolated encampment and used tactical hand signals to communicate with his acting chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney, who manned a sniper post in a nearby pine tree. “As a sovereign citizen, I am not subject to government authority, and it is only here in these hills that I can truly be free. We generate our own electricity, and my aides set up this whole system for collecting and purifying water. Out here, if the feds try to trample my freedoms, they’re more likely to tread on one of our tripwire explosives or spring-loaded bear traps.” Later, as he patted a 12-gauge pump-action shotgun, the 45th president of the United States was overheard saying that anyone who trespassed on his property to enforce a subpoena would “have to get past this baby first.”

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FDA Moves To Ban All Flavored Jolly Ranchers

WASHINGTON—Amid a recent spike in mysterious confection-related deaths, the Food and Drug Administration announced Monday its plan to ban all flavored Jolly Ranchers, allowing only the original flavorless variety to remain on shelves across the nation. “These hard candies are only suitable for consumption by adults, but with flavors like blue raspberry, cherry, watermelon, grape, and green apple, the manufacturer is clearly attempting to target children,” said FDA spokesperson Monica Peters, who added that by removing all sweet and sour variations, including chewable Jolly Rancher gummies and jelly beans, the agency hopes to significantly reduce the number of Americans who go on to develop a lifelong candy habit. “Studies have shown the majority of people who eat Jolly Ranchers are under 18, meaning the parts of their brains that handle higher-level decision-making functions are not yet fully developed. The last thing anyone needs at this age is to be bombarded by so many delicious flavors. We still don’t know exactly how Jolly Ranchers affect long-term cognitive development, but we do know they can lead to dependence on even harder candies, such as jawbreakers or Atomic Fireballs.” Peters went on to note that the Drug Enforcement Administration continues to classify the hot “cinnamon fire” flavor of Jolly Ranchers as a Schedule 1 controlled substance, possession of which constitutes a felony in all 50 states.

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Excited CDC Employees Begin Decorating For Flu Season

ATLANTA—Adorning their headquarters with wreaths of vomitous greens, cyanotic purple bunting, and jolly, glittering papier-mâché viruses, researchers and clinicians at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention began putting up decorations Thursday for the 2019 influenza season. “Coming to work is fun this time of year because someone always brings in warm, gooey mucus cookies and glasses of yummy phlegm-nog,” said cancer-prevention researcher Dr. Sarah McCall, who bopped along to the employee-compiled Spotify playlist “Nausea, Aches, and Chills” while affixing an infected construction-paper lung to her door. “I can’t wait for the manufacturer-filled-syringe exchange party. They’re always so fun, with everyone wearing their most festive masks and medical gloves. You can almost feel the respiratory droplets in the air!” An official press release from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention emphasizes that the spirit of flu season is highly contagious and that anyone experiencing sore throat, nasal drainage, headache, fever, and fatigue should stay away from all celebrations.

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‘Storm Area 51’ Is FINALLY Here (21 Dank Memes)

We can’t believe it – “Storm Area 51” is finally here. What started out as an extremely stupid internet joke seems to be turning out somewhat serious. 

Thousands of people are reportedly set to travel to towns outside of the secretive US research base in hopes of finding aliens and other juicy government secrets.

And in case you’re thinking that absolutely nothing is going to happen, as of yesterday people from all over the world have gathered in neighboring Nevada towns Rachel and Hiko to set up camp.

But unfortunately for all the excited Naruto runners and Kyles out there, the US government has ramped up its security and plans to arrest and fine trespassers $1,000.

Regardless of what actually happens, we’re fricken stoked to see the memes that come out of this whole ridiculous thing.

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Eighteen Climate Change Memes Chock-Full Of Bleak Humor

In case you were in the mood for a little dark and depressing humor, you’ve come to the right place! In light of the Global Climate Strike happening today, we’re bringing you some climate change-related memes that probably won’t give you any hope for our dying planet! On that note, please enjoy the memes!

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Guy Does Math On How Strong Officials Say Weed Is Now

Every few years, government officials and experts come out and try to say how weed is 10 or 20 times stronger than it was a few years ago. Even using some grade school math, we’re left with pretty astronomical figures on how potent weed is supposed to be. Activist and author  Dana Larsen put together a short thread on how strong it would have to be today if everyone had been telling the truth.

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CDC Investigating As Third Teen Ends Up Dead After Wandering Into Mysterious Cloud Of Vape Mist

ATLANTA—In an effort to glean more information on the continuing epidemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reportedly launched an investigation Friday as a third teen showed up dead after wandering into the mysterious cloud of vape mist that’s been spreading across the country. “It’s too early to definitively link these deaths to the impenetrable shroud of e-cigarette vapor engulfing the nation, but the fact that multiple teens have been swallowed by the mist only to be discovered days later with their skin flayed and eyes oozing blood is a concerning sign,” said CDC director Robert Redfield, urging Americans who were considering entering the opaque, tutti-frutti-scented fog to do so with extreme caution until more evidence could be collected. “We have yet to determine whether it’s some quality of the mist itself that’s causing these deaths, or if there’s an unspeakable horror lurking within. I should also stress that numerous teenagers who have entered the mist have displayed no physical symptoms, though their time in the vape cloud does usually leave them mumbling incoherently or attempting to grab a police officer’s pistol and shoot themselves in the head to silence the demons.” At press time, Redfield noted that the investigation remained inconclusive after sending wave upon wave of researchers into the mist only for them to disappear forever. 

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