Pros And Cons Of Abolishing The Senate

Established by Article 1 of the U.S. Constitution and first convened in 1789, the Senate has served as the upper chamber of Congress, but as America has grown and populations have shifted, its continued existence as a chamber that gives every state an equal number of representatives has come under scrutiny. The Onion

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Established by Article 1 of the U.S. Constitution and first convened in 1789, the Senate has served as the upper chamber of Congress, but as America has grown and populations have shifted, its continued existence as a chamber that gives every state an equal number of representatives has come under scrutiny. The Onion takes a look at the pros and cons of abolishing the Senate.


PRO

Founders devised Senate several generations before anyone could have even conceived of Oklahoma

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Haven’t abolished anything in a while

Senate building could make for some nice new downtown lofts

Could lead to formation of fun new legislative body with cool name like The Assembly or The Council of Elders


CON

Senate serves as a safety valve in case democracy functioning too well

Would be mean after Founding Fathers put so much work into it

Kind of terrifying to think about what Mitch McConnell would get up to in private sector

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Derails career track for children of current senators 

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Funny Times January 2020 Issue

Cartoons about Drinking . New Year’s Resolutions . Entertaining . Work . History . Language . Dogs . and more! Buy This Issue With cartoons by: Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Martin Bucella, Jon Carter, Dave Coverly, George Danby, J.C. Duffy, Steve Greenberg, Buddy Hickerson, Scott Hilburn, Jeff Hobbs, Cameron Harvey, Randy Klutts, Keith Knight, L.J. Kopf, Peter Kuper, …[ Read More ]

Cartoons about Drinking . New Year’s Resolutions . Entertaining . Work . History . Language . Dogs . and more!

With cartoons by: Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Martin Bucella, Jon Carter, Dave Coverly, George Danby, J.C. Duffy, Steve Greenberg, Buddy Hickerson, Scott Hilburn, Jeff Hobbs, Cameron Harvey, Randy Klutts, Keith Knight, L.J. Kopf, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Liniers, Bill Mannetti, Scott Masear, Heather McAdams, Brian McFadden, Steve McGinn, P.S. Mueller, Drew Panckeri, Mark Parisi, Joel Pett, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Graham Sale, Cristina Sampaio, Jim Shoenbill, Jen Sorensen, David Sporrong, Mark Stivers, Ward Sutton, Tom Tomorrow, Brad Veley, P.C. Vey, Bill Whitehead, Chris Wildt, Matt Wuerker, Zippy  . . .  and lots more!
When I’m 64
By Raymond Lesser

The Borowitz Report
By Andy Borowitz

My Resolutions For You
By Roz warren

Our Great National Divide
By Gretchen Volk

Tim’s Home Office News
By Tim Jones

GOP Thinking About Preparing To Consider A Ban
By Chris Hume

Confessions of A White Male
By Jack Compere

Glossary For A New Political Age
By Janet Periat

The Fifth Wheel
By Laura Boggs

The Rise Of The Dog
By Greg Schwem

Dying To Have A Clean Garage
By Bill Spencer

Driving By Houses In Cars
By Andrew Knott

FUQs: Frequently Unasked Questions
By Swami Beyondananda

PLUS:

Cartoons about Drinking At The Bar
Curmudgeon on Government
Dave Maleckar’s 100 Word Rant
News Of The Weird
Harper’s Index
Cartoons about History
News & Political Cartoons

More Funny Stuff …

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Sonny Perdue Argues Food Stamp Cuts Will Incentivize People To Get Exploitative Jobs That Won’t Exist In 5 Years

WASHINGTON—Responding to the criticism surrounding the Trump administration’s recent decision to tighten restrictions on supplemental nutrition eligibility, Secretary of Agriculture Sonny Perdue argued Thursday that the food stamp cuts will incentivize people to go out and get exploitative jobs that won’t exist in…

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WASHINGTON—Responding to the criticism surrounding the Trump administration’s recent decision to tighten restrictions on supplemental nutrition eligibility, Secretary of Agriculture Sonny Perdue argued Thursday that the food stamp cuts will incentivize people to go out and get exploitative jobs that won’t exist in five years. “Look, these cuts are not about kicking people off the food stamp rolls, but encouraging them to get off the couch and start looking for thankless, backbreaking work that will be rendered obsolete by either automation or outsourcing by 2025,” said Perdue, adding that the administration’s goal wasn’t to prevent Americans from affording food, but to create an empowering situation where U.S. citizens could barely have the means for sustenance because their degrading, short-term job, with severe physical and emotional hazards, forces them to work overtime without extra pay. “We are hoping the new directive will serve as a gentle nudge for Americans to take their lives into their own hands by signing up for one, two, or even three demanding jobs from a hellish megacorporation that only cares about their bottom line. People shouldn’t be relying on the government for free food, especially in this current Trump economy—there are tons of available positions that will push the boundaries of their physical and mental health, as well as significantly decrease their life expectancy, all in exchange for a meager subsistence that robs them and their families of their dignity.” Perdue also added that the new rules would work in tandem with the proposed cuts to Medicare, which the administration has argued will incentivize unemployed people to take up jobs that offer inhumane health care plans that don’t cover essential services.

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‘FBI Agent’ Memes Serve As A Reminder That We’re Being Watched

In case you were in the mood to feel a little more unsettled than you already were, here are twenty dank memes to remind you that literally every single one of us is being watched at every second of every day. Now browse through the memes and have fun sleeping tonight!

In case you were in the mood to feel a little more unsettled than you already were, here are twenty dank memes to remind you that literally every single one of us is being watched at every second of every day. Now browse through the memes and have fun sleeping tonight!

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Pros And Cons Of Whistleblowing

A government whistleblower who revealed President Trump discussed investigating the family of political rival Joe Biden with the president of Ukraine has put a spotlight on the controversial practice of whistleblowing, which reveals misdeeds not only in government but in businesses and other organizations. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of whistleblowing.


PRO

Better term for an adult than “tattletale.”

Get to be famous prisoner.

Receive heartfelt thanks of at least half a grateful nation.

Opportunity to see parts of world that don’t have extradition agreements with America.

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Increasingly a growth industry.


CON

Ruins it for everyone.

Annual performance review going to be super awkward.

Hard to strike right balance between drawing a line and being okay with every terrible thing up to this point.

Requires moral compass.

Could use that same information as blackmail.

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Trump Flees Government Oppression By Relocating Administration To Remote Cabin Compound In Mountains Of Idaho

PRAIRIE, ID—Trading the White House for a few small buildings in a remote wooded area only accessible by ATV, the Trump administration has fled government persecution and retreated to an off-the-grid cabin compound in the Idaho mountains, sources confirmed Friday. “This is the way Americans were meant to live,” President Trump reportedly said as he looked out across the isolated encampment and used tactical hand signals to communicate with his acting chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney, who manned a sniper post in a nearby pine tree. “As a sovereign citizen, I am not subject to government authority, and it is only here in these hills that I can truly be free. We generate our own electricity, and my aides set up this whole system for collecting and purifying water. Out here, if the feds try to trample my freedoms, they’re more likely to tread on one of our tripwire explosives or spring-loaded bear traps.” Later, as he patted a 12-gauge pump-action shotgun, the 45th president of the United States was overheard saying that anyone who trespassed on his property to enforce a subpoena would “have to get past this baby first.”

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FDA Moves To Ban All Flavored Jolly Ranchers

WASHINGTON—Amid a recent spike in mysterious confection-related deaths, the Food and Drug Administration announced Monday its plan to ban all flavored Jolly Ranchers, allowing only the original flavorless variety to remain on shelves across the nation. “These hard candies are only suitable for consumption by adults, but with flavors like blue raspberry, cherry, watermelon, grape, and green apple, the manufacturer is clearly attempting to target children,” said FDA spokesperson Monica Peters, who added that by removing all sweet and sour variations, including chewable Jolly Rancher gummies and jelly beans, the agency hopes to significantly reduce the number of Americans who go on to develop a lifelong candy habit. “Studies have shown the majority of people who eat Jolly Ranchers are under 18, meaning the parts of their brains that handle higher-level decision-making functions are not yet fully developed. The last thing anyone needs at this age is to be bombarded by so many delicious flavors. We still don’t know exactly how Jolly Ranchers affect long-term cognitive development, but we do know they can lead to dependence on even harder candies, such as jawbreakers or Atomic Fireballs.” Peters went on to note that the Drug Enforcement Administration continues to classify the hot “cinnamon fire” flavor of Jolly Ranchers as a Schedule 1 controlled substance, possession of which constitutes a felony in all 50 states.

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Excited CDC Employees Begin Decorating For Flu Season

ATLANTA—Adorning their headquarters with wreaths of vomitous greens, cyanotic purple bunting, and jolly, glittering papier-mâché viruses, researchers and clinicians at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention began putting up decorations Thursday for the 2019 influenza season. “Coming to work is fun this time of year because someone always brings in warm, gooey mucus cookies and glasses of yummy phlegm-nog,” said cancer-prevention researcher Dr. Sarah McCall, who bopped along to the employee-compiled Spotify playlist “Nausea, Aches, and Chills” while affixing an infected construction-paper lung to her door. “I can’t wait for the manufacturer-filled-syringe exchange party. They’re always so fun, with everyone wearing their most festive masks and medical gloves. You can almost feel the respiratory droplets in the air!” An official press release from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention emphasizes that the spirit of flu season is highly contagious and that anyone experiencing sore throat, nasal drainage, headache, fever, and fatigue should stay away from all celebrations.

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‘Storm Area 51’ Is FINALLY Here (21 Dank Memes)

We can’t believe it – “Storm Area 51” is finally here. What started out as an extremely stupid internet joke seems to be turning out somewhat serious. 

Thousands of people are reportedly set to travel to towns outside of the secretive US research base in hopes of finding aliens and other juicy government secrets.

And in case you’re thinking that absolutely nothing is going to happen, as of yesterday people from all over the world have gathered in neighboring Nevada towns Rachel and Hiko to set up camp.

But unfortunately for all the excited Naruto runners and Kyles out there, the US government has ramped up its security and plans to arrest and fine trespassers $1,000.

Regardless of what actually happens, we’re fricken stoked to see the memes that come out of this whole ridiculous thing.

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Eighteen Climate Change Memes Chock-Full Of Bleak Humor

In case you were in the mood for a little dark and depressing humor, you’ve come to the right place! In light of the Global Climate Strike happening today, we’re bringing you some climate change-related memes that probably won’t give you any hope for our dying planet! On that note, please enjoy the memes!

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Guy Does Math On How Strong Officials Say Weed Is Now

Every few years, government officials and experts come out and try to say how weed is 10 or 20 times stronger than it was a few years ago. Even using some grade school math, we’re left with pretty astronomical figures on how potent weed is supposed to be. Activist and author  Dana Larsen put together a short thread on how strong it would have to be today if everyone had been telling the truth.

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CDC Investigating As Third Teen Ends Up Dead After Wandering Into Mysterious Cloud Of Vape Mist

ATLANTA—In an effort to glean more information on the continuing epidemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reportedly launched an investigation Friday as a third teen showed up dead after wandering into the mysterious cloud of vape mist that’s been spreading across the country. “It’s too early to definitively link these deaths to the impenetrable shroud of e-cigarette vapor engulfing the nation, but the fact that multiple teens have been swallowed by the mist only to be discovered days later with their skin flayed and eyes oozing blood is a concerning sign,” said CDC director Robert Redfield, urging Americans who were considering entering the opaque, tutti-frutti-scented fog to do so with extreme caution until more evidence could be collected. “We have yet to determine whether it’s some quality of the mist itself that’s causing these deaths, or if there’s an unspeakable horror lurking within. I should also stress that numerous teenagers who have entered the mist have displayed no physical symptoms, though their time in the vape cloud does usually leave them mumbling incoherently or attempting to grab a police officer’s pistol and shoot themselves in the head to silence the demons.” At press time, Redfield noted that the investigation remained inconclusive after sending wave upon wave of researchers into the mist only for them to disappear forever. 

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