“Humans, HUMANS. I can’t believe you **** humans!”
Submitted by: (via Ninja Panda)
Recently it was announced that the Asian giant hornet, otherwise known as the “murder hornet” had been spotted in North America for the first time earlier this month. While many of us have been downright panicking over it, others have been doing their research, like this woman, who decided to draft up a Facebook post of the misconceptions about our new little yellow friend. We hope it puts your mind a little more at ease!
Is anyone even phased by anything anymore? At this point, news could break that an asteroid is barreling toward planet earth and literally no one would bat an eye. It seems that May’s little “surprise” for us is the Asian giant hornet, or as it’s more commonly being referred to, the “murder hornet” that was spotted in North America for the first time just a few months ago. Luckily these guys typically aren’t aggressive toward humans, but they are known to decapitate honey bees with their horrifyingly large claws. On the bright side, perhaps this will encourage people to stay inside so we can tackle the pandemic going on? Thanks 2020!
— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) May 3, 2020
Ah, Australia: the land of British prisoners and silly accents. In case you needed another reason to never ever go there, here are 29 horrifying pictures of nightmarish animals. Alas, these things are real and if they don’t phase you at all then you may or may not be some sort of psycho.
Honestly this wasn’t something we’d ever think about, but the fact that someone is this passionate about ant emojis makes you think “of course someone would notice this and have an incredibly precise opinion on it.” Here are some really funny reviews of various animals themselves.
Why is it always the “mommy” types who seem like the most entitled, rude people? Being a mom doesn’t automatically mean you get handed things in life for free. Granted, who knows whether this lady is actually a single mom like she claims.
Regardless, her insufferable demeanor provides for the best kind of schadenfreude!
Whether you’re an aspiring entrepreneur or a successful CEO, you can probably glean some business wisdom from this new genius marketing strategy from a kitchen-goods giant: PAM is now advertising their cooking spray as a bug spray, too, after realizing that anything you spray at a bug long enough is probably gonna kill the thing.
Brilliant move, PAM!
PAM’s bold new advertising strategy postulates that if you really soak a pesky insect with cooking oil, it’ll most likely die, making PAM an awesome, dual-use product for both greasing pans and dealing with unwanted pests. “We figure that most bugs will drown or suffocate or get too slippery to move or something if you spray them with enough of a liquid like PAM, so, why not—we’re a bug spray now too,” said a company spokeswoman at a recent press conference. “We hope that shoppers will look to the iconic PAM bottle not just as a food prep tool, but also as something that will definitely mess with an insect’s antennae or mandibles or pheromones or whatever in a pretty significant way, and thus most likely kill it.”
“To be clear, PAM is still in no way poisonous,” the spokeswoman continued. “It’s just something wet you can spray a bug with.”
Yep, we have a feeling this is going to be great for sales. Whoever came up with this new marketing plan deserves a raise!
The innovative new campaign includes a TV spot that depicts a mom using PAM to coat a baking tin before spying an enormous centipede walking across her counter and squirting it with oil until it stops moving. The shot is followed by a narrator reciting the company’s new slogan: “PAM: There’s no way that’s not gonna kill it.” PAM has also updated the imagery on their canisters to include not only fried eggs and baked goods, but also a big, grease-covered beetle laying on its back—and they’ve had the bottles added to pest control aisles of grocery stores around the country in addition to their typical spot among the baking goods.
Wow! What a bold move. There are definitely some marketing geniuses over at the PAM offices. It’s not always easy to stay afloat in the grocery products industry, but it’s original thinking like this that keeps PAM at the head of the pack. Bravo, PAM!
A fun fact about bumble bees for you: there are more than 255 species of bee, the largest being the queen of the Bombus dahlbomii species, which can grow up to 1.6 inches! They reside in the forests of southern South America and have even been referred to as “flying mice” for their insane size! We think bumble bees are fricken adorable, but no thanks on that one!
Studying nature has long provided humanity with insights into how to better adapt to our world, and now experts believe that a secret to improving our everyday lives may very well be perched on a tree in your backyard: Scientists are optimistic that researching woodpeckers could completely revolutionize the way we bash trees apart with our heads to find bugs.
Wow! This could be huge!
Following preliminary research into the anatomy and biomechanics of woodpeckers, scientists at Cornell University say they are confident that further analysis of these birds could radically improve how we apply blunt force to trees with our skulls to locate insects, thus providing us with smarter, more efficient strategies for reducing timber to splinters while minimizing the resultant brain trauma. Conventional wisdom has long dictated that the best way to procure locusts from a tree is to slam one’s face against the bark with unhindered energy until bloody and marbled, but the researchers say they’re becoming increasingly convinced that the woodpeckers’ technique, which favors precision over belligerent thrashing, could yield far superior results.
“Woodpeckers have more than 25 million years of practice breaking apart trees with their heads, and we’re realizing we can probably learn a thing or two from them,” said neurobiologist Katherine Layfield, the study’s lead researcher. “Woodpeckers slam their heads against trees with 10 times the force of an NFL hit, yet you never see them becoming concussed to the point of shitting their pants like humans so often do when head-butting trees. You never see them screaming in agony and breaking their teeth as they futilely smash their faces against trees for hours on end, failing to coax out a single bug as their facial features become swollen beyond recognition. This is partly due to certain protective evolutionary adaptations they’ve developed, but we’re also finding that there are methods to their madness that could prove useful to humans.”
“For example, instead of yelling, ‘I’m about to bash the living shit out of you, bugs,” and charging headfirst into a tree in a way that dangerously distributes the force into the soft part of your skull and spine, you could instead take cues from woodpeckers and employ rapid, low-impact head-butts so that your neck muscles absorb most of the force,” she continued. “That way, you won’t knock yourself unconscious before you get to all the bugs.”
Layfield says that, according to her team’s estimates, emulating the head-banging mechanics of woodpeckers could result in a 500% higher bug return for humans while exponentially reducing debilitating brain injuries. And humans can also use technology to mimic certain useful evolutionary traits of woodpeckers, such as their large, cushion-like tongues, whose force-absorbing properties could be reproduced by simply stuffing a sneaker in one’s mouth before slamming one’s head against a tree.
While the researchers have still barely scratched the surface on all we can learn from woodpeckers, we’re nonetheless excited to see what these peculiar little birds will teach us about effective tree-bashing in years to come. Look, out, bugs—your days are numbered!