Inclusivity Win! This White Girl Vacationing With Her Friends In The Caribbean Just Posted A Group Photo Featuring A Local Resort Employee With The Caption ‘Our New Friend Lol’

Society still has a long way to go when it comes to diversity, but this amazing story proves that a more accepting world really is possible: This white girl vacationing with her friends in the Caribbean just posted a group photo featuring a local resort employee with the caption “Our new friend lol.”

So much yes!

Twenty-one year-old Marissa Schwartz just made an awesome gesture of inclusivity by Instagramming a group photo of her sorority sisters posing with one of the servers at the Radisson Aquatica Resort in Barbados where they’re vacationing, adding the caption “Our new friend lol” at the bottom of the post. Although the 35-year-old Barbadian employee was initially reluctant to pose for the photograph and insisted that he was busy, gesturing to the multiple dirty plates in his arms that he had to return to the kitchen, Marissa and her friends made him feel comfortable by assuring him that they were obsessed with him and that he was their best friend ever. And from the big smile on his face in the photo, it’s clear that the group of white girls gleefully grinning and pointing at the name tag on his work uniform reading “Matthew” totally made him feel included despite their different backgrounds.

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Truly amazing. It’s beautiful that these young people have made cross-cultural exchange such a priority in their lives.

While some people might travel to another country and still only talk to people who look like themselves, Marissa and her friends are setting an awesome example of the types of powerful connections you can form if you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone to drunkenly shove your iPhone into a stranger’s hands and yell “get a picture!” as you huddle around the man who just brought you a round of daiquiris. Comments under Marissa’s photo like “omg matthewwwwww loooved us lol<3” and “we were his faves!!” prove that the awesome group truly made an impact on Matthew—and it seems like he definitely made a positive impact on them, too, as he can be seen accepting their request to teach them some common Barbadian slang words in Marissa’s Instagram stories posted later the same night.

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Absolutely amazing. Everyone could learn a thing or two from Marissa’s ability to make new friends in a foreign place, no matter what they look like or what job they’re being distracted from. What an incredible win for inclusivity!

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ICE Opens Interdimensional Detention Center To Indefinitely Imprison Immigrants Across Infinite Number Of Multiverses

BRANE MULTIVERSE 378-C—In an effort to better comply with recent moves to abolish limits on migrant detention, ICE officials announced Thursday that they planned to open an interdimensional detention center to indefinitely imprison migrants across an infinite number of multiverses. “With our new hyperspace-based detention center, we’ll be able to adhere to new White House policies by confining migrants in an endless number of variations of possible universes where earthly concepts such as ‘time’ and ‘eternity’ cease to have any meaning,” said ICE acting director Matthew Albence from the newly built detention center, adding that bending spacetime upon itself would expand the agency’s capacity to 700 vigintillion detainment cells while allowing them to hold asylum-seekers without trial in relativistic stasis for expanses of time eclipsing any experienced in the known universe. “The important thing is that we use tools such as hyperdimensional chambers to ease crowding in a humane way, such as by causing unlawful immigrants to simply vanish into an ultra-dense black hole from which no matter or light can ever return.” At press time, Albence confirmed that the agency was also exploring using quantum entanglement to allow for them to simultaneous reunite and separate immigrant families an endless number of times along parallel timelines.

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Remembering What It’s Like To Be A Kid

I forgot what it was like to be a kid until I had kids of my own, and then I was too busy trying to figure out how to keep from going insane. But now that I’m a grandparent, I often have the luxury of just observing the kids, knowing that after a few hours of babysitting I’ll be able to leave them for their parents to deal with for the rest of their lives. Here are a few things I’ve found out recently:

A two-year-old will spit food he doesn’t like into his hand and then fling it onto the floor. This is OK if you happen to have a handy dog-model floor cleaner waiting patiently underneath the table. However, the dog may only serve to encourage the two-year-old, who will then continue feeding her scraps off his plate, or the central platter, until either all the food is gone or Grandpa returns from a bathroom break.

A four-year-old will know how to use the potty and also how to wash his hands afterwards. He loves to wash his hands so much that sometimes he leaves the water running. When Grandpa goes to check on the running water, he finds the boy still in the middle of washing his hands, which are completely covered with soap lather that he proudly displays before wiping them onto Grandpa’s shirt.

A four-year-old will pick up every rock in the rock garden and put them, load by load, into the dump truck part of his tricycle, cart it over to the middle of the driveway, and dump it out. When it is time to clean up he will run into the house, find the box of crackers, and proceed to eat them all (or feed them to the dog) while Grandpa painstakingly picks up all the rocks and puts them back into the rock garden.

A two-year-old will take off all his clothes when it is bath time and run around the house avoiding being caught until Grandpa finally decides to give up and attempts bribery. But rather than being enticed by the possibility of a special rubber ducky in the bathtub, the two-year-old would rather find his grandmother’s stash of perfumes and empty them all out onto the carpet.

A two-year-old who is momentarily left in the front seat of the car pretending to drive while Grandpa runs inside to get his coffee cup, will find the parking meter change box and start dropping coins one by one into the CD slot on the dashboard. Grandpa won’t find out this happened until a few days later when the dash starts smoking and appears on the verge of blowing up, and then the whole car stops working as one of the coins somehow manages to short out the electrical system.

A two-year-old, channeling his inner Banksy, will discover a lost marker behind the couch and proceed to tag the couch along with every wall in the living room in the time it takes his grandmother to switch the laundry.

A four-year-old will push a chair to where the stuff he’s not supposed to reach is kept, climb up on it, and stuff his face with so many cookies that he won’t even want to try to eat a piece of his brother’s birthday cake eight hours later.

A four-year-old will take spices and other things out of the cupboard — like baking soda, vinegar, molasses, tamari, habanero hot sauce, flour, sugar, and chocolate chips — and mix them all together in the manner of a mad scientist. Then he will try to feed a spoonful to his two-year-old brother, who is much too smart to become an experimental subject. Grandpa, on the other hand, thinks this is so cute that he dips a spoon into the bubbling concoction and pretends to taste it, but when it’s right at the edge of his lips the four-year-old grabs the spoon and pushes it inside Grandpa’s mouth. Grandpa spends the next several minutes gagging, rinsing, and spitting at the kitchen sink before taking the whole wicked batch out behind the garage and dumping it. This is apparently where the dog finds it and things don’t go any better for her than they did for Gramps.

A two-year-old on the cusp of being potty-trained will pull down his pants and pee on your carpet rather than making his clothes all wet and yucky.

A four-year-old and a two-year-old both like to push buttons and turn knobs. When their grandparents take them to the beach without bathing suits on a cool day, just to play in the sand, they somehow manage to get completely wet by taking buckets of water and dumping them on each other. After going to the changing rooms where, with great difficulty, Grandpa strips off their wet clothes and puts on their spare sets of dry ones, the boys run over to the showers, push the buttons and turn the knobs, and get themselves completely soaked again.

A two-year-old will ask for a children’s book to read in his car seat while driving home after a long day with his grandparents and proceed to “read” it out loud by describing what is happening in the pictures, until he has put himself to sleep.

More Funny Stuff …

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Times ‘Wish’ Advertised Some Bizarre Sh*t

We love e-commerce sites like Amazon or Wish.com for a.) their convenience, and b.) the bizarre products they advertise and the hilarious reviews that come with them. Of course, always take the products with a grain of salt before actually purchasing! Furthermore, we’re not entirely sure what the hell some of the following products even are…

Check out even more ridiculous products that were sold on Wish, courtesy of eBaum’s World!

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Good Boi Doggo Memes For All You Good People Out There! (26 Memes)

Delivery! Fresh hot doggo memes at your service! So take a moment to sit back and relax, and enjoy all the good bois and girls this list has to offer! And just in case you’re having a ruff day and need an extra lift, check out these doggo memes — that should cure just about anything. 

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4 Crazy Ways The Human Body’s Changing In Our Own Lifetimes

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Our Skeletons Are Getting Bent Out Of Shape

We don’t often think about the fact that we have a couple hundred bones within us, because if you do stop to think about it, it’s somewhat insane and terrifying. But when we are forced to acknowledge our skeletons, we tend to think of them as a fixed system. Our bones grow with us into adulthood, and they repair themselves when they break, but otherwise they’re just there, like the framework of a house. But that’s not true. They adjust to the way you live, like the rest of your body. And the way most of us live is to trash our bone-house under the assumption that someone else will come along and clean it up.


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Throughout the last decade, doctors have noticed a spike in patients with an external occipital protuberance, which is a little growth shaped like a, uh, spike at the back of the skull, right above the neck. Once all but unheard of, an estimated one in four people aged 18-30 now has one. And while a skull spike sounds awesomely metal, it’s a worrying sign of how lousy your posture is.

Hellerhoff/Wikimedia CommonsAlso, it’s not quite the Danzig-worthy heavy metal horn you may be picturing.

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Incredible Breakthrough: Researchers At The Mayo Clinic Have Successfully Switched A Man With A Moose

Medical science is advancing by leaps and bounds with every passing day, and this story is just another incredible example of what our innovative researchers can do: A team at the Mayo Clinic has successfully switched a man with a moose.

Just astounding!

The breakthrough came from a group of physicians and scientists at the Applied Biomechanics Lab at the Mayo Clinic, who have spent almost 10 years working to find a way to safely and completely replace an adult man with a 1,200-pound moose. In the project’s early stages, the scientists made a critical discovery when they realized that by tying a rope around a moose’s neck, they would be able to lead it into a laboratory inside which a human male research subject would be waiting. The team then spent the next several years working towards developing never-before-used medical technology consisting of a bell, a dead rat, and a big arrow—the use of which has allowed them to consistently entice a moose to stand inside a room where a man had once been standing, while simultaneously moving the man outside the room to stand where the moose had previously been. Today, in 1,000 separate trials, they have successfully swapped a man and a moose with less than one fatality per 100 instances.

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This is truly an amazing step forward for the entire scientific community!

“What we have now is a consistent way to put a moose where a man was—and we think this will have major implications for our ability to treat all kinds of issues in the human body,” said lead researcher Peter Swanberg. “For instance, this could mean that in the coming years, we will be able to take a man suffering from stage IV pancreatic cancer and swap him out with a moose with very few side effects. With a few more years of research, the same could be said for human women and children with all kinds of ailments”

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Wow! This is incredible news. Kudos for the team at the Mayo Clinic for working so hard to make this amazing discovery. Let’s hope they keep it up and make some more strides at time goes on!

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Struggling Hickenlooper Drops Out Of Colorado Senate Race To Run For Jefferson County Commissioner

‘I’m Not Done Fighting For The People Of The Lakewood Metro Area’ Says Candidate

GOLDEN, CO—Explaining that he was refocusing his struggling campaign on an office where he could do the most help, former presidential candidate John Hickenlooper announced Thursday that he was dropping out of the Colorado Senate race to run for Jefferson County commissioner. “Standing here today, I vow that I’m not done fighting for the people of the Lakewood Metropolitan Area, because although I’m no longer running for Senate, this is not the end of the story,” said Hickenlooper, kicking off his campaign surrounded by a dozen supporters at the Colorado Railroad Museum shortly after announcing an end to his 2020 bid for a Senate seat due to lackluster funding and polling behind seven other candidates. “For all my supporters, from Wheat Ridge to parts of Arvada, who urged me leave the Senate race to concentrate on running for county commissioner, I want you to know I heard you loud and clear. Nothing will keep me from finally getting the stoplight fixed on Route 58, acquiring new playground equipment for Kittredge Park, or securing the speed bumps that residents across Littleton sorely need. These issues are important to me, and with the $230 we’ve saved from my now-ended Senate campaign, I’m confident that I can best serve Americans as the district three commissioner of Jefferson County.” At press time, Hickenlooper announced that he was abandoning his struggling county commissioner campaign to run for treasurer of Bow Mar.

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Funny Times August 2019 Issue


Funny Times August 2019 Cover Mueller Popular Culture

Cartoons about Clowns . Politicians . Diet . Beauty . Women . Travel . Dogs .  Grandparenting . Monsters . Employment . Toys and more!

With cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Clay Bennett, Bizarro, Marc Bilgrey, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Martin Bucella, Jon Carter, Jack Compère, Dave Coverly,  J.C. Duffy, Jeff Hobbs, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Tim Lockley, Scott Masear, Brian McFadden, Steve McGinn, Chris Monroe, P.S. Mueller, Drew Panckeri, Mark Parisi, Rina Piccolo, Stephanie Piro, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Leigh Rubin, Graham Sale, Maria Scrivan, Jim Shoenbill, Barbara Smaller, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, Chris Wildt, Phil Witte, Matt Wuerker, Adam Zyglis, Zippy  . . . and lots more!

In This Issue:

Remembering What It’s Like To Be A Kid
By Raymond Lesser

Oh, The Cases Mueller Found!
By Colin MdEnroe

Circus Sale
By Jackie Allison

The Borowitz Report
By Andy Borowitz

Stay Uncomfortable!
By Gretchen Volk

In Life, My Wife Got Shortchanged
By Tim Jones

Mission: Alaska
By Eric Glaberson

Don’t Fence Me In
By Peter McKay

Patient Refuses To Have Appendix Removed
By Chris Hume

The Tell-Tale Solar Robotic Toy
By Janet Periat

Click To Unsubscribe
By Phil Witte

It’s A Super Market
By David Brinn Silly

Work Is A Four Letter Word
By Stacia Friedman

PLUS:

Cartoons about Beauty
Curmudgeon looks at Physical Fitness
Dave Maleckar’s 100 Word Rant
News Of The Weird
Harper’s Index
Cartoons about August
News & Political Cartoons
Cartoons about Monsters

More Funny Stuff …

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This Meme From ‘The Boys’ Makes Hilarious Use Of The C-Word

If you’re at all sensitive about cuss words, this ain’t the meme for you. Amazon’s new hit show ‘The Boys’ is a story about vigilantes with super powers who try to keep pompous and dangerous superheroes accountable. To say they’re a bit rough around the edges would be an understatement, and that’s pretty damn evident from this meme. The format is ripped from the series’ first episode, in which Billy (played by Australian actor Karl Urban) initiates a fight with a superhero aptly named Translucent. His colorful utterance has been embraced by dank meme making communities on Facebook and Reddit, and shows no signs of slowing down. Here are some of our favorite examples so far.

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5 WTF Attempts To Bring Superheroes To TV

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Justice League Of America Tried To Make “Friends With Superheroes”

There have been a handful of lame attempts to bring DC’s flagship super group to the small screen. 1979’s Legends Of The Super-Heroes was a terrifically unfunny Hanna-Barbera debacle, and Smallville brought together a teen version that barely qualified. So give 1997’s Justice League Of America, another failed pilot, a few points for trying. This League features an impressive, if decidedly ’90s, lineup: Green Lantern (the Guy Gardner “hero-in-a-vest” version), the Atom, Flash, Martian Manhunter, Fire, and Ice.


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If you’re thinking “Oh, six superheroes who are friends with each other? That’s similar to another show in the late ’90s, about six non-superheroes who are friends with each other,” know that this may have been the underlying idea. One critic called it “Friends with superpowers,” but it’s got more of Real World: New Metro City vibe, complete with a shared clubhouse and straight-to-camera confessions.

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Such Is Life: Three Spaghetti Fails… And Two Spaghetti Wins!

Some days life gives you a spaghetti fail, and some days you get a spaghetti win. That’s just the way spaghetti goes…

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No!!! Spaghetti does not belong on the floor…what an upsetting spaghetti fail. Of course, not every bowl of spaghetti is going to be a win, and that’s just part of life.

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Now would you look at that! A big thing of gorgeous red and pasta. This is undeniably a spaghetti win. But would this spaghetti win taste as sweet without the preceding spaghetti fail? One thing’s for certain…you cannot separate the spaghetti win from the journey to get there.

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God, this is horrible. This baby…he has been soured by spaghetti. He is ruined! Though the sight of this spaghetti fail is greatly upsetting, we must remember that it is the spaghetti fails that make us who we are. This child’s shame shall one day become his strength.

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Oh, no. This spaghetti…it is frowning. This is truly a disaster. We cannot stop crying from looking at it…it is just too sad. It will weigh heavy on our hearts for the rest of our days. However, we must stay strong and carry on, for as we say in Italy, “Spaghetti fail or spaghetti win, either way it’s what’s for din.”

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Hot damn, now THIS is a spaghetti win! Look how glad this huge child is! He is wheezing with joy because of the wonderful, wet spaghetti taste! A beautiful boy and his beautiful meal…it is spaghetti wins like this that make this crazy thing called life worth living. Bellissimo!

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Today, kitchens are on the design chopping block for their horrific execution (36 Photos)

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‘Don’t Worry, I’ll Always Be Here To Fight Climate Change,’ Says Jay Inslee Before Ethereally Turning Into Majestic Oak

SEQUIM, WA—In a speech delivered to supporters addressing the end of his presidential campaign, Washington Governor Jay Inslee announced Thursday that there was “no need to worry,” because he would always be here to fight climate change before ethereally transforming into a majestic oak. “Although today marks the conclusion of my 2020 presidential bid, I want all of you to know that my wisdom will forever be in the soil of this magnificent grove and my hope will be in the sky above,” said Inslee at a press conference held deep in the Olympic National Forest as he vanished in a bath of warm light, only to reappear moments later in the guise of an ancient white oak lit by luminous bands of fireflies, his arms transforming into long, twisting branches while his voice echoed through the millennia-old thicket as if by the enchantment of nature itself. “Whenever you need my guidance to help fight for the future of our planet, just come to this wooded spot and listen for the whisper of the wind between these branches and the dappling of light upon theses leaves. There you will hear my voice. There you will see my spirit.” At press time, Inslee had been burned alive in a blaze caused by a poorly maintained fire pit.

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Millennials Aren’t The Worst Generation When Compared To Historical Disciplinary Records, Says This Twitter Thread

It’s a tradition that the older generations have to hate on the younger generations for absolutely any reason they can think of. Doesn’t matter what for, because it was just “better back in the day,” in their logic. 

Self-described “recovering academic” Jenny Bann pulled up some hilariously enlightening historical records of the behavioral problems exhibited by 18th century male students in Scotland. 

Let’s just say they’re…less than wholesome and make Millennials look angelic in comparison!

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Three Adorable Hyrax Pups Have Been Born At Chester Zoo

These little cuties weigh no more than a banana (250 g), unlike their closest relative, the elephant, which weighs between 200 and 268 lb. So how are these unlikely creatures related? It all goes back to their shared ancestor, Tethytheria, which died around 50 million years ago. Although that’s a long time for the animals to grow apart, they still share a few key qualities that is unique to only them. 

Hyrax have tusks that grow from their incisor teeth, like elephants. All other mammals have tusks that grow from their canine teeth. They also both have flattened nails on their feet, rather than long nails like most mammals have, and similar skull structures to elephants. Who would have known? 

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Meet TV Head Man, The Newest American Urban Legend


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And odds are that TV Head Man will strike again, as this isn’t even the first time they’ve darkened the doorsteps of Henrico County residents. In August of 2018, a more modest 20-something old TVs were dropped off in another part of the county. But what are the motives behind these delivery drive-by’s? Did TVHM mean for this old TVs to serve as a gift to the needy? Was it some sort of villainous calling card? Will the TVs soon spring to life, emitting a video of a haunting carousel ride before exploding in a cloud of laughing gas, like something out of a ’60s Batman comic? Or did this half-man, half-TV simply needed a place to ditch their bastard offspring, choosing a rural middle-class neighborhood to give them good homes where they could frolic in backyard sheds surrounded by boxes upon boxes of hoarded RCA connectors?


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To many of their TV targets, it doesn’t matter if they’re a villain, a hero, or just some drunk college kid. They just see their Friendly Neighborhood TV Head Man as a welcome whimsical distraction from the dumpster fire of their American lives. “I think it was awesome, lighthearted and so great to have a fun story like this, even though there are so many tragedies occurring,” said Jeane Brooksbank, one the beleaguered bequeathed. And when it feels like the gods have abandoned you, it’s nice to know that one hasn’t, even if it’s the trickster god of antiquated small appliances.

For more weird tangents and his personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow Cedric on Twitter.

For more, check out Fun ‘Star Wars’ Theory: What If Luke Was Secretly Dead? and Loot Crate Is Bankrupt, Can’t Pay Employees Deadpool Merch.

Also, we’d love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook. And we’ll follow you everywhere.

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Embarrassing: This Woman Thinks The Chinese Characters She Has Tattooed On Her Back Mean ‘Slut Of All Hamburgers’ But They Actually Mean ‘Quiet Wisdom’

Ugh, it doesn’t get much cringier than this. A woman in Seattle just permanently embarrassed herself when she failed to do her research and got big, bold, black Chinese characters tattooed on her back which she thought meant “slut of all hamburgers” but instead translated to—get this—“quiet wisdom.”

Oof. We’ve got ourselves a candidate for Facepalm Of The Year.

When 23-year-old Justine Wilson settled on the design for her ridiculous new tat, she failed to consult with a single Chinese speaker and instead just ran the phrase through a random online translation service she found on Google, which is incredibly unfortunate, as anyone with a basic familiarity with the language would’ve immediately caught her boneheaded mistake. Instead, she walked around in a tank top for several days flaunting the tattoo under the mistaken belief she was announcing herself as the Slut Of All Hamburgers to the world, only to eventually be alerted to the blunder by a Chinese classmate who delicately informed her that, if anything, she was the Slut Of Terrible Tattoos. Upon learning of her error, it goes without saying that this self-proclaimed hamburger slut was beyond mortified.

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While the tattoo itself actually looks quite beautiful, the artistic merits unfortunately will not be enough to keep anyone who reads Chinese from doubling over with laughter when they see it, wondering why on earth someone would deface their body with a phase as asinine as “quiet wisdom.” And as a debt-strapped grad student who has to work three different restaurant jobs just to make ends meet, it’ll be a long time before Justine can afford the expensive (not to mention painful) laser treatments she needs to get the humiliating tattoo removed, and it’ll be even longer before she can drum up the cash to have it redone to read “slut of all hamburgers” as originally intended. Until then, Justine’s just gonna have to cover the tat with a shawl when she’s out in public if she doesn’t want to be mercilessly ridiculed by every single Chinese person who passes her on the street, even though she honestly kind of deserves it.

Poor girl. It’s gonna be a long, long time before she lives this one down.

If you’re ever thinking of getting a foreign phrase tattooed on your skin, just remember the lesson of Miss “Quiet Wisdom” here and be sure to do your homework. Otherwise you just might end up regretting it for the rest of your life.

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That’s a yikes from me…

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Derek Jeter Just Going To Go Ahead And Count Stray Cats In Marlins Attendance Figure

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Roasts Of People For Where They Look Like They Work (14 Roasts)

Sometimes stereotypes can be harmful, but other times they’re pretty amusing. In this instance, these people asked Twitter to roast a photo of them based on what it looks like they do for a living. Don’t feel too sorry for them because, well, you can’t say they weren’t literally asking for it!

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Ready To Squee? Baby Animals Are Truly The Best

There is nothing more wholesome in this world than baby animals. Forget human babies, animals are just way cuter. And less needy and the daily upkeep is not even a comparison. Though I have seen plenty of people train pets with diapers, to hilarious effect. But what if you could just gaze at baby animals waddling around, just being adorable simply for existing. So without further ado, here are gifs of some of the cutest animals around.

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Four Loko Is Back As A Hard Seltzer To Make You Hate Water

Four Loko was all the regret of rushing a Florida frat conveniently condensed into a single can. Now, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the brand of alcoholic energy drinks had gone out of business ages ago after they allegedly killed a bunch of people, since that’s what usually happens when your product leapfrogs hangovers right to alcohol poisoning and heart failure. But it didn’t die. It was just lying in wait until the public and the beverage industry caught on to its delicious mix of cough syrup and irresponsibility.


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Now that alcoholic seltzer waters like White Claw and TRULY have been accepted by basic bros entering their 30s, Four Loko has emerged from exile determined to reclaim its title as the premier disgusting alcoholic beverage. Thus, the debut of Four Loko Seltzer.

Four Loko Seltzer’s biggest selling point is that it’ll have three times more alcohol than its hard water competitors. (That’s the recipe base for three of the Lokos. The fourth Loko is a tightly guarded company secret.) If the minds behind Four Loko were creating a character in a video game, they’d push all the sliders to the max and wind up with a homunculus that would die choking on Mardi Gras beads soon after its birth. They can’t try to just make a thing; the thing has to be the biggest, boldest, most creative thing. And while it will absolutely fail to be any of those, it will succeed in being the dumbest thing.

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Devastating Disappointment: This Grandma Just Joined Facebook But Weirdly Seems To Know What She’s Doing So It’s Not Funny In The Least

Prepare to be incredibly frustrated.

When 84-year-old Sharlene Coates joined Facebook earlier this week, it seemed it had all the makings for a perfect storm of internet hilarity: An elderly woman eager to connect with friends and family on a new platform with which she was wholly unfamiliar, using technology that has historically been a source of great confusion for people of her general demographic. Sadly, however, she has defied all expectations and taken to Facebook like a pro, using the social network with the competence of someone a quarter her age while avoiding all the humorous blunders so common among her peers.

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Goddammit. What a huge letdown.

The list of ways Sharlene’s proficient use of Facebook has robbed the world of comedy gold is long. While you’d hope that her profile picture would be incredibly pixelated and either weirdly stretched or poorly cropped, it is instead a disappointingly well-formatted and all-around lovely photo of her smiling in front of a picturesque beach backdrop. And while you’d think that, like so many grandmas before her, she’d take to sharing spammy right-wing memes from insane clickbait pages with names like “Jesus Is My Lord” and “Daily Giggles USA,” so far she has only linked content from legitimate, trustworthy media outlets like The Guardian and The New York Times. Further, her status updates have all been properly spelled and punctuated, she’s refrained from leaving embarrassing comments on her grandchildren’s posts that she signs with her name as if writing a letter, and, worst of all, she perfectly understands how to navigate Facebook’s interface and has never once accidentally posted a personal direct message as a status update or written “Happy birthday” on her own wall instead of a friend’s.

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Usually when you go through an old person’s Facebook photos, there’s at least a few blurry shots of piles of laundry or empty furniture that look like they were taken and uploaded accidentally. Unfortunately, Sharlene’s photos are all just pretty decent pictures of completely regular things like her garden and craft projects, all in clear focus and bearing accurate captions such as, “Zucchinis are coming in nicely.” It’s so boring! No gross close-ups of her dog licking peanut butter off of her hand, no selfies depicting mysterious skin ailments, and she doesn’t even do the thing where she regularly re-uploads the same low-resolution profile pic but with wacky new frames.

It’s utterly maddening. Literally nothing she’s done so far is funny.

It’s possible that she has some sort of younger family member showing her the ropes and helping her avoid the standard Facebook faux pas, and if so, curses on that person. But if she is indeed figuring it out all on her own, then she is truly an anomaly, because you just don’t ever see people born before WWII navigating social media with such savvy poise. Kudos to her, we suppose, for bucking all the ageist stereotypes and having her shit together online—even though it’s honestly a huge bummer for the rest of us.

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Pull-ups with 20kg/44lbs weight added

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When stuck in a bitter divorce, consider the “paperwork bomb” (8 GIFs)

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Brazilian Government Equips Firefighters With Flamethrowers To Combat Massive Amazon Rainforest

BRASILIA—In response to an environmental crisis that threatened mass swaths of the country, the Brazilian government announced Thursday that it was equipping crews of firefighters with flamethrowers to combat the massive Amazon rainforest. “We have marshaled our resources and distributed flamethrowers to thousands of emergency personnel so they can effectively fight this devastating tropical forest before it causes even more destruction,” said Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro, noting that the massive, catastrophic biome had already expanded to over 2.1 million square miles of the country and posed significant threats for the country’s population and economy. “This huge surge of Amazon rainforest isn’t going to be contained overnight, but our hope is that the firefighters, each of whom has been given a flamethrower with a 25-foot range, as well as the helicopters equipped with thousands of gallons of oil to release over the rainforest, will be able to restrict its damage. While our focus is obviously on fighting the jungle’s perimeter, it’s also important to ask why previous administrations failed to address the conditions that let this rainforest get so out of hand.” Calling it a “global concern,” world leaders including U.S. president Donald Trump and Chinese president Xi Jinping pledged to send additional flamethrowers and rescue personnel to limit the massive rainforest’s global impact. 

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Techy Memes For The IT-Inclined

We can’t all be walking talking IT departments. But some people are, and thank GAWD for them. These techy memes will resonate with anyone who’s been able to help people with the internet or coding beyond saying “have you tried unplugging it and plugging it back in?”

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6 Real-Life Villains Who’d Be Too Crazy For Comic Books

1

The Quiet Businessman Who Had A Fetish For Derailing Trains

Before 1930, Szilveszter Matuska was the most average man to have ever lived. He ran a respectable building supplies company in Austria, and was a loving father and devout Catholic. Then one day, Matuska decided he would quite like to see some trains crash. And so, like an old-timey Mr. Glass, he set out to make that happen.

After his first two attempts to derail trains were clumsy failures, Matuska bought a disused quarry and went on a Rocky-style montage to practice his dynamite skills. In 1931, he successfully blew up a bridge outside of Berlin, sending a train hurtling 30 feet into a gully. Miraculously, there were no casualties — something that couldn’t be said a month later, when he collapsed another bridge and dropped the Budapest-Vienna Express 75 feet, killing 22 passengers. Matuska was found at the scene laughing with delight. He even claimed to be a survivor (a really, really happy one), and helped rescue others from the crash, afterward returning to Vienna for a celebratory nine-day sex binge with 12 different prostitutes.

Via Wikimedia CommonsYou wouldn’t think he’d had it in him — or by that point, in a dozen prostitutes.

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Damning Report: Mom’s Investigation Into Why This Restaurant Keeps The AC Up So High Has Concluded That It’s Because They Want Their Customers To Freeze

Lunch today was supposed to be a relaxed, casual affair, but in light of some shocking revelations, it’s turned out to be anything but: Mom’s investigation into why this restaurant keeps the AC up so high has concluded that it’s because they want their customers to freeze.

This is a truly damning report.

Upon entering Red Robin earlier today, Mom immediately noticed that the restaurant was uncomfortably chilly, an observation she loudly expressed to the hostess as she was seating the family at a booth, the vinyl upholstery of which, Mom also noted, was very cold to the touch. This prompted Mom to open a preliminary probe into whether or not the family was seated directly underneath an air conditioning vent, which indeed turned out to be the case, thus confirming Mom’s theory as to why frigid air was blasting straight down her neck and making her cold.

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Mom then conclusively determined that the restaurant must be intentionally trying to make its customers freeze, her primary evidence being that “It’s the middle of the summer and they know people will be wearing shorts and tank tops, yet they still insist on making it feel like Antarctica in here.” She also noted that “This is exactly what happened when we came here last summer,” suggesting that this was not an isolated incident but rather a malicious, ongoing conspiracy aimed at making the customers who spend their hard-earned money feel miserable.

“The only explanation for why they’d turn this place into an icebox is that they want to see us shiver,” Mom deduced, adding that she didn’t even want to drink the Diet Coke she’d ordered anymore because it’d just make her colder. “I could go get my sweater from the car, but it’s August, for crying out loud! I shouldn’t have to wear a sweater.”

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She went on to hypothesize that she’d probably be more comfortable baking out in the 95-degree sun than she would “sitting in this freezer,” after which Dad suggested asking the server if the family could move to a table out on the patio. However, Mom dismissed this idea, as she didn’t want filthy pigeons constantly walking up to the table begging for fries.

Damn. Mom’s definitely built a pretty incriminating case against the restaurant here.

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At press time, Mom was detailing her plans to go home and leave a negative Yelp review for the restaurant, as she believed that a manager might see her complaint and make things right with a free appetizer or comped drinks. Dad, meanwhile, was launching an investigation of his own into how much it must cost the restaurant each month to keep the AC cranked up so high while people are constantly opening the door and letting out air—his initial hypothesis being that it likely cost “an arm and a leg.”

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Arabic phobic

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Spooky Autumn Memes For The Summer-Haters (15 Memes)

These memes are for everyone who’s just over the hot weather and ready for scarves, pumpkins, and Christian Girl Autumn. Sweating and sunburns are so last season anyway. 

And, you know, it may only be August but who gives a f*ck – bring on the PSLs. Does this make us basic white girls? Probably, but guess what, haters gonna hate.

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10 Fun Friday Minion Quotes

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10 friday minion memes for the day.

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Best of Food Pranks | Just For Laughs Compilation



We've always been told to never play with our food. This video is proof that we're terrible listeners. Do you have a favourite type of prank? Let us know what it is and maybe it'll be our next compilation! #BestOfJustForLaughsGags #FoodPranks #EatingPranks #BestOfJustForLaughs WATCH MORE GAGS CONTENT: https://www.facebook.com/jflgags/ SUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/SubscribeJFL Watch our latest pranks! https://bit.ly/2TMC9sy Watch more #JFLGags !
Kid Pranks!: https://bit.ly/2Hwfv0K
Food Pranks!: https://bit.ly/2U47XbL
Cop Pranks!: https://bit.ly/2TdUoSx
Newest Videos: https://bit.ly/2Y61D2o
Best Pranks of 2018!: https://bit.ly/2CseeDL #JustforLaughs Gags Across the Internet:
Visit our store: http://bit.ly/1OJuRNO
JFL Comedy: https://bit.ly/2Y9pJcL Twitter: https://twitter.com/jflgags
Facebook: https://facebook.com/jflgags Instagram: https://instagram.com/justforlaughs/ Help us translate our titles! http://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_p… Filmed in Montreal, Quebec Welcome to the world-famous #JustforLaughsGags channel, where we pull public pranks on unsuspecting Montreal residents and tourists. Subscribe to our channel ▶▶ http://bit.ly/SubscribeJFL ◀◀ and stay up to date on our daily pranks! Source

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